I've been wondering about a situation, and I know how I see it. But I get so much flack for it that I'm going insane. So I'm just looking for more insight--I'll try to present things as neutrally as possible.

Friends A and B have been best friends since nursery school. Now they're in college; A is studying to be a writer and B is studying to be a high school English teacher.

For their senior year, A had to write a 100 page novel to graduate. She asks B to help her proofread. B agrees and promises to do so. Both of them are the only avid readers among their friends, and B has studied critique, so it seems like a great fit.

However, when B looks at A's rough draft, she finds out that it's a fictional piece that targets teenage boys. It's a genre she's not really interested in at all. (A didn't know this as B loves Harry Potter).

A waits a week...then weeks...and the over a month. But B never gives her any feedback on her novel. A is feeling really hurt by this because her best friend B -promised- her to help. When A asks her about it, B says she's been too busy.

Shortly after this, B gets engaged. She is the one to plan her own wedding and bluntly tells A that she will never have time to proofread the novel because of said wedding. A still wants her to read because B's the only one A can ask--she needs the help to get the grade to graduate. B is upset that A doesn't understand all the constraints on her time and that A won't let the whole thing drop.

Thoughts? How do you as outsiders see this situation?

I think person B should have told A as soon as possible that she didn't have interest/couldn't proofread her novel instead of making A wait for months. It probably would have been less hurtful is person B had just outright said, "Hey, I'd love to help, but I really am not interested in this genre." Or something along those lines.

However, I don't think person A should be pressuring B to read it either. B has a wedding to plan, and that obviously is going to take up a lot of time, and A should be considerate of that. I doubt that B is A's only option for critiques because there are sites that help critique writer's work that are probably reliable as well, and A could even ask classmates for opinions.

I think both people have done things wrong in this situation. p:

I wish B could've been upfront about it from the beginning. There'd be no need to make excuses if they had just gently told A that the genre just isn't their area of expertise, and maybe somebody else would be more helpful. A would've then had time to find someone else to help out. On the other hand...A is really asking a massive favor of someone, if someone didn't want the responsibility I would definitely drop it and try something else.

I get the impression if they had both given a little this might have been avoided :(

To Bailey -- just to clarify one thing you mentioned. A and B both love to read, so asking either of them to read isn't "massive."

But thanks everyone.

I suppose it part it comes down to...which is right? Should someone keep an important promise? Or the other forget that same important promise? What makes it hard is that they do both feel justified.

I'm going to be brutally honest and blunt when I say that B is entirely in the wrong and has most likely critically damaged their friendship with A. B had over a month before the engagement to proofread a 100 page draft. B promised to do so and it sounds like A genuinely valued her lifelong friend's critique. And then B chose not to fulfill the promise because the genre bored them. That's just not how you treat a friend. If a friend is counting on you and you already promised to help, a less than ideal genre choice shouldn't stop you from reading and proofreading 100 pages.

I can't blame A for not letting it go, the novel is a compilation of their studies and I'm assuming it means a lot to A. A entrusted the task of proofreading the draft to their lifelong friend, probably because they shared an interest in writing and reading and A felt like B could be trusted. For B to let A down after that, it probably does hurt A quite a bit. I bet that A is still holding out hope that B will come through.

I mean, the shoe is just as unpleasant on the other foot. If A had promised to help B plan the wedding, but then A hated the wedding theme and so put off the work that been assigned to A for a month, I highly doubt B would be happy with A. Then if something "more important" came alone and A told B they'd never have the time to fulfill the promise, I highly doubt B would be all that understanding.

B deliberately let it sit until she ran out of time to do it. B made it her fault 100%. Had she told A she didn't like the story and really didn't want to do the read up front, this would not have happened.

I would agree that B is definitely more in the wrong here. If you agree to proofread something for someone, especially when its an important, graded piece of work, you should make every effort to go through with it. I don't think not finding the genre interesting is a valid excuse, because proofreading isn't supposed to be for pleasure, it's supposed to be helping someone out. Putting it off and not telling A until she had a get-out excuse not to do it at all is pretty unfair imo. However, I do disagree that this wasn't necessarily a big favour. Personally, I love to read, I'm doing a postgrad degree in literature, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't hugely struggle with reading and giving feedback on a 100 page draft of something that doesn't interest me. So yes, it probably did seem like a big favour to B, but that doesn't change my opinion that she should have either kept to her promise despite finding it hard, or told A upfront that she wouldn't be able to so she could try to find someone else.

Couldn't have said that better. And it's not like A asked for it done overnight. So B could have taken the time to read a page or two here and there and odds are it'd have been corrected/ improved by now for A. All you do in proofreading is make sure the words are right and tell what your point is. That right punctuations are used or suggest other ways to tell something. It's not a read and tell me if it's terrible genre or toss it in the fire and rewrite something just because one doesn't like the topic. Odds are A had to pick a topic they knew or wanted to write about to show their teacher they can properly make a story with things going the right way for the topic.

B had time to decide if they could do it or not. I get a wedding is a big deal but is it happening overnight? If not for awhile there's still time to make the promise fulfilled to A.

Thank you everyone for your insight.

I have a different perspective from other people here. I agree with everyone that B is very much at fault and handled things poorly, but I also don't think it's fair for A to put the onus on B for potential failure. Had B revised the work, it would have been as a favor. A should not be so dependent on another person for her academic success. With writing, an outside opinion is tremendously helpful, but it's also important to have a sense of self-criticism that is strong enough to improve your work.

So, yes, B was in the wrong, but it also seems to me like A was a little too dependent on this.

Neither. For all the reasons already listed above, so I won't paraphrase and make myself out to be a broken record.

The friendship will suffer if they go into it waiting for the other to admit they, and they alone, were in the wrong. They both played their parts, and they're both at fault. In order to move past all this unnecessary and avoidable unpleasantness, they need to both address THAT fact, and not continue to waste time pointing fingers at eachother. The longer this goes unaddressed, the longer resentment has to build - and that could potentially end what has been a life-long friendship.

That can be avoided if these two (pardon me for saying) decide to grow up and stop putting their pride above their friendship.

Narceu - I don't really think it's fair to tell either to "grow up." Yes, pride is an issue. But the topics at hand are both important to them individually, and being told to "grow up" trivializes that. It's telling A to care less about her grades, degree, and career. And it's telling B to care less about her fiance, wedding and marriage.

But I do see your point about talking and working through it; I fully agree.

I wasn't saying they need to put how they personally feel about the issue on the back-burner - in fact, quite the opposite. How the other has made them feel is the entire point, and they both need to come to understand that. That being said, they are prioritizing their need to be right in a no-win scenario over that of their friendship, which is the problem. What you just explained underlines my point; they both have their stance, they both want the other to apologize for being inconsiderate. However, in order for anything to happen, they BOTH need to. They are both in the wrong for being selfishly oblivious to how their actions would hurt the other, thinking that their own lives and personal matters are more important than that of their friend's, and for letting this whole mess go on for as long as it has.

From my outside perspective (which is what you asked for), they are both being quite immature. In order for anything to improve, they need to prove to both each other and to themselves that they are above this. If they let it, pride will destroy this friendship.

I can tell from this thread, as well as from a previous thread you've posted in a sub-forum that you are directly involved in this (I can even make an educated guess as to which part you played). I apologize if my perspective offended you. I just hope you understand my saying so wasn't intended to be hurtful. I'm just genuinely trying to help.