please ping me :) I wamt honest opinions This is the only story I've written that I feel has to potenial to become insanely good. So your opinions are much appreciated :) If you like it,yay for me! If you don't,I'd like know why,to help me with editing it You won't hurt my feelings,it's a very rough draft! So what do you think? :D

In my opinon, I feel that you should work on it more. You have '...' in places where you don't need to have them. For example, you wrote 'Many years ago,not too far away from here acually...There was a murderer. People around don't like to speak about it but...I don't see any harm in telling you.' Now you could have just as easily written, 'Many years ago, not too far away from here actually, there was a murder. People around here don't like to speak to speak about it, but, I don't see any harm in telling you.' instead and it would basically have the same affect and it wouldn't look like you have many empty spaces (I also changed some things gramatically and I wasn't sure if you meant murder or murderer). Also, in the case of this phrase, 'Some say she still haunts the place...there have been...', I believe that you could do away with the first '...' and instead use a period or comma, just to seperate your thoughts more.

However, I actually quite like your last sentence (starting from 'but') a lot because it leaves the reader with a sense of mystery. It's funny how at the end of a story a compliment to the reader can lead to the reader second-guessing about what they read and such.

Hopefully this was helpful for you :)

You'll need to do some spell checking as you've misspelled "actually." That's very minor though.

I understand this is a conversational narrative piece, and I think with some editing you can make this far more engaging. For example, perhaps have the narrator expand on why he/she found the girl to be so weird? Give an anecdote of something she did or said or even speculated by another person. Also, I think the fire comes to suddenly. Try to build it up for more suspense. You might also want to expand on the man that wanted to sue her or even have him have a more personal connection to her.

The phrase "anyway" I felt was a tad overused. "Anyway" is however used in casual conversation often, so that's just my personal preference. Finally, your pet TheSoulStealer is a male, yet the narrative left me feeling like the girl was "TheSoulStealer." Is that the case?