My boyfriend is feeling really down at the moment. We had an argument earlier today, mainly because of his cousin.

Basically, he can't say no to her when she asks him to do things for her. She lives on her own, with two kids, and a dog. On the weekends, the kids live with their dad, and she likes to go out and do things with her friends. Me and my boyfriend like to do things at the weekends too, but just lately his cousin keeps asking him to housesit or dogsit for her while she's out.

He told her no, he's doing things with me this weekend, but she flipped out. She said no one else can do things for her, so she has to rely on him, and he'll be letting her down so much if he says no. So he was guilt-tripped into dogsitting for her and now the weekend we had planned is ruined.

This has happened too many times now. I ended up getting angry with him this morning and now he's upset because he tries to do the right thing but always ends up upsetting someone. I told him that he just needs to be more harsh with his cousin, say no and mean it.

She is so selfish. She's got lots of friends and family but she always asks my boyfriend. We both work during the week. She can't, because one of her children is disabled and she's his carer, so she basically lives for the weekend.

But so do we! And it isn't fair! My boyfriend is so beat up about this now. So much in fact, he was crying earlier today, and I'm worried about him.

Why does she need a dog sitter? Is she not coming home at all? Because that's really no excuse. She can go out for a few hours and the dog will be just fine. If she's worried about it peeing and pooping, that's what crates are for.

- Apparently she's out all weekend, but it's not a case of him leaving a mess, it's because he barks when he's left on his own. Our dog barked too, it's what dogs do - but sometimes, you have to leave your dog for a few hours. His cousin would prefer my boyfriend to be there ALL weekend with him though. She doesn't expect him to have a life of his own. It's all about her.

I don't dislike his cousin, she can be really nice, but she uses him, and that just isn't fair.

Yeah. he def needs to step up and say no because otherwise she will expect him to always be there. It's her dog, it's her responsibility to be there for it.

edit

what if you talk to him about coming up with an every other weekend plan? That way he won't feel so guilty about not helping out, but you guys can still go out and so can she?

- That sounds like a really good idea actually, thanks :)

your boyfriend definitely needs to be firm with his cousin. It's completely unfair that your bf is getting worked up over this to the point of crying about it, especially since he's clearly trying his best to be helpful and his cousin just doesn't seem to understand that other people need their weekend relaxation time just as much as she does... If i were your bf i wouldn't try and make any kind of deal with her or promise her anything, that way she has a hold over him and can use it against him if he can't make it for whatever reason. At this point i'd just make it clear to her that while he doesn't have a problem helping out when he can, or if she's really desperate, it can't be an every weekend or frequent occurrence, since ultimately her dogs and kids are her responsibility and harsh as it sounds, it's not your boyfriend's problem that she wants to go out. He can also encourage her to ask other people instead of him every time, since you mentioned she has other friends/family .. sounds like she sees your boyfriend as a doormat that will drop everything for her, and that's something that needs to stop before it escalates any further.

Obviously your boyfriend needs to be firm, but he might also offer his cousin an alternative (perhaps a friend or someone he knows that dog sits). If you choose the every-other-weekend option and have someone available for her to dog-sit in either case that he might want to spend more than every other weekend with you, then you'll be golden. If she's not paying him to dog-sit every weekend, he needs to stop entirely because she is using him and she needs to grow the fuck up. /mean