I usually don't turn to forums for advice, but I feel as if I need it this time. This is quite lengthy, sorry.

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship right now. Previously, we did live together, but after he left for Basic Training over a year ago we stopped living together. We have broken up once, and I dated another guy during the time afterward. Several months later, I stopped dating him and went back to my boyfriend. He was deployed overseas, and we typically use skype or text messaging to speak to each other.

He's been gone for over seven months now, and we were doing fine until we were told he was going to be stuck there another year, and that his leave was pushed back (he was suppose to come home roughly a month ago). That is when things started getting rocky, for we were relying on him returning on leave to sort out some plans we had, and to see each other again.

I've always been slightly depressed, but when this happened, it just got worse. I'm unmotivated to do anything even more so than before (I'd at least start it before). He has always nagged me about things ("Go find a job", "Go exercise", "Do this, Do that" I think you get it) and at first, I sucked it up and did some of it, but over time, I stopped. Instead, I became extremely frustrated, and we began arguing because I have been having a hard time to find a job (He just tells me to join the military, and I do not want to do that.) and that I'm unmotivated. He tells me to become motivated and to do something, and I told him I'm not like him, and I work totally different when it comes to being motivated. (I'd thought he figure that out after living together for 6 months.)

Recently, he began to ignore me and not speak to me for several days, thinking that it would be able to get us to start a conversation and not argue. Instead, that just made me go on a rampage, explaining that doing that is not going to fix our relationship at all, and that it'll make it worse with time.

Today, I hit my breaking point and told him to leave me alone after we had a huge fight a few days ago. He told me that if I don't fix this relationship, that he is leaving while mentioning he is the only one who puts in any effort into keeping us together. I got annoyed, saying he wasn't the one who stayed up all night to even have a chance of speaking, or the one who packages to cheer up the other one, or the one who even leaves little messages or emails.

TL;DR: My depression is really bad now, and my boyfriend thinks that nagging and complaining to me is going to get me to do something, but I get angry instead. We argue a lot now, and the distance is not helping. I'm at my breaking point, and I have begun to stop caring of what happens.

Even because of all of this, I still care for him. I don't want to lose him a second time, but I'm really emotionally tired of my relationship, and quite unhappy. I'm just looking for some opinions or advice.

I know this is a really tough thing to consider, but being so hung on this man has affected your life in a strong way :( Enough to cause you depression. Is taking a break to think for yourself and work on yourself an option for you? I just feel that you personally need that down-time right now. You're alone, separated from him, and this really sucks and it is really taking your toll on you. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost before you're able to continue with this, else the fighting is just going to continue, it seems. You're alone, and it's hard to be alone, but if you look at it in the right way, you can turn being alone to your advantage and it can make you a stronger and happier person if you simply explore the independent position that you're now in, instead of rejecting it always to be dependent on him. I'm not saying to end things completely. Just, perhaps, a break, to see if this is truly what you want. A break to take a breath of air and rise from the depression that you're sinking in. Also consider that yes, your boyfriend is nagging you, but he is doing it out of concern for your well-being. He wants to see you succeed and he wants to see you happy. I'm sure he is frustrated that he cannot be your physical dependency, and so he is over-compensating for this by being a little over-bearing through words. I understand the connection between depression, long-distance relationships, independent vs dependent, loneliness. I understand it all too well. What helped me was taking a step back from that and being my own woman. It was a liberating experience for me, and one that I have definitely bettered from mentally.

You need to direct your emotional reserves into yourself. You need to invest in yourself and rebuilding those reserves of yours and finding something meaningful to you that isn't your boyfriend. You don't have a job right now, so you should begin by exploring hobbies while you still can. Once you get a job, it will take from the opportunity to actually commit to any hobbies, so definitely try to raise yourself out of where you are with things that will ease your mind from the chaos that is within you right now. Immerse yourself in painting, writing, heck, make a plant terrarium, make 10 of them! Those are fun! Volunteer somewhere where you can direct your self-loathing into an empathy for others. Begin the healing process for yourself. Goal-setting and a determination to commit to those goals is vital at this time. Set yourself some small goals. Like, eat a healthy breakfast to boost your energy that you so desperately need to combat your depression. Little things, that grow into big things until you have built yourself a wholesome and healthful routine that will set you on the road to recovery.

I know this isn't an option for everyone, but counselling may also help you. You may not have to go for very long. I didn't. I just needed a direction to head in, some thought processes changed, and my amazing therapist provided that to me. She taught me how to set goals, and now goals are the very essence, the very heart of my being able to fight my own anxiety and depression. I wish you luck. I know it's tough. I really do know.

Go to therapy. He obviously cares about you, but he's not going to ruin his life over a person who doesn't want to change and he's smart for that. You have to be the one to make yourself feel good, don't rely on other people, and don't act like he's making you angry, YOU are angry.

I do know he is doing it for my well being, but I guess I don't like to look at it that way. (I'm sorry if that seemed selfish). I actually decided to go into a government problem to help young adults with preparing them for the job force, and offering some training. I thought it may actually help get my mind off of some things and such, and get me out of my house. But thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it.

I just started going to therapy recently, but it hasn't been for dealing with my anger issues (which will come up next time). But yes, thank you for the suggestion, and for reminding me to talk about that next time I am in therapy.

I know that it is sometimes hard to see what other people are doing for you as being helpful. I guess just try to keep it in mind. :) And that is a really great way to get yourself rolling. Therapy and that government program. You aren't going to make a complete turn around right away, but you are definitely on the right track. Just keep fighting. Not with him, but with the real problem: the depression. You're on a good path. Really emphasise this with your boyfriend.

Good, that's great. Keep with it and I think it will solve a lot of your problems over time. Don't be afraid to explore different methods of psychology and don't be afraid to try medication, and if you're on one that you don't like, tell the person, they'll try a different type or change the dosage.

It may sound harsh, but I don't think your boyfriend is wrong for trying to push you to get out and do things to make yourself happy. I would be infinitely frustrated if I were dating someone who lacked the same motivation for the things that I had. BUT having said that- he definitely should not pressure you or try and guilt-trip you or make you feel worthless. But it sounds like you are just two very different types of people which is obviously going to make this a struggle; you both probably perceive the situation very differently.

I'm a workout fanatic so I'm on his side that things like yoga or working out DO give you motivation and it does give you an activity to occupy your mind and work on your body as well. And with that comes a boost in confidence. And with a boost in confidence can come a boost in motivation to do things you normally wouldn't try. It's proven by science that working out releases endorphins that make you feel happy. But if working out isn't your thing- you definitely need to find something that is. If you can't find a job, involve yourself more deeply in exercise, volunteering, a new hobby like art or writing, reading, basically anything really. You need to do something to keep yourself occupied until he comes back. It doesn't seem like you'll be able to sort much out while he's overseas.

I think you should just take a little 'break' from him (I don't mean break up, I just mean perhaps don't speak for a couple days so you can regroup yourself a bit) and tell him that you need some space to work on yourself and to cool down from your recent arguments. I've been fighting a lot with my long-term bf lately too and I've found that distance makes a world of difference. Talking constantly trying to 'figure it out' will only make you get on each other's nerves and make you both feel stressed out. Just take some space so you can have a breather and figure out what you really want to do.

If he doesn't make you happy (and I mean genuinely, not just because of the distance) then perhaps breaking it off is an option you'll unfortunately have to consider ):