This has been bothering me for the longest time, and has just about made it to the breaking point. Ah well, here goes... (WARNING. WALL O' TEXT.)

I'm just not sure anymore about the people I've been considering my 'friends.' I've been in the high school's talented theatre program since the middle of my sophomore year (I'm a senior now), and before that I was reclusive, antisocial, etc. The outgoing people I’ve met, many of whom I’ve known for years but never gotten to familiarize with, and people in my other classes as well helped me come out of my shell; I'm still much more introverted than they are, but I wasn't nearly as bad as I was back then. I started going out with groups of friends more often, to cafes and boutiques downtown and having really good times with them, backstage during shows as well. We were all really close, like a family.

But then we all began to change. I realize that high school's an unstable, volatile time of one’s life, and it’s normal for people to change. But now so many of them are unrecognizable. They’re viciously judgmental, unbelievably close-minded, always trying to show each other up, acting incredibly immature, shallow, and selfish, and getting into the kinds of things they shouldn’t be. I don’t mean to sound like a disapproving mother, but really, it’s getting ridiculous. Sure, it’s probably normal for some high school students to do these things, but I really don’t give a shit about how high or drunk you got last weekend, or how you did or didn’t have sex with someone, or how much you dislike someone because their bum is awkwardly shaped. [I]I. Don’t. Give. A. FUCK.[/I] Call me abnormal, I take no interest in these things and never really had any opinion about it one way or another, so I probably have no room to talk. But you really don’t need to be such a cynical bitch about[I] every single little thing[/I] and pick apart everything else to talk shit about it and use these things to brag about yourself and your ‘achievements.’ IMO, it’s really sad when you have to talk shit about someone you don’t even know behind their backs just to feel better about yourself. It shouldn’t work that way at all. If you have to stoop to that level, you have no room to talk that way about others, for you‘re probably worse off than they are. There are better ways to raise your own self-confidence than hiding your jealousy (or genuine disdain, take your pick) behind a mask of arrogance and destroying yourself from both the inside and out.

And its not just them, and I don’t entirely blame them for their own decisions. I don’t like to judge. Personally I believe that people like that aren’t as strong-willed as I’d like to give them credit for, too easily influenced by the media and such that all too often seems to promote illegal substances and promiscuity and putting down others, sadly enough. Why does it have to be like this, why can’t people see past things like sex or novelty or differences? It’s so [I]stupid.[/I] It’s frustrating. It’s depressing. I see these people that I’ve known for years and care so much about making these decisions, and I can already see them going down these paths that will very possibly ruin them. That’s what I hate most about it: seeing my 'family' destroy themselves.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I’m just some paranoid prude. But it’s heartbreaking. I still love them all to bits, and I really don’t want to limit myself to the small circle of people I still actually consider my close friends. They just need to get over themselves, get their heads out of each other’s crotches, and stop being the self-centered little fucks they’re being. I hate that attitude about life they have.

At least I’ll be graduating in a month. Hopefully college life will be different, and I’ll be living far enough away from here. But is there anything I should do to hold out until then? :/ Guhhh. I’m just not certain about anything right now. Right now, I really need words of comfort and bits of coping advice.

i think you are overreacting -- to the inevitable realization that the illusion of moral/social decency we were bred to believe in doesn't actually exist as a stand-alone entity.

ok ok, what i'm saying is: welcome to the real world.

now that you know about it, you need to figure out what you are going to do to deal with it. if you choose to segregate yourself away from people who are cynical, judgmental, immature, easily-influenced, etc... you will eventually lead a lonely life. realize that these are experiences and concepts that people (your friends) need to experience in order to potentially become better people. if that fails to happen, so be it. in order to fly, a bird must fall from the nest.

don't worry so much about everyone else and their choices and paths in life -- worry about yourself. as you pointed out, perhaps you are becoming a judgmental, prudish individual that no one can bear to deal with when their association with you ultimately makes them feel bad about themselves. who knows. consider your place in your social circle and how you can remain constructive on yourself. it will work out better for you.

i have this same problem. I am a junior and i just got into a fight with probably 20 people over a situation that happened 7 MONTHS AGO!!!!! (did i mention i go to an all girls school?)

I feel like they are all brats that bitch and whine about things they dont have and why they hate their lives. I just want to smack them sometimes. One girl who is like 98 lbs. calls herself fat everyday.

I just "fly under the radar". They treat me ike a show poodle because I am a deep person and sometimes say strange things but they treat me as if I am a puppy under their control. I have actually had some girl call me fat and that I should go to a gym. Just go along with it. (dont talk bad about people but ignore it) graduation for you is in a short while (lucky! :/) good luck

Yes, I figured as much. I've known all that for a while now, but it still frustrates me. I don't want to try to isolate myself, but sometimes I just need a break from these extremes. And I do feel much better after typing all that out, I just needed to share my opinion somewhere. I haven't told my friends about all this yet, I wouldn't want them to feel bad, like you said. I'm trying not to fuss over them too much, it's just hard.

There are other factors playing into all this stress as well, but it'll pass.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of that, and replying :] I need some others' words and opinions. I couldn't have this holed up forever to twist itself up in my head.

Thank you, as well. Oh dear, an all girls' school, I can only imagine. There's already enough drama going on at a normal school as it is... Yes, I don't try to make a spectacle of myself either and ignore silly comments. It's just kind of discouraging to see people who take so many things for granted. It may be due to their upbringing (I was raised in a very poor household, so I value a lot of things wealthier people would call 'junk'), so you can't blame them entirely. And good luck to you as well, hang in there!

Darling, i know where your coming from except, my situation is ore advanced then yours... i'm 17, and i dropped out of High School because I couldn't stand the drama... Not only are people cruel and judgemental, but if you do something wrong once, your judged for the rest of your high school career (even if you move)

I however am pregnant, and I live on my own (well... With a wonderful boyfriend :P but anyways) i left high School, and I honestly don't think i could ever go back, because I've seen to much... i hate how catty the girls my age can be, with gossip, and fights, and look obsessions... and men are just interested in one thing... And I'm likely to be called a s**t because I'm pregnant and can't put out then i would be normally...

All my family tells me I'm throwing my life away and that its over, and never going to be the same,... That I have a whole group of people my age I would get along with and that I'll nevr be able to experience it because I'm becoming a mother. but to be honest, I don't WANT to do what teens my age are doing... Sure i've smoked my share of pot before, but its not all that amazing, and I've drank before, but i almost died... Spending my money on the latest fashions and such seems boring to me, when I could go out with a paycheck and have the pride to know i fed my family... Its a much better high, then any drug could ever give you because It gives you a sense of accomplishment,...

I'm seeing how my "friends" really were, as they find out my condition and then disappear off the face of the earth, they never were my friends anyways and if they can't accept a new lifestyle there not worth it.

I know i ranted about myself, but It goes back to you. Don't feel like your overreacting because your growing up. You are a strong person, and its not a bad thing that your growing... you will find better friends then what you have already and they will accpet you for who you are, or scrap em... There not worth it....

Hope that opens some doors... I've available to chat at anytime :)

Your not just some paranoid prude. Everyone has the right to vent, and express. I hope you get the much needed support here or elsewhere :)

HW