Well lets start at the beginning, my mother has always been a big pot smoker, and a big alcoholic, she has the ability to down a 24 of Honey Lager in a night, bu herself. As well as finish a quater or pot in a matter of hours. When she drinks or smokes, she becomes VERY.... obnoxious/ubstrepurous/beligerant (take your pick) And very, very violent.

Last year (2009) I ran away at the end of May because of the constant family stress, and dangerous environment I was in (espiecally since her boyfriend was a major coke user, and had a bad gambling problem) I started a life in Ottawa (she lives in the Country, with no car, and no job, shes on welfare, and disability for bi-polar and depression) and did well for myself. Found a wonderful boyfriend, had a few good jobs, and met some wonderful friends.

Things got patchy, and after 9 months I decided to contact her hoping to see she had changed. And she HAD, after she had noticed i left she called the CAS trying to get me back, and because I was 16 i was legally an adult and ALLOWED to leave. They investigated to see why I had ran, and discovered that the home was unfit for myself, or my younger sister (she was 8 at the time) my sister was put under custody of my Grandparents, for 6 months, and my Mother had straightened up... Her drinking and smoking had dropped significantly, and she had left her abusive boyfriend, and was doing well for herself (she even got off of diability)

Well, a huge tramatic incident happened within the family when she got back with abusive boyfiend, and he cut his throat infront of her. She plummeted into worse drinking and smoking then ever before... He survived and moved back in with her, and has been doing nothing.

My boyfriend and I hit some hard times, and I moved back with her to her house (she says I'm always welcome) and then I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant....

((sound like an episode of The Bold and the Beautiful yet?))

She was originally furious with me and wanting me to get an abortion (her boyfriend was the same) and my grandparents wanted nothing to do with it. but I was adiment i was going to raise it and keep it ((look at my older post, I'm Pregnant!! who Knew?? For details)) and she began to respect my decision...

Until, my boyfriend moved abck to Ottawa for work. She suddenly sprang back into her old habits, of drinking and smoking all day, being irresponsible and beligerant, and arguing with me all the time about whether my boyfriend was actually going to stay or not....

Its gotten now to the point where my boyfriend refuses to call the house or come back, for fear that a fight will break out (shes threatened him already)

I'm getting tired of having to pick up the pieces and having to hide the lies shes spewing to my grandparents (they HATE her boyfriend for what he did and are refusing to give my sister abck to mom if shes seeing him. So my mother has been hiding the fact he's been living here for nearly 3 months from them)... Her nasty habits, her hatred towards my boyfriend, her anger at me, and above all, the fact that shes practically yelling at me everyday for stupid things... ((shes making me choose between my boyfriend and her about who will go to the ultrasound.... I'm stuck :( ))

I have set up a room for the 1st of May that my boyfriend and i will move into in Ottawa... for a low rental, with friends while i try and find a better home before the baby is born (in November) but i feel like I'm betraying her again... She ahs given me a home and fed me, for over a month. and she scared of losing me again, because of me running away.... but i'm honestly scared for not only my well-being but the life of my child. My relationship is falling apart because I can only see him once a week, and I can't stand this stress any longer....

Do you think its reasonable and a good idea for me to leave this situation for not only my health but my babies health as well? Or do you think I should stay with her because of everything she has done for me? Is it betrayal?

i'm so confused and scared and i literally have no one to turn to... what do you think Subeta?

-BHED-GURL

Wow I'm really sorry for waht happened. You've been throught alot. Well, you need to trust what you think is right. I think its fine that you move out with the baby, you mom can visit. She has done alot, but its not like your cutting her out of your life. And trust me THIS IS NOT BETRAYAL. My opinion. But most of all just trust waht you think is right

-bhed-gurl

You should get out - that is the best and most important thing for you and your baby. I'm really glad that, despite the situation, you're still excited about the baby and once you make the final decision to move out again then things will straighten themselves out. I was in a less-extreme version of your situation (minus the baby) and I took matters into my own hands and now, well, that was the best decision I ever made. Instead of constantly stressing, being severely depressed, etc. I worked it out and I think <i>that</i> choice would be best for you, also.

You are an INCREDIBLY strong girl, even so much as taking things into your hands early on and running away to begin with. There need to be more people that take that intiative - the world would be a much better place.

Also - you shouldn't worry about betraying your mother (I know you love her, she's your mother, believe me, same thing here) but if she's lying to your grandparents and is in an unhealthy relationship she's obviously not going down a very good path. If you can, please take that into consideration and try and make her see that.

Also. I would choose the boyfriend to go to your ultrasound with you. It'd be a great bonding experience to get things back on track with you again, and it just make more sense. You could also pull the, "I'm taking my boyfriend, and if you want to come go ahead because I'm not stopping you, but I'm not being forced into making a choice between you two because you're so -insert ugly but nice word here-."

I hope everything works out for you.

Oh dear you should just leave, I understand she's your mother and everything but that sort of behavior should not be tolerable whether you are sane, sick, or.. well anything. Being out there on your own is hard, but its not impossible. If your clean then you can make it. Go to your.. well I don't know the right name for it but try the court house, I live in the country, and ask about programs that can help you if your financially low. Your moms only your mom by blood. If she's not the type of person you want to be near don't. Feeding and letting you stay for a month isn't enough guilt to hold over your head and keep you there. Get your preggy butt moving. :I Thats another thing to think about, do you want your own babe to be around someone with severe habits?

Holy snapsticks. I totally cannot imagine myself in your situation and doing as well as you have. Moving out is a good thing to do in this situation IMO. Like everyone has said, being around her is not good for you. Moving doesn't mean that you can't talk to her. It just means that you can talk with her and still make sure of you and your baby's well-being. Maybe this would even make her think things over? Anyways, good luck with everything! I hope things work out for you. :]