I've had moderate anxiety and disordered eating for about 9 years....I'm fairly sure that I have avoidant personality disorder and body dysmorphia, although I haven't talked to a psychiatrist about these issues so I'm not officially diagnosed and it could be something else....Anyway, it's recently escalated to the point of agoraphobia, severe depression and borderline bulimia.

I just went to see my gp today, and she prescribed Zoloft (I didn't tell her about everything...just the paranoid behavior and anxiety/agoraphobia). I'm hoping it'll help some because everything has been manageable until just this summer when I started getting frequent panic attacks, and I've already tried therapy which honestly didn't help me much.

I'm such a mess, haha. ): Anyway, I just wanted to maybe meet some people who are also dealing with mental health issues, just because nobody that I know really understands, so I feel like I can't reach out to anyone....

If you feel comfortable sharing and talking about your issues and/or recovery, please do so. (: I would really like to hear stories from other people so I know that I'm not the only one. ): What are you dealing with, what has helped you (if you've sought treatment), etc. Feel free to add me, too, if you'd like. (:

It feels like a lot of people here are. Personally, I have a looong history of it. I have anxiety and depression, hardcore with panic attacks. And minor OCD and visual delusions. I also have trichotillomania (pulling out my hair) and a phobia of dead animals. I have separation anxiety and missed the self-soothing stage in my development as a toddler. Yet, after all these continuing struggles, I am currently getting 4.0s in a very prestigious college, living 500 miles from my parents, and in a healthy open relationship with an awesome fiance. Things get better, even if the bad never totally goes away. I have been to two counsellors, one psychiatrist, and six therapist over the years. Only one of them actually helped me, and boy did she help! Now that I moved for college, I'm still looking for a new one o.o; Oh, and my psychiatrist sucked, she prescribed me prozac and lied about it causing depression in teens. Well, the lie didn't stop me from cutting and being suicidal. It only stopped me from thinking it was from the meds -.- Long story short, be careful with medication and your doctors. They aren't that smart or honest :P

However, seeking treatment is super important, I can't stress it enough. However, I've found therapy tends to be more successful and less dangerous than meds, especially considering the way the big medical companies have essentially bought out the FDA and psychiatrists. Finding the right therapist is the hard part, you might have to go to ten before you find one who works for you, personally I like humanistic therapists. Definitely be very very careful if you're trying meds, messing with brain chemistry is tricky, though it can sometimes pay off.

Anyway, feel free to talk to me anytime about anything :]

You sound like me! I haven't been to the doctors for anything though. My mother refuses to take me anywhere, ever. I had pneumonia for days and was almost hospitalized before she took me to the doctor. Even though we have insurance, she'd rather go on cruises then pay a 75$ copay.

My mother is abusive and on top of that I was bullied throughout my entire life and was abused by a few people I hung out with as a child. So I really don't like people and I'm depressed most of the time. I can't be in crowded places because I feel like I'm dying. I hate it. I could go on and on about this =p I really hate people, hence the username.

I went to the Dr last year after randomly blacking out constantly. He told my parents I have an eating disorder. After putting me through hell to find out the cause (including telling everyone I have CANCER, a BRAIN TUMOR, etc etc) he came to the conclusion that I have an eating disorder. This fat 400 pound dude told me when I was 18 and 155 pounds (at 5'6) that I was fat and made fun of me, is now telling everyone I have an eating disorder? Wow, I wonder why I would have that. I lost 35 since then, I'm 20 now, and I don't think I look any different. I think I might have body dismorphia too. I lost 4 inches on my waist, 7 on my stomach but I don't feel any better. I've reached my goal weight and now just want to lose more. I have anemia, ortho-static hypotension, and hypoglycemia. My mother became concerned about my eating habits for a total of 3 days before not buying me food again and yelling at me everytime I tried to eat something. She's morbidly obese as well and it disgusts me.

I was supposed to be being monitored and keeping a food journal (which I did before this happened) I was supposed to be getting blood tests done and seeing a nutritionalist but... no one cares anymore. I haven't been back to the doctor since. I've never gotten any kind of therapy or mental help even though I need it.

I can relate to soooo much of this. My mom is just like yours in terms of giving a shit. I asked to go to therapy months ago because I was too depressed to get out of bed for an entire month. She forgot about it. I had to bother her every day to set up the appointment I went to today. You think that when your daughter comes to you and says "I'm sure I need an antidepressant." that you'd be at least mildly concerned....My dad is an alcoholic. I lived with him when I was younger, and I think that's where the disordered eating started, because my dad lived off of disability checks, so we never had any food, and when we did it would be gone fast, so I got into the habit of hording it and eating it all at once....My step-father is also an alcoholic, but instead of being a deadbeat he's just a bastard. Neither him or my mother have their priorities straight. They'll buy a new TV before they buy me clothes. I've worn the same pair of jean shorts all winter (and I live in WY). -__- My mother is honestly so stupid, I hate her for it. My youngest brother is quite close to being obese (he weighs more than I do and he's 10!), but he's my mother's little baby. I hate him for being a fat brat. Fat is disgusting....I was bullied severely during elementary school, and I think it's the reason I'm so distrustful and paranoid about people now. I went to a small school, and the girls would pretend to be nice to me, and then run laps around the building to get away from me at recess. The boys, and one of the girls, would tell me things like "Are you sure you can fit through there?" and "If you want to be a singer, you're going to need plastic surgery." It's really astonishing how cruel children can be....

It's eerie, I also have anemia and hypotension. I gave myself hypoglycemia from eating sweets all the time, but I think it's gone away now.

I write down all the calories I eat. I'm always really paranoid that I've underestimated, though, so I'm almost to the point of literally measuring out everything I eat. I always just try to throw it up, anyway. I SWEAR I've gotten fatter, but when the nurse weighed me today I was exactly the same as 4 months ago. Which is almost disgusting in itself because I haven't lost weight, either. I only feel less fat when I starve or purge, even though I know it's not happening that fast and I'm just imagining it, and I know that good feeling will go away eventually if I let it get worse...but it won't get worse because I can't commit to fasting. I can't control my behavior in any aspect of my life.

For me, it's not just the weight thing, either. It's everything. My back is too bent, my fingers aren't delicate enough, my mouth isn't pretty enough, my teeth are too small, etc, etc. I feel like I'm disfigured even though I get told that I'm "sexy" often enough. I used to have a gap, too, and it was my LEAST favorite thing. I thought if I got it filled then I would be able to smile with teeth like everyone else and just be pretty, but I HATE my smile, and I still smile with my lips together and I still hate everything about my body. It's just so overwhelming because other people love their bodies, even fat people, and I don't get it. I hate fat people so much for being fat. I feel like I need to see the beauty in everyone so I can finally love myself, but I just can't. I hate it.

I'm open to trying therapy again, but I doubt my mother would stay on the ball, and I have no way to transport myself. I've always been wary of medications, because the things you said are true, but like I've said, it's been getting out of control and I'm just running out of options, so it seems like trying an anti-depressant might help. My doctor has been honest, though! I do a LOT of research on things beforehand, so I know what to expect, but my doctor was incredibly candid with me today. She told me that the medication will only help with the anxiety and the depression, if that. She has me coming back in to talk to a social worker because she thinks I need to deal with my paranoia via other routes, and she even had a bit of a heart-to-heart with me, which was sweet. She also said that new issues could very well reveal themselves down the line, and that we can discuss different options if something isn't working for me, or if something else springs up.

I'm glad that you're managing to do so well. (: I dropped out of school. I don't really care because I can't afford college anyway, so it doesn't matter much. And my boyfriend just dumped me because I am apparently, too emotionally unstable for him to deal with in his busy busy life. This is, after, mind you, we timidly agreed to the commitment of a relationship after fully discussing everything that is wrong with me. And I'm trying to get better obviously....It's so hard to explain this to people. I don't know, I was so honest with Jordan from the get-go, and he was always so understanding and was so interested in me, anyway. He said he still liked me enough that he wanted to pursue a relationship, and I'm trying to get better it's just never been this bad before so I have to learn all new tricks, and he just gave up. Like he was only unhappy about my mood for a few days, and then he just decided to give up. It's like all the time we spent happy together before that didn't matter? And it didn't matter that I was getting help and might make an improvement soon anyway? He couldn't even wait it out with me to see if I improved? He never had to agree to be my boyfriend, but he did. We could have stayed just a thing, but he decided to commit and we both knew EXACTLY what it entailed....I just can't ever do the relationship thing right. They always leave after a few weeks no matter what. No matter how careful I am. And Jordan's acting so mean now, like I wronged him. I was just depressed and I'm so confused about how he can act that way because he's honestly the nicest, most accepting person I've ever met? And it hurts that he blames me and hates me so much when I did nothing. He knew what he was getting into. He couldn't handle it, and he blames me? That's not fair. That's AWFUL. I'm not a bad person because he couldn't handle it. I'm so sorry for rambling like this.....

I'm sorry about your boyfriend, if somebody is worth it they will stick it out. You'll find them.

As for school, I am more concerned about you, assuming you're American. First of all, anybody can afford college with the help of scholarships, loans, and grants. Secondly, do you have a job? Is it something you're willing to do the rest of your life? Its very hard to get a job, especially one with reasonable pay and benefits, without a college degree, let alone without a high school degree. Why did you quit school? How old are you? What are you doing to ensure your future is alright?

I'm 17. I did have a job, but I stopped going because of my paranoia and anxiety. I made ~$1000 a month working part time, so I wasn't doing very badly at all. I know it's difficult to get a job, but I live in WY and we have a very low unemployment rate. It took me only a few months to find a job with no experience.

And I can't afford college, period. I would like to go, so I've looked into all the options, but I slacked off a lot during high school and didn't make a good GPA. I don't have any talents. So no scholarships. I don't want to take out loans because I don't want to stumble into adulthood with a lot of debt, and still have it be difficult to find a job, anyway. I plan on waitressing, because as long as you're decent at it you can make a living, and it's something that's fairly easy to find work doing anywhere.

I quit school for a lot of reasons: -I was having a hard time balancing school and work. I only worked till ~9ish every night, but I was always really tired and most of my grades were Cs (I usually have As and Bs, and then one F or D that ruins my gpa). I considered work more important because I had moved out of my parents' house and I didn't want to go back. -The person I was living with went to school with me, so it was sort of force of habit (I have a bit of history with truancy due in part to severe lack of motivation), but we got into a large altercation and I couldn't handle living with him anymore, so I moved in with another friend who had dropped out (she's a mom), and took up her habits which were hanging out with our mutual friends until ~5am every morning, so I was like, Why bother? Also, she didn't drive and neither did I, and I didn't really have any friends to rely on, so it was a huge hassle getting to and from school. -I had a health concern and missed an entire month of school because of it, so I was pretty much guaranteed to have to retake the semester. -I was really losing the last motivation I had left to continue school. I took summer school the last two years so that I could graduate early, because I HATE the social aspect surrounding school and I wanted to be done with it. I really genuinely enjoy learning, but the kids I went to school with were so bratty and ungrateful. It was a miserable time going and listening to everyone else complain because they had to be there, giving good teachers a hard time, not taking things seriously, being pissed that they were failing when they never paid attention, etc. And then everyone kind of teased me about understanding things, which doesn't bother me, but what does bother me is how they act like I have to be some kind of prodigy to get an A on a test when literally all you have to do is pay attention, and they all refuse. Basically, I was disgusted by their absolute refusal to take advantage of a free education. It was very frustrating to me because I didn't understand why they would act like that. Also, while most of my teachers were good teachers, I honestly wasn't learning very much. I've noticed that a lot of the things in school, they just keep reteaching because the students tend not to absorb it. It was frustrating for me not being challenged like that. My sophomore English class was literally a reiteration of things that I learned in the 4th grade. Very rarely would I learn new material in a class (biology and senior comp, to name a few, and I had SPECTACULAR teachers for both classes).

So yeah, basically I missed a lot and didn't see a point in going back.

My mother should really be on medication. We're pretty sure she is bi-polar but shes convinced that everyone else is crazy, not her. It's hard dealing with her. She thinks anti depressants are stupid and make people "not care" and how she would never take them. She needs to stop caring really. She freaks out over the stupidest shit ever. She has these episodes where she just looks around and everything she sees she yells about -_-. But she doesn't care about important stuff. Ugh. It's bad. I went to a small school too. My elementary school was K-6 and the most I ever had in my class was 20 kids. Then I went to another school where there was 150 kids in my class. They were all so horrible. I wrote a research paper on the effects of bullying before it became a "cool" topic because of all the suicides and found that bullies were more likely to end up in jail, and the bullied were likely to commit suicide later in life and be anti-social (well, a-social would be the more correct term). So yeah, bullying is probably what did it for us.

I can't do fasting either. I became vegetarian recently which eliminated a lot of what I ate from my diet (chicken in EVERYTHING). I've been eating vegetables instead and it's hard to get enough calories that way. The good thing with veggies is that they barely have any calories. I've memorized how many calories are in everything. I don't eat fast food except for the occasional fries if there is absolutely nothing else I can eat, I don't drink soda or eat chips/most junk food. I used to use Sparkpeople's diet journal thing religiously to track my calories but I've been doing it in my head the past few months because my laptop broke. I just got a new one so I want to start using it again. I tend to over-estimate how many calories I eat. Do you weight different in the Drs office than you do anywhere else? I weigh myself on my own scale and the wii fit scale and I always weight exactly 5 pounds more at the dr. Maybe mine doesn't know what they are doing. I'm sick of the big is beautiful, thin is disgusting thing going around. There's this show.. I forget what it's called but it's with HUGE plus size models and they talk about how gross normal sized and skinny people are and whenever someone looks at them they complain about how hard it is being plus sized blah blah. When I was growing up my "friends" that were fat and gross liked to point out everything wrong with me. They told me I have a big nose, little lips, small eyes, small ears even... basically that everything was wrong with me. Probably to make themselves feel better but I still hate it. I recently found out I have scoliosis so I'm paranoid about that now too. I'll feel good but then when I eat I feel like I gained a million pounds. It sucks.

That is so weird that you have the same things I have. o_O

Duuuuude, I know. Whenever I eat anything I'm like "You ate too much, you're going to get fat." I can almost see more fat after I eat, even though I haven't gained anything.

We don't have a scale at my house. /: I've been BEGGING my mom to get one. I think it might help me if I see that I'm not actually getting fatter, but I might just convince myself it's broken or something. It's possible your doctor is doing it wrong, although weight fluctuates throughout the day. If you have eaten something, or not used the bathroom in a bit, you'll weigh more.

I'm a vegetarian, too! Except I almost exclusively eat like Hamburger Helper (sans meat, it's like glorified mac n cheese) so I don't have any issue getting calories. I was vegan for the summer and part of the fall, I had a hard time getting enough calories like that. I literally had to eat constantly, and sometimes I'd still only eat ~600 in a day, with plenty of food and not being hungry or anything. I lost 10 pounds pretty quickly, even eating lots of Oreos, haha. I only quit being vegan because it was really inconvenient because I was moving all the time and then I quit my job and didn't have money for my own groceries, so I had to eat my friends' food and she is vegetarian, but she thinks being vegan is stupid and only has tons of mac and cheese and veggie corn dogs (which are the BEST, btw) and stuff. It was just a lot of hassle. I'm trying to switch my diet back over to more like it was when I was vegan, and go back to eating spaghetti instead of Hamburger Helper, eating more fruit instead of chips (except Fritos/plain tortilla chips with chili, yum) because I binge on them (Fritos and tortilla chips are fine b/c I don't like them plain, I only like flavored chips), drinking more tea/water, eating popsicles instead of ice cream, etc. Basically trying to eat more like when I was vegan without actually being vegan. I actually stopped drinking soda for the most part (I occasionally have some Sprite for stomach aches, or if I get a RARE craving for it) a LONG time ago because I actually don't like it very much. I find that it burns my throat a lot, and I don't think that's enjoyable at all. And it has SO many calories. I think it's ridiculous to drink stuff with lots of calories, because they count but they don't make you less hungry! Why not just drink water instead or something? If you drink one soda it's like a whole meal you can't have to make up for it.

I used to track my calories on LiveStrong, but I don't trust the computer to do the work for me anymore. Now I don't eat something unless I have the package to check the calories, and then I measure my food and write it down by hand. When I bake, I keep track of everything I use so that I can calculate the calories later, even though I NEVER want any. I always make myself eat a serving because I bake for other people, and I need to make sure it's good. Baking is pretty much the only thing I'm good at, and I don't want to ruin it.

My mom's not really crazy, she's just negligently irresponsible and SOOOO stupid. I can't even put it into words how stupid she is. And she never tells the truth. She doesn't pay any attention to me, and then she gets mad when I don't like something she brought home from work (she works at Salvation Army) or don't want to tell her about anything. She literally forgets me. I was sick a couple weeks ago, and she started making me lasagna and she got like half-way and just forgot! She didn't remember again for like an hour....Once she let her brother (who sexually abused both me and my middle brother) move in with us like it was no big deal (and she knows what happened, it's one of those family scandals that nobody talks about). She also has like three boyfriends outside of being married, but she acts so hurt when my step-dad cheats on her. It's fucking disgusting watching them. My mom denies that she has a relationship with other men, because she doesn't sleep with them, but she takes money from them and texts them constantly and when they fight she acts like it's the end of world. She's always asking me stupid questions like "What does it mean if he texts you first but then doesn't text you back?" It's like, if you aren't romantically involved with them, why would you even care?! And then she says things like "Well he doesn't like me, he has a girlfriend." SO WHAT. YOU HAVE A HUSBAND. It's just awful, and it makes me sick. She's just so stupid and trashy and she acts like a teenager still and she's like 40? You should have grown up when you had kids! There were three separate occasions where life said, "OK, time to be responsible now." And she failed every single time. Not to mention the only kid she ever liked was my youngest brother. Which I never cared about, because I was a daddy's girl, but my middle brother ADORED my mom, and that was "her" kid until our youngest brother was born, at which point she shoehorned Dylan out. So Dylan decided he wanted to live with me and dad when my parents separated shortly after, and my mom was always calling and saying that she'd take us to the library or to the mall, and then she'd call again like 3 hours after she was supposed to pick us up to say "Oh, sorry... I can't." Which is just awful for my brother, he was always so disappointed. My mom just acts like her behavior has no affect on her children, and it does. We're pretty much all the way we are because of my mom (except me, I'm smart because my dad pushed me to be and I despise alcohol because of him, and his carelessness is a lot of why I got bullied at school, not being able to wear clean clothes and smelling like smoke all the time, etc). I just hate her now. I know it's mean, and a lot of people are like "You can't hate your mom, she birthed you, she raised you." (or they have good parents and go "omg!!! me too! my mom is sooo strict! h8 lyfe") and it's like, you have no idea what you're talking about. Your mom raised you. Mine allowed shitty terrible things to happen me and absolutely failed as a parenting figure. I don't owe her any respect. I'm honestly jealous of people with sane parents. My friend with the daughter, her entire family is fantastic. I've met all of them and been to her family dinners and stuff, and it's such a great environment. Everyone gets along and they tell stories and everybody is always laughing and smiling. When my family gets together, everyone screams at each other and talks about whose kids are the most fucked up. One year I even got a garbage can full of trash thrown at me, not a small one, either, one of the kitchen-sized ones. But my friend refuses to move back in with her parents, even though not doing so means that she has to stay with her extremely abusive and controlling husband. I just don't understand? She thinks her parents are strict, but they aren't. They just care about her. This is honestly the case with a lot of people that I know. They think it's super cool that my parents don't give a shit about what I do, and let me stay out with boys all night and move out and smoke, etc. It's not cool. I mean, yeah, freedom is nice, but you know that your parents don't care about you when they buy you cigarettes, and don't ground you for not coming home until 3am on a school night. My mom PRETENDS to be mad because she know that she's supposed to be, but that only lasts a few minutes. Like no matter what I have done, I have never been seriously grounded (although my parents called the cops on me a lot when I was in junior high and sent me away for a long time, and I'm pretty sure that was almost 100% my step-dad's doing). I've never had my phone taken away (although I have gone through periods of not having service because my parents would rather buy beer than pay the bill). Teenagers in general act like their parents are so unfair because omg they won't buy you an iphone or they took away your car keys for ditching class. GOOD. They're trying to teach you to be a decent human being, which means they fucking care about you. I'd be glad to trade, stop fucking complaining. (not to say that some kids really do have seriously overbearing parents, i'm talking about the majority who all complain about the same stupid shit even though they get nearly everything they want and have good relationships with their parents). You should be glad your parents liked you enough to buy you all that shit in the first place so that you can even have it taken away. Maybe stop acting like an ungrateful brat, and then you can keep your shit? Now I'm getting more into "teenagers are fucking retarded" so I'm going to stop here. -___-

Yes. I have ADNOS (Anxiety Disorder Not Otherwise Specified), depression, and EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). I have a mixture of social and general anxiety disorder, PTSD, and OCD. I'm fat and I don't want to be a bag of bones but I try to eat 500-1000 calories a day and exercise like mad (when I'm not healing from surgery). Complete with fasting, purging, etc. To sum up: I'm pretty fucked up.