Last night I had a dream that made me cry. In the dream, I had a family that actually was nice to me and loved me for who I was.

I do not feel my family does that, or ever did. I feel like the "black sheep" because I turned out so different; furthermore, my "family" in this case is my mom's family, since I have little to no contact with my dad's. (My dad left home at age 18 and abandoned his own blood family.)

Reasons why I hate my family:

• They are extremely religious and pro-life people, and VERY conservative. I am libertarian, socially liberal, and pro-choice. I am also nonreligious; they go to Church every Sunday.

• Neither side (as in my family and me, opposing sides) wants to back down or compromise. Furthermore they like to "test" any boyfriend I try to introduce them to, usually in inappropriate, embarrassing ways. (i.e. won't let us leave until he's "revealed his true political and religious background")

• My parents emotionally, and some times physically, abused me, beginning in my preteens. I had to face down constant emotional abuse, and one time, the DCF got involved when I was 17. However, my family emotionally abused me further to the point where they told me I was "the scum of the Earth" for telling a friend about my abuse; the friend got the DCF involved. My father still blames me and holds a grudge against me to this day because of it.

• My parents regard me as "inferior" because I have Asperger's, or ASD-1, as well as other physical and mental problems, including myoclonus (uncontrollable jerking), OCD, ADD, and severe emotional issues due to their abuse. Furthermore my father regards me as "inferior" to my brother because he's a "boy who will carry on the family name". My father is also a racist, homophobe, and misogynist.

• My family, being pro-life, I feel are trying to force my decisions. they want me to remain in the same town where "the rest of the family lives" and marry a "good Christian husband", have kids and raise them Christian, yadda yadda yadda. I however really do not want to marry, much less have kids, to which they say "you'll change your mind". God forbid I ever get accidentally pregnant on my birth control and decide to have an abortion, as if they found out, they would condemn me for "killing an innocent baby" and "you're a murderer, how could you murder our grandchild?"

• If I ever do have kids, I want to keep them far, far away from my family. In fact, I would rather adopt kids then have them myself.

• Overall I am tired of them trying to get involved in my life.

Recently my mother has been pressuring me to move back to the little town where said family lives, but I visited them for a weekend and couldn't STAND it. I hate to say it, but I hate them so much for what they've done to me. So much so when I have a dream about having an actual loving family, it brings me to tears because I want to have a family like that so very, very much.

If I had my way, I would move all the way to the UK (where my dad's ancestors came from) and just live there.

I have tried talking to my family about these issues, but they won't listen. They are stubborn and have the attitude "you're either with us or against us". Furthermore my dad is not apologetic in the last for physically abusing me, and even tries to justify the abuse by putting the blame on me. i.e. "I saw you in my room hunched over something, you shied away, that must mean you were guilty of something!" (I shied away because I was afraid of him, and he ended up wrapping his fist around my neck and shaking me violently)

I feel like where there should be a connection to my family, there's a big, empty, gaping black hole that I feel that I need to fill. If anything, my family's actions and how they raised me feels like it leaves me craving for love. (My parents never hugged me as a child either, or barely did. They were already too stressed out and took out their stress on me to actually foster a loving, nurturing relationship with me, I feel.)

Sorry guys, I just had to rant a bit. :(

Rants are totally ok, especially when families are involved (because even the best of families grate on each others nerves).

I used to be terrified of what my mother would think of my life and decisions, but when I started standing up for myself (and actually didn't speak to her for six months) she started listening to my views more. She knows that I could fall in love with another girl if I so desired and she is going to be ok with it or she isn't going to be in my life, for example. Luckily she's the kind of person that chose to find ways within herself to be ok with it. Now, I don't know if you'll ever have the results I did, but you have to make sure they are given fair warning that they're making you unhappy and if they continue acting the same way you have to follow through with an action to show them that you won't accept this behavior (like hanging up on them if you're having a phone conversation and they start disrespecting you). I'm sorry that kind of sounds like toddler training...but in many ways it kind of is.

Once they realize that they aren't able to control you, then you might see a different side of them. However, if they continue acting the same way, then maybe you'll be better off just cutting ties (unless you have relatives you do like and that will be kept from you, which was a position I once found myself in, it's not pretty and I don't know how to deal with that as, somehow, my situation resolved itself while I was away at college). Its hard, but you have to find ways to believe in yourself and stand on your own feet, find the strength inside of you. Also, resolve to be better than them and follow through on that resolution. It doesn't sound like that will be hard to do (you're very aware of how inappropriate their behavior was towards you is what I mean by that; some kids go out and, even after cutting ties with their family for treatment like this, just continue acting like their family would have thanks to their upbringing).

Time to cut ties. I don't think this is even a situation where they might buck up and see a different side of you and treat you different. They aren't those kind of people.

Cut ties. As hard as it may be, divorcing your family will be the healthiest thing for you. Change your phone number. Shut off your facebook. Choose a new email. Move if you have to. Cut ties with people who would loyally tell them where you are.

These people are only family by blood, and blood does not have to dictate your relationship with them. My mother cut ties with her abusive mother and it was the best choice ever made. She did it for her, and for me.

Your family are the type of people that scare me, because I could seriously see them quietly locking you away until they've figured out your life and then forcing you into it. And in small, religious communities, it's easier to do than people like to believe.

I completely agree with . If you live with them, do whatever you can to move out.

I would try to make new friends and move in with them, and do everything Nightingale said. I suggest doing whatever you can to form close bonds with someone outside of your family, because when you have active support and a nice social life, it makes everything easier.

Save up as much money as possible. Sell some stuff if you want. Your family is detrimental to your health. Please do your best to get away from them and free yourself.

I actually don't live with them, I live about 3 hours away. However, my mother is trying to pressure me into moving back in because she is a control freak, and can't stand the thought of me actually doing things she disapproves of. (Premarital, consensual sex with my boyfriend, for one.)

When I lived with my ex for a about a year, she flipped serious crap about it and tried every emotional abuse trick in the book to get me to stop. I ignored her. Now, I live separately, and am trying to ignore her the best I can. It's been quite a struggle.

That's good that you don't live with them, although some of the other things I said still stand, like having close friends (and doing what Nightingale suggested and cutting ties). Having good relationships is really important, especially if you can't have them with your own family.

It's amazing that they can have that kind of impact on you despite not living close to you... I wish you all the best. Sorry about all your hardships.

EDIT: annnd I forgot to ping,

I'm sorry to hear about your family. :( that's so horrible. The way they treat you isn't right at all.

As you no longer live at home, and it's obvious from your posts that you want to be away from them, couldn't you cease all contact with them? I know they are your family it sounds as if you will be a happier, healthier person without them in your life. Block their numbers, e-mails, whatever or however they get in touch. You can do it for a trail period, to see how you feel without them harassing you. If you really need to, you can unblock everything at a later date. If you've blocked all the numbers and everything, then they won't be able to get in contact with you and it seems like, from this situation, that will be the best thing.

You don't need to put up with it, either. As you live 3 hours away, that is probably the best thing to do. If you don't want to do that without telling them, then I'd ring them and discuss it, but from what I see, they wouldn't listen and it would probably make the situation worse than it already is. Doing it without them knowing is the stress free alternative!

Oh and don't move back. It will make it 100% worse for you.

Also, as a side note, the UK isn't so bad! I live here and I don't see me living anywhere else. Would you take the steps to move over here and what's stopping you from doing it?

I am so sorry for you. I don't know you, but I would like to go to your parents and slap them away. You can completly break off any contact, but the feelings still there. I think you should start a therapy and ignore your family for a long time. You shouldn't love or care for someone who abuse you, even it's your family.

I had a complicatet relationship with my parents too (unsimiliar to yours). When I moved out and choose my own descions and had less contact with them, it's became better. But if they hadn't change they act I would never talk to them again. I think they know that and thats the reason why our relation stark working.

I hope you understand my braindead english :/

I'm sorry to hear your story. If you're living by yourself, your old enough to make your own decisions and your mom pressuring you into doing as she likes is completely wrong. The next time she does something like this you should just tell her something like: Mom, this is my life and my decision and you cannot change the way I feel. You pressuring me like this is useless, and to be honest, annoying. I'm old enough to think for myself. If you continue to behave like this I don't want to speak to you anymore.

And if she does continue, just be like: Mom, I have told you that this is a discussion that I don't want to have with you. hang up the phone if necessary. If you repeat doing this then maybe they will eventually get the idea that they have to take you for who you are. And if they don't, the contact will slowly break off anyways, because you will probably have nothing to talk about if the topic of how you should live your life is forbidden.

Again, I'm really sorry for your situation. A friend of mine was in the same situation a while back, she chose for herself and is a lot happier now. She still has the occasional contact with her dad, which is better now, because they both know the boundaries of the contact.

fuck 'em, i say. blood alone does not a family make. when people are toxic to your overall well-being, don't think you're obligated to keep them in your life, whether you share some genes or not. it might not be easy and you may not want to, but cutting ties with them is probably the best option. and personally, i'd tell them to stuff their bible up their backside on my way out.

Last night I slept with a guy, with a huge tattoo on his chest: "My love for you will never die. You're all that I got, My dear family!" He said that it's obvious to love your parents and your family. Well, I felt a little disappointed. Lots of people have problems, of many kind. You're one of them. Unfortunately, my family's composed only of my mother, but yours is a little larger... And that's not good for you! Too many people that are trying to control you and to give to you their problems. I'm so sorry, again; and, you said you live far from them? I'm happy for this. That means a lot. England's beautiful and stunning. Go there :D And, don't worry for the rants. They're REALLY helpful. Stay strong and stand up fighting for your indipendence.

My dad is a evil hearted human I don't even think he has a heart and he is a monster a complete jerk. He use to abuse me and my siblings as children and then he would try and weasle himself back into the house. My mom is idiot for even letting him back into our life . I do so much for him only for him to treat me like crap and threaten me all the time.

For instance today I got payed I put 20 dollars of gas in the car because I had asked if I could use his car to get groceries since i dont have anything in my house to eat and the nearest grocery store is 10 miles away and he said yes, well the asshole lost at the sino and became pissy and my mom text me saying the car is overheating which is a lie because she doesn't want to take me now. So I freakin text her back and she told my dad and he text me telling me I am not aloud in his car to go walk my ass or go on a bus because hes not giving any rides to me.. so I really hate my family because all they do is use me until they don't need me.

I completely understand how you feel. I feel the same way with my mom. And the "father" I grew up with. They hardly gave me any love and hugged me and what not and always verbally abused me. But instead of hurting me physically they hurt my brothers. (Not my mom but she allowed it to happen). It's call cut ties with your parents and don't talk to them. They don't deserve to have a child like you if they can't see who you are as a person. Be strong and stand up for yourself. They can't control you what's so ever. You are your boss. No one else. And if they can't see how horrible they are cause I notice you got DCF involved then they don't want to even help themselves. And it's not worth it to try to talk to them about it. Cause they're dumb parents. I hope this helps a bit :/

You should not have to endure that abuse. You don't seem to shove your ideals down their throats so why should they? You can have some of the same morals and values as a christian and live a happy healthy life. If you believe in God then you should know that he loves us unconditionally no matter what. I'm not super religious but I am spiritual and I hold some of the base teachings of Christianity dear to me. I also hold other religious teachings close as well...they all boil down to the same things. Love. I don't see you getting love. I see you parents love you but I don't think they know exactly what they are doing. If you are an adult and not reliant on your parents then you are not obligated to them and they will either have to get used to that and accept you how you are as our all loving God would or not see you at all. This is your life and it's time to tell yourself it's ok and what happened is in the past. You need to move forward and forgive and forget the pain and then your life will truly start. It might seem like hell now but one day it's going to get better and you will be in control of your life. Try some cognitive behavior therapy...look it up it's all over the internet...it can help change those negative feelings that burden you into positive one to help you move on.

I hope things have gotten better on the months since your last post. There's just no point in trying to stay close to such people - it's like drinking poison.