My parents are moving an hour away from here, meaning I have to go to a different school. On top of that, my friends were the only reason I bothered living and not staying missing when I ran away one day {to go into the history my parents and I have is extensive and filled with horrible things}. My dad says I can't live with him, which was my only chance of not having continuous episodes and not being on the edge of suicide at every waking moment. I definitely won't be surviving the end of this year. I can't escape this negative environment which basically wants me to kill myself. I don't know what to do. As far as I know, no one will let me live with them and my mom won't let me live with anyone else. What do I do. Please help me. I only see one option anymore.

I don't know where you are, but if you're in the States, call this number: 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Line)

Why won't your dad let you live with him? Is it a money issue? How cooperative has he been--have you guys tried to work something out, or did he just say "no" from the start? Have you explained the situation thoroughly? If he understands how negatively your environment is affecting you and he still won't let you live with him, then he is being a really terrible parent.

Have you actually asked other people if you can live with them? Friends? Relatives?

I'm sorry if it just seems like I'm barraging you with questions, but I want to get more information so I can offer better advice.

I wish I could take you in. :( I understand how it feels to feel like you have no other options. It sucks. If my parents would agree, you could stay in our guest room.

It's a money issue and he knows that my life with my mother and stepfather is absolute shit. He was actually the one that had to go and find me at two in the morning when I ran away. And he's rather resentful and hostile toward me at the moment because I "only call him when I need something," which is partially true, but. I mean, I would find a job, pay rent, even with my IB schedule. But no. I can't escape. I can't stay at my school. I have to go and I'm stuck in a place that will only bring me down and make my medical condition worse. And my family is well aware I have MDD and am prone to suicide. I attempted a year and a half ago, actually.

I highly doubt there's anyone that'll let me live with them and even if there is, my mother would probably say no. It's hopeless and I'm going into a permanent state of mind no one wants to go in.

I live in Florida. And I want to stay at my high school. Or at least get away from them. But, as you can see, I don't have a choice. I'm doomed.

The fact that you are coming on here and asking for help indicates to me that you aren't 100% behind the idea of ending it all. Good. I don't like that idea either. Let's focus on that part of you that wants to keep going, starting with that "I definitely won't be surviving the end of this year" phrase. You don't know that for sure, and the extremely negative connotation can't be helping things. Could you trade that in for a better mantra, such as 'I'm going to make it another year' ? If that seems daunting, can you say 'I'm going to make it through this day?'.

You can keep in contact with your current friends via phone, email, messengers, Skype, letters, and visits. 1 hour away isn't too far, and they aren't going anywhere. I know it can be saddening, but they are all easily accessible through phone and Internet. :)

Since the living situation seems really bad, I'm going to be drastic and suggest maybe joining the military or Peace Corps or something? Anything to get away. I think you said something about being in high school. After you finish that up, you could maybe try to sign up for one of these organizations if college isn't an option for you.

Also, I swear I'm not stalking your threads. D:

See, but this also arises another problem. I'm in the IB program and the school I'm going to also has IB. But. They don't have the language course I'm taking. And I did not take three years of this hell just to give it up now. Also, each year since 2010 when my parents divorced has only been getting worse. At this point, it's very hard for me to think positively. I already hate myself, my mother and stepdad hates me, my father suddenly resents me... I have friends, but, I mean, my immediate family has more effect on me, which I think makes sense. Getting away would mean waiting until after high school. But so many things have gone down now and I don't even want to know what will happen my Senior year. This will not go well.

Please don't do anything rash, you can still talk to your friends by calling them etc.

If you are thinking of suicide, tell someone!

You can try to get Emancipated? or if you're old enough go for military/peace corps or something with parent signature.

EDIT: Bah Magic beat me to it.

I'm trying not to, but my Borderline comes into play the at the same time my MDD does. And so I can't be held accountable for the rash actions I make.

I'm in IB, which does not leave much room for getting a job. Also, they definitely wouldn't let me get emancipated. My parents are restricting and constricting.

You said it was your father that tracked you down when you ran away--would he do it if you left again? Would your mother? I normally wouldn't suggest something this drastic, but it sounds like your home life is terrible.

I know it sounds hopeless to you, but at least try to ask other people if you can live with them. The worst thing that can happen is that they'll say no.

Don't think it's actually their choice in you getting emancipated, then again I haven't looked that much into it x.x

What's IB? also if a high school degree is a problem you get a GED and try to get scholarships and all that to pay for it. Can also go to a hospital too and see if you can get your assignments sent there?

Don't say that, you DO have control

I'm trying to, but I highly doubt they'd let me do that. And I want to so bad. But.

International Baccalaureate. Wiki it.

I really don't. I've honestly stopped trying.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem :(

I've heard that time and time again. Doesn't change the way I feel.

Is there any way you could contact your new school's IB program coordinator and ask about the language? Those people are always more than happy to work with students. Seriously. I don't know much about the IB program, but maybe you could take low-level language courses at a local college to supplement for the program?

Just by you having friends it means you can connect with people and are a likeable person. Don't feel like the world hates you, because it doesn't. All these people on this thread trying to help you don't hate you. And you also have friends, which is more than can be said for some people. I think you are stuck in a rut where you are assuming the future is bleak. Senior year could be GREAT for you! You don't know it will be horrible, and you can't prove that it will be at this point in time. It is a blank slate.

my mom already did. there's a lot of complexities that would be hard to explain.

it may not hate me, but at the moment, it's certainly against me.

...suck it up.

Hello, my name is Cassandra, it's nice to meet you. :) I don't have any idea who you are, but sometimes telling a random stranger can help out on many things. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'll be here for you~

Anyway, just remember that things always get better. Even your greatest turmoil will end eventually. I promise~ My friend tried to commit suicide, it was the most scariest thing I've ever seen. too much blood. blah, please feel free to message me, cause I'll listen~

yeah, hold on, let me just go put on my big girl panties.

thanks.