So I'm back again, unfortunately. My last boyfriend broke up with me around the beginning of April. I haven't seen him since late March.

Since then I've been getting over him. I miss hanging out with him, though, and told him this on Facebook a couple days ago (even though I highly regretted it afterward and vowed to never contact him again). I told him if he ever wanted to hang out as friends, to let me know. I wasn't expecting any sort of response and I would have been okay with that. I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest and extend some sort of proverbial olive branch.

Last night he messaged me back saying "Yeah, for sure. Just let me know." I was pretty stunned. To be honest, I don't know how I feel about it. I'd love to hang out with him again, but I'm worried. I'm worried if he really means what he said, and also what will happen if we hang out. I'm not a jealous person at all. I told him when we first started dating that an open relationship would be all right with me. I don't know if he really wants to be friends or is just looking for sex or what (furthermore, I probably wouldn't be 100% against having sex with him).

Also, while it takes a lot to make me jealous, I'm concerned he might have a girlfriend or be casually dating someone and that it would undo all the progress I've made in getting over him thus far. Although I suppose if I'm being 100% honest, a tiny part of me wouldn't be opposed to getting back together. But I'm a firm believer that once a relationship is over, you can never go back to the way things were. So I would be fine with us hanging out as friends and having a 100% platonic relationship (or at least giving it a try). I realize I probably sound like an emotional hypocrite who can't make up her mind.

I'm just so conflicted. Any thoughts or advice? :/

In all honesty, I think it just depends on the two people. There is no right or wrong when it comes to this situation. Some people just can't remain friends once they've broken up. It'll make things tense or awkward between the ex-couple, and it's just not worth trying anymore. For others, it is completely alright. They're able to stay friends despite the past, and it doesn't affect them much.

So what I'm trying to say is, you will never know until you try. You may regret it altogether, or you may be really happy that you two put in the effort to remain friends. Personally, I have never been in this situation before. But some of my friends just cannot look at their ex in the eyes anymore, and others are able to hold a good friendship between each other still.

It's just a risk that you have to to decide to take or not, I suppose.

You need to be apart from him and not contact him in any way, either first-hand or through a friend for a few months to allow your emotions to settle down. Otherwise you will just get conflicted. It's the same as picking at a wound and never letting it scab over and heal, our brains work the same way with emotional pain.

I think you should distance yourself from him a bit more before trying to hangout with him. You said you wouldn't be opposed to having sex with him or getting back together with him- two obvious signs that things aren't completely 'over' for you yet. If you wanted a 100% strictly platonic relationship then there would be no question of getting back with him or not, but the fact that you've been pondering it most likely means that you still have feelings for him. You can have sex with someone as 'just friends' of course, but I think there's a good chance you're harboring feelings for him.

If he's over you, and you're not completely over him, it could make your friendship really messy. Because if you have to hear about other girls he likes/is dating/wants to date, it could upset you and completely undo all the progress you've made. I don't think it would be good for you to go see him any time soon.

That and you mentioned you just wanted to be friendly and suggest hanging out, he could have just been being friendly in return and not really meant what he said completely. It would have been awkward for him to say "idk if that's a good idea" so perhaps saying "yeah, sure" was his sort of go-to reaction? If that makes sense. But tl;dr, I think you should take more time to heal and fully get over him before trying to see him again.

Thanks for the advice (especially Blir -- you really put things into perspective for me!). Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at things), my ex never got back to me. I messaged him back Saturday afternoon asking if next weekend might work, and while he might be too busy to reply, I feel as if he's probably changed his mind or never really wanted to see me in the first place but perhaps was trying to be nice (just like you theorized, Blir). I guess it's time to forget trying to be friends since he's probably not too interested. Live and learn, I suppose. It's for the best, anyway. Eventually any remaining emotional pain will heal and I'll probably be pleased with all this. Thanks, everyone, you're the greatest. <3

Glad I could help a bit (: it's A-okay to be friends with exes, but definitely give yourself some time first! Hope it all works out for you (:

Sorry that things didn't go the way that you were hoping for. Since I've never been in that situation before, I was unsure of how it works out. All I did know was that it varied from person to person. Hopefully you'll have better luck later on!

No worries! It can definitely work out, but it really depends on the individuals. Except now I'm over-thinking the whole situation and wondering if for some reason my message didn't go through and he didn't receive it and that's why he hasn't replied (which is ridiculous since I've never encountered that before and up until that message, he had replied). It's stupid of me and I wish I had never contacted him. I was happier without all the guessing and analyzing. I guess this is the concrete proof that I still have healing to do.

UPDATE: I thought I'd update everyone who has posted here so far. My ex messaged me last night saying "Sorry I didn't see this until now. Call me sometime." I feel like that's a bit of a cop-out and I don't think I'll be calling him. Maybe he genuinely didn't see my message until yesterday, but I doubt it since I've seen him on Facebook whenever I log in. I'm not really sure if he just feels guilty about ignoring me and is trying to be nice, but I'm just going to leave things the way they are and continue trying to move on (or possibly message him back saying I've realized I need more time before trying to be friends again -- I don't really know yet). Just thought I'd let you all know! c:

Totally up to you! I admit, Facebook can be kind of glitchy sometimes. Messages are sometimes marked as read for me, even if I haven't read it yet. But it depends.

Do what you think is right. If you prefer to take some more time, then I would suggest doing that. If you do things too early, then it may give bad results. Wait until all of your emotions of him diminish to just friendship. I can say that some of my friends have a bad habit of trying to talk to their exes too soon, and it just makes them more upset and harder to move on. I think personally, I'd throw a message to him. Even if it is simply saying, "Give me some more time; I've realized that I'm not ready yet and need some more time to heal before we can be friends again. I'll message you when that day comes--promise!" Maybe not exactly like that buuuuut a ballpark. A message in reply would simply show him that you're interested in keeping a friendship, just not right at this moment. And besides, that'll keep him from wondering so much about what could possibly happen in the future. That's just me, though.

You're right. I'd feel rude not getting back to him at all (which is probably how he felt and the reason why he really messaged me back, but who knows). I'll tell him I'd still very much like to be friends but have realized I need a bit more time before doing so. Thanks for your advice!

Any time :) Hopefully he won't be immature and continue to try to talk to you within the time frame.

It's a good sign he responded back to you at least! I don't think he would have responded at all if he was "just being nice", I think there's a good chance his response was genuine. Saying something like "oh text me sometime/Facebook me sometime" is kind of a cop-out since it's so indirect, but calling someone is a bit more personal. But I would probably respond saying that you need more time instead of just leaving him hanging and not replying at all. That way he doesn't think you're being rude or ignoring him.

But hopefully he will respect that you want more time like said and you'll be able to recover a bit before befriending him (:

Speaking from personal experience, its best if you get your emotional "baggage" as it were, out of the way. I made the mistake of talking to my ex before I was truly over him, and it made things kind of messy in terms of our friendship until I DID get over him. Now, we're still friends, sometimes with benefits. I am glad I am friends with him, though. In the end... if you still want him in your life, as friends, its best if you let your heart heal first, then bring him back into your life so you don't make my same mistake.

I made the mistake that i started to hang out with my ex before i was over him, and it made everything so much worse. All the feelings i once had for him came back, and after only 3 weeks I met his new girlfriend and that hurted me so much I almost couldn't stand it. Once when he was drunk we made out and even had sex and the next day he acted like it was nothing and told me to forget everything that happened. So personally, I don't think it's a good idea to hang out with your ex before you don't have feelings for him anymore. I don't believe being friends at this point will work out. I hope you'll find out what's the right thing for you to do.

Maybe there'll be a happy end, because after i was over him we went on being friends and then we fell in love again. Sometimes you just have to wait and everything turns out alright :)