How do you deal with this situation? Like I can't even handle this on my own...

So like 2-3 years ago I dated my best friend of 4 years, for explanation sake we will call him Z. We dated for a little while, but like most friend-more than friend relationships go, it just didn't work out. The breakup was messy, resulting in many attempts on both sides to get back together. The final attempt ended in him cheating on his girlfriend with me, promising me that he would break up with her (naive, but true).

A few months later (like 6 months or whatever), I started dating a guy who we will call A. We have been dating for over 2 years now and I love him more than Z, yet I still can't get over Z, partially because he is one of my best friends.

Now when I say "best friends", it's not the type that we're always hanging out and shit. By best friends I mean he is one of the closest people to me. We don't hang out anymore, and we rarely stumble across each other in daily life. Z knows everything about me and he is into all the same stuff as me, which is what makes him one of my best friends. Unlike most people I actually hang out, he listens to the smallest details, like my preferred candies and such.

So the question here is, how do I get over loving him. No, I don't want to break off the friendship, but how do I stop loving Z the way that I love him?

I think that's probably going to be very difficult. In general, most first loves will always hold a place in your heart. It's like that for everyone. They're hard to get over because they're that first big heart buster that you experienced all those emotions with.

Unless it's ruining your relationship and causing you to not be able to function as you should, then I would just not focus on it. The more you obsess about it the more you make it harder on yourself. You can't just KILL feelings. Let time run it's course. Eventually you will not feel as strongly for him, but no doubt, he will always give you warm fuzzies when you think of him.

Time. Time is what will make things easier. Also what said, stop thinking about it. occupy your time with somrthing else. If you start thinking about it do something else that consumes all your thoughts like a video game, or reading a book. Eventually you will stop thinking about it.

not sure I still am in love with my childhood friend like he is so my soulmate only the idiot doesn't realize it. Yeah and like I liked other guys and stuff but like there is something about him it's like my heart belongs to him lol gl though.

I think one of the only solutions would be to think of the traits that Z has that you adore, and see if your boyfriend can fill those gaps. If your boyfriend doesn't listen to details of you that you feel are important, then perhaps speak with him about this and tell him it would make you feel better if he knew/cared about little details about yourself. No two guys are the same, but perhaps he doesn't realize how important certain things are to you, but would try if you gave him a bit of a push.

Unfortunately I think another way would be to distance yourself from Z. It's great to keep exes as friends, but only if they aren't going to make you stray from your current relationship. You probably wouldn't feel great if your boyfriend had a lasting crush on one of his female friends, so you need to be mindful of his feelings and whether or not this friendship is good for your relationship. First loves will always have a special place though- you'll never 100% be over him, but you should at least give it a good shot because feeling this way could definitely hurt your boyfriend.

Honestly, I don't think you ever stop loving someone that you truly fell in love with, no matter what happens. My suggestion though would be to try to deal with those emotions so you can put them away somewhere in the back of your mind. Distance is usually the only thing that will allow for that. If it were meant to be, you'd be together. You'll only end up hurting yourself and your boyfriend if you let your emotions for Z hold you back. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. I went through something like this and it took me about a year and a half to get where I am through immense amounts of therapy, self-exploration, and lots of bad decisions. I wish you the best of luck, dear. ❤️

I can definitely say I've been exactly where you're at. My best friend C pretty much for life was a person I fell really hard for, he said he had the same feelings etc. and nothing romantic ever happened BUT he knew all those small details, was there for me throughout lots, and is my BEST friend. If I had a male clone he'd be it. He was the perfect guy, same sense of humor, wrote me songs, listened really well to everything, and was just an old fashioned gentleman. I waited a few years for him to figure out his feelings and finally when someone else (B) came into my life he realize what he had just lost after me waiting around for him. We actually got into a huge fight over B because C didn't think he treated me right/knew me like he did/was the right guy for me. etc... B and C pretty much hate each other because of this and it really put a damper on both my relationship with B and my friendship with C. (I'll also state C was in a band that I helped manage/promote/was the 6th member of and B wasn't fond of me hanging out with the guys instead of him all the time).

Now, 5 years later C and I are on better terms, B however still hates C because of some other crap that happened with the band... anyways, C still holds a huge place in my heart and I love and adore him to pieces however its not in the same romantic feelings that I had as a younger person... its more in a best friend/brotherly way and its mutural with him.