I don't want to be rude(but I kind of do...)
Replies
So this is going to take some explain. Text wall ahead with the background story. I will try to keep it short but it's going to run long anyway.
Bad friend is bad
A little around a year ago I discovered an RP group on Tumblr who invited me to join despite me having no previous experience. The people I had gotten the invitation from have mostly since left the group except one and she's the one I'm currently regretting ever talking to. Let's call her Mary.
For a while things were good. We made each other laugh a lot, I was always happen to get on to RP with her or talk to her and we became quite close. However after... maybe 3 months there was a problem. I don't deal with drunk people at all due to how I was treated by my alcoholic father(that's an entirely different kettle of fish) so discovering she was an alcoholic(she drinks for 10 hours straight, drinks every time she goes out which is every weekend, drinks in excess, steals wine from her parents, has many stories about waking up from being passed out in strange places and just general believes you cannot have a good time without alcohol being involved) was very disappointing. However after asking her to no longer leave me drunk messages I thought things would be okay. I was wrong.
One night I came into our group chat to her and another friend in it. Now prior to coming in our chat I was told by the other friend that she had been drunk posting all afternoon and if it was going to upset me I should steer clear of the chat. I said I was fine and logged on. I asked Mary if she was okay(because she was obviously having trouble typing and things like she normally did when she was wasted), she said she was but then launched into "I'm sorry I ruined your good time and made everyone mad at me" and then she just fucking disappeared. Come to find out she had deleted all of the drunk posts she made when she saw I was online and told our other friend to lie to me if I asked whether she'd been drinking. Other friend understandably to Mary not to put her in the middle like that and that she'd already warned me she'd been drinking.
After this incident I was caught between the two in uncomfortable tension because Mary thought she was in the right and the other friend resenting being asked to lie then having to apologize to Mary because her feelings got all hurt when the lying didn't happen.
Fast forward about 3 months. I've been noticing several "personality quirks" Mary has besides her alcoholism. One of which is that she is incredibly spoiled. Her parents pay for all her things, her schooling, her food, her internet, her phones, etc etc. She thus has no concept of money and act extremely snobbish when someone tells her they can't afford something. For example she got a new Wii and immediately was harping on the rest of the group to get one as well so we could all share stories. I don't have the spare cash to get a Wii. I told her as much and her response was "waawaa if you loved me you'd buy it, just buy it". It really pissed me off and it's not the only time she's done as that. Anytime she goes shopping or something she always brags about how many things she got and how we should all buy the same things because they're so good even when she KNOW we all don't have the funds.
Another quirk is that she's got a nasty habit of looking down on Americans which I am. She's not from American and has only visited here. If this where just gentle ribbing I could stand it but she gets really nasty and condescending with it sometimes. If I don't like something she likes it's because I'm "too American to understand why it's good" or I'm "blinded by American patriotism". We got into a huge argument over whether or not American spelling counted as "real spelling" whatever the hell that means. She uses it synonymous with "dumb" a lot. It got to a point where I felt like she was expecting me to apologize for being born and living in the USA. I'm not okay with that and when I told her as much she threw a hissy fit(she's prone to them) and told me I was "a stuck up American prude."
Yet another quirk is that, we're in an RP group so a lot of our interaction is based around that. She doesn't want to RP anything but porn and lovey-dovey romance. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that once in a while but if that's not what we're doing she won't RP. She'll leave in the middle of threads because somebody got upset with her continually asking if the characters could have sex and never come back to them. She's abandoned whole plot lines because nobody would fuck her character. She's generally just pissed everyone in the group off with her attitude that the only thing we're good for to her is a bunch of porn buddies and that she has a right to become mad at us for wanting to do other things. They're about to kick her out of the group, my vote was one of the few keeping her in which I may have to subtract now because of recent events.
So now that you have the history, let me share the final straw. We had planned for months to do a certain plotline. It involved one of the characters in a relationship splitting for a while. Due to certain circumstances we had to bump the plot back a few weeks from when we first started(she was having a rough time, I understood and said it was cool). But now... she won't do the plot. She says she's going to and yet never replies to it. She's locking my character up in this plot because she doesn't want the porn to stop. Mary has also been extremely rude to me when I ask her if she can post any on it, then whining when I throw her chilly attitude back at her.
So this is my pickle, I am done fighting with this girl. I don't enjoy talking with her anymore, everything she does is getting on my nerves, I'm through putting up with feeling like she's looking down on me for not being able to afford what she does and for living in the country I live in. I sort of just want to tell her she's a bitch and to fuck off but I know that's rude. What's a good solid way to end it and get the "don't talk to me again" message across without sounding like a ripe twat?
[Edit] After a few chilly responses to her whining and the rest of the group telling her to change how she was acting she RAEGQUIT without me actually have to break down to her what a total bitch she's been to me. I guess some problems really do solve themselves in time.
[flower=RedSekhmet]
It's not gonna matter how you say this to her, she's going to think you're an ass no matter what. Just tell her outright that after all of her behavior, you're done and that you don't want to talk anymore. It doesn't have to be a long talk, just long enough to tell her that. Don't let it turn into a fight. You'll get your point across quickly if you say what you need to say and walk away. She'll really get it if the rest of your RP group basically does the same thing.
Ohhh, I know how that goes in more ways than one.
Unfortunately, you have to do what's best for you in the long run even if it is for something like RP. If she's upsetting you, she needs to back off and check what she's doing, not the other way around.
Seriously, it's just a game and personal issues like that really have no place in it. If someone starts lying to you about doing something, then it's really time to pack up and go someplace else.
It sucks but sometimes that's the best you can do.
She calls you stupid, lies to you, whines if anything doesn't go her own way... I'm just confused as to why you're worried about coming off as rude when you tell her to get lost.
She puts you down, doesn't interact well with the other members, and has a general poor attitude. it doesn't matter how you say it to her she's going to be upset so just put it a frankly as possible without "yelling" if possible. She needs to learn the world does not revolve around her.
"May your day be a good one!" Ms_FroggiePixie
soo... how did you guys knock it off as first in the beginning when her character is mostly lookin' for porn? oh boy. I don't understand how it's "rude" of you to vote her off the island if she's treating you and everybody else that way.
I think it's better that the whole group confronted her about her behavior, though, and she has to grow up to her actions at some point in her life. Hopefully. //what a waste of money that girl is... tsktsk
Well at first she would do other plots, but she was hesitant to do them. We thought maybe we could convince her to broaden her spectrum but then she just completely stopped doing other things when we asked her to cut down on her smut.
She was a friend, I mean we started off liking each other. I was half hoping she'd change. Doesn't matter much now that she's gone and blocked everyone in a rage quit.
[flower=RedSekhmet]
Just be completely honest with her. She reminds me of someone in my life, so I can relate to you. It's annoying to have to pretend to be someone's friend. You should just tell her exactly what you told us: That you don't enjoy fighting with her and that she's starting to get on your nerves. But don't be rude.
I understand she's being rude and everything, but why stoop to her level? Just leave her be, one day she'll piss off the wrong person. But whatever you do, make sure you get out of this mess. Don't continue talking to her if you don't enjoy it. Best of luck!
