I turned 25 this year.

One of my best firends turned 25 in January and my other friend turned 25 in April, my turn was August. As a birthday present I gave them 1000 Norwegian kroner, a condsiderable amount of money. Then we went shopping before we celebrated their birthdays. I explained to them that turning 25 was important to me, that's why I gave them greater presents then usual. My birthday was approaching and both my friends promised to come visit on my day. I was looking forward to my own 25 birthday. I wanted to celebrate it like never before.

One month before my birthday, my landlord (who I considered to be my friend) told me I had to move out within the next month because she was selling. This was during the time of the student rush, nearly impossible to find a place to live. I had to sleep on the floor together with many homeless students. On my birthday I woke up here, I was actually crying. Neither of my two friends came to visit me on my day. Because I felt so miserable I couldn't celebrate, besides it wouldn't have been fun all alone. I didn't even get presents from these two friends I went all my way to please on their day. All I got was a cheap necklage from one of them, not even worth 50 Norwegian kroner. I talked to one of my friends some days ago. She wants me to come to her second child's birthparty. But why should I show up for something she thinks is important when she doesn't give a shit about what's important to me?

There I was on my important day, homeless, betrayed by my friends, and all alone. The ability to trust people, that had slowly been recovered after my wretched childhood and youth, faded again. I don't think I'll ever be able to open up again.

Two questions.

1. Why is turning 25 so important to you?
2. Did you make big deals out of their 25th so that they'd make one over yours?

1. Because I consider turning 25 as a new beginning. This is when grown up life truly starts. At this age many people know what they want with their lives. I just think this needs to be marked somehow. I told this to my friends as well.

2. I did not expect my friends to give me more expensive gifts then other birthdays. Thing is they gave me worse then usual or none at all. I did expect them to cheer me up on my birthday. I expected them to value my wish to celebrate this day, but they didn't. That is why I'm so dissapointed.

Hello to a fellow Norwegian!

Sounds to me that you're basically disappointed that your friends stood you up, right? They should really have been more supportive, yes. After all, you had been thrown out and was all alone on your birthday. I'm sorry they did that to you!

Have you confronted them about that at all? I'm not thinking about the money, but that they didn't support you or show up at all.

I know how disappointing it can be when your plans fall apart. Just playing the devil's advocate for a moment, but did you ever consider what was going on in your friends' lives at the time? You mentioned one of them wants you to attend her child's 2nd birthday party, so at least one of them has a child...that's not a responsibility you can just toss aside easily and it's certainly not cheap. Maybe even after your talk about how you consider 25 a "new beginning" they just didn't really feel the same so they didn't think it was a big deal. There are many reasons this could have happened. The best thing to do is talk things out with them, let them know you feel betrayed, and not just sit and be hurt.

I thought 25 was going to be the age where I had everything figured out as well. I planned to be married by then, start a family, have my career going, the works. I did get married that year, but that was it. Honestly, being a certain age doesn't change anything. Don't put so much emphasis on age...just enjoy your life no matter what age you are and you'll stress out a lot less.

Turning 25 was important to me. More important than Christmas and New Years combined. I would have understood that my friends didn't find this important, if I hadn't told them how important it was to me.

My friend who has a child is in a tough life situation. Her boyfriend is a lazy jerk, she has no well paid job and she is carrying child nr two. I understand that, but it doesn't explain why she didn't give me anything at all. She could have given me a nice card on the internett or something. I only expected a cheap symbolic present from her. But when I didn't get anything, I was hurt, thinking she didn't care. I was in a tough life situation as well at the time. I was homeless and mizerable. I tried to explain my feelings about it to her, but she only started to talk about herself, trying to make me feel bad about speaking my mind. I did not get any apology. If she had politely explained why she didn't come or why she was unable to give me any gift, I would have had no problem forgiving her.

So when you confronted your friend about this, she didn't acknowledge it at all? She just started talking about herself and tried to make you feel bad about speaking your mind? In what way did she try to make you feel bad? Did she do this deliberately or is that just how you felt? I'm a bit confused on if you actually confronted your friends about this or if you just hinted around that you were upset about them bailing on what you felt was your special day. You may have told them beforehand that you felt turning 25 was a huge deal, but things happen...people forget things that they don't feel are important. I forget things ALL THE TIME that my husband tells me that are super important to him and he ends up being really upset later on when he has to tell me again, or I forget to do whatever it was that he asked me to do. If the last time you spoke to them about it was in April, I can certainly understand them possibly forgetting how important it was to you. Did you speak to them between April and August? Really just trying to figure out what could have happened to help you make sense of it all.

;; i understand this completely. my birthday was on the 27th of october and the friends that i was supposed to go out with didn't get me anything. they didn't even tell me happy birthday. they didn't even try to remake the plans that we tried to change. one of of the two i was going with-- i thought i was great friends with them-- they were having a surprise birthday for her that day and i was completely excluded. i found this out through her boyfriend (my supposedly good friend) and my best friend i've known since middle school. not one of them even mentioned my birthday to me. even after i reminded them that my birthday was on the 27th, the saturday before that sunday i wanted to go out with them.

the most i can say is you live and learn who you can and can't trust. and not to let that stop you from having a good time on your own. you don't need others to make it happy. c:

She tried to make me feel bad when I asked her why she didn't come to my birthday or give me any presents. It was a talk about the money she didn't have. As I already said, the problem was how she explained about it to me. Yes, it was clearly deliberately to make me feel greedy. I already know she has it tough, she didn't have to use that as a defence. Everything I wanted was a "sorry" and a friendly pat on the shoulder. I reminded my friends about "the big event" at the start of august. I'd like to think my friends have that kind of memory.

You've got a good point there :) Thank you, your words of wisdom made me feel better =^_^= What I have learned from this experience is that everybody is capable of lying or treating you like dirt, if it serves their own interrest. I'm really sorry about those "friends" of yours. Truly awful what they did to you. People really should respect others and not take them for granted.

The fact that she never apologized is very rude of her, I agree with you. But I will let you in on one thing, just from her perspective...her bringing up the money, I don't think, was deliberately done to make you feel greedy. She was just being honest in letting you know that times are tough and she had no way to be there. She probably feels terrible about it. I'm in the same boat with my best friend. She bought a house over a year ago and I have not been able to visit her because I can't afford a trip to see her...she's angry with me about it, but I don't have the money. There's nothing I can do. But I have apologized, and that's the difference.

Also, I'd just like to point out that even though I do agree that your friends ditching you without so much as an apology is mean and uncalled for, take a moment to think about this. This all began because you built up a huge expectation that they would do something for you because you placed a large value on YOUR 25th birthday and assumed they would do the same for you. When they didn't, you were hurt, and I'm not saying you had no right to be...PLEASE don't misunderstand that. I'm just saying that maybe instead of going all out for THEIR birthdays because you valued YOURS, you should have just hinted all year how special you wanted yours to be.