My dad crossed a line with me today after he posted something very rude and embarrassing on one of my facebook posts. It upset me so I PM'd him and asked what he meant. He laughed about it saying "I got a rise out of you! Hahahahahahaha!" which only made me more upset. We spoke for about 5 mins, and in that time he called me a loser, and told me I needed to grow a pair of balls, grow up, and move on with my life. This is all because I haven't decided on a course in life yet (job, college). I'm 20 years old which is still young, and I know very well what I need to do, but he always bullies me and pressures me about it which only makes me stress even more and when I do, I go back into my shell and ignore everyone around me = going nowhere. I lost all respect for my dad, and I blocked him from my facebook for good. He's planning on visiting in just 2 days but I told him not to bother coming. My life is just falling apart, it's complete shit and I don't know what to do anymore...giving up sounds very good right now. What's worse, I broke down crying like a child after our conversation, and it spiked a headache which I had to take medicine for...I suffer from headaches nearly every night from stress, and he provoked one earlier. I have been asking for help for months now but nobody seems to give a damn about me. My life is going absolutely nowhere and I don't know what to do now.

What... the hell is with your dad...

Is he some kind of 30 y/o reddit nerd who lives in his mom's basement? Good god.

I know this may be over simplistic advice, but try to distance yourself from him. He's not doing anything to help you, he's just behaving like a little man-child.

You said he's coming to visit so I assume he doesn't live with you. That's good, that will make it easier to drop connections with him. You don't need anyone in your life that teases you and makes you feel like shit. Not even your own parents.

You're 20 years old and you don't have a job or a college major. That must make you feel like a loser. I'm in the same boat and it made me feel like a total loser. I was being too hard on myself, as you are too. I have my reason for lacking a job or going to not college. Part of it has to do with recovering from a traumatic experience, also healing from some mental health issues that escalated because of this like anxiety and depression.

You sound like might have anxiety or something. I think you should prioritize your mental health in what ever way possible and lighten the mental load you seem to be under. Its not healthy, and its not worth it. It will just cripple you further.

I don't know who or what you've been asking other people for help for, but I don't think anybody can help you except yourself. Don't ever think that just because no one is helping you they don't care. Some people are put off by the neediness of others. Its hard to take care of our own problems, so when someone comes to us and seems to want to drop off all their problems on top of us without taking the bulk of their responsibility, we get intimidated and run.

Also, taking responsibility is not the same as holding yourself responsible. When we fail to take responsibility seems to be the time we hold ourselves the most responsible, even though we shouldn't.

Just try to relax and don't be so hard on yourself. Ignore your dad's mean comments and cut ties with him.

Sorry for the ramble.

I hope you realise how ironic it is that he makes you out to look like you're immature and not grown up by saying things like that :P He's the one that should be growing up. Honestly, I don't know how one can view someone like that as a "parent." If he's so delusional as to think that by saying those things, that he's going to "help" you, I think he needs to work on his people skills. Most people don't respond positively to attack... I don't wtf he was thinking. Parents are supposed to help their kids with these things and support them...it's kind of the point of being a parent.

Keep in mind your situation is really common nowadays. I'm in the same boat as you, and I feel bad too, but I know of folks who didn't get their first job until their mid twenties. I'm working on my issues atm, it's not easy, but I know I'll get there eventually. I know you will too - most people do.

I always say this to people but...if you have friends, stay close to them, and try to get out as much as possible. From my personal experience that helps greatly when I'm feeling depressed. It's not something I get to do everyday unfortunately (and I don't have any friends) but when I get out it just...helps motivate me and lifts me up, somehow. Humans aren't supposed to be cooped up inside all day and, we're social animals so I think we definitely need to get out and interact whenever we can...even if that part is uncomfortable (it is for me...introvert here, yeah, hi).

IDK what your lifestyle is like but if it's like mine where you're inside almost all day, everyday, or where you're just not talking to people you like very often, try to change it.

Sorry my advice probably isn't all that helpful.

Pinging my support group for you perhaps they can give you some helpful advice.

I agree with about cutting ties with your father, he sounds like a pig. You are only 20 years old, you are still young and it's normal to not know what direction to go in right now. Lots of people go through this, I am now and I'm 24 years old. I'm stuck however for the next few years because of my car payment so I have to have the job I hate so I can pay it off. But when it's paid off I still don't know what I want to do. -sigh- I do want to go back to school though, that is for sure.

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JujuPi

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Emotional bulling is not ok especially from a parent! I am glad that you have the medication needed to heal with the stress migraines, that has to be a help. I myself go through them and know the aggravation they can cause. I could go on and on about how ironic it is that he said you were immature when he’s the one who is but there are other things to talk about.

First of all your only twenty and it’s more than okay to not know what you want to do for the rest of your life. I agree with others that it’s actually a good thing that you are taking time to reflect on things and discover what you do want to do so you are not stuck in a job/career that you end up hating. Take this time to as mentioned take odd jobs to see what interests you, you may discover what it is that you really want to do! That way you can tailor your schooling to the career you want instead of the other way around as also mentioned.

Second, I know what he said was hurtful but if it were me I would treat him with kindness and tell him how much it hurt you. I would also make sure there is a family member or trusted friend with you for the conversation. He is more likely to listen and not hurl more insults at you. After explaining how his words made you feel I would tell him that if he continues in this manor he will lose you as a daughter as you will sever all contact with him. If he continues then he really doesn’t care about what your feelings are and you would be better off without him in your life.

Have you considered talking to someone about your stress? Stress to the point it causes migraines is not a good thing and I would talk to a counselor if you can. I know that talking to one about my anxiety issues have been a great help!

Thanks for the ping!

I've had a similar experience with my family. It's hard, because he is your family. You want his approval more than anything, but whatever has happened in his life prevents him from being able to give you the love you deserve. No one deserves to be emotionally bullied by their parent. I know the feeling of wanting to change who they are so that they can love you the way you deserve. There is nothing wrong with being confused. You are young. Our society pushes us to know who we are before we are even old enough to know that. It's tough. You can't change your father, but you can change yourself and the way that you deal with him. I'm always here for you if you need to talk.