I feel like I just need someone to talk to, because it doesn't seem like people that I know in person actually understand anything that I'm saying to them, so I'm hoping that random people online are going to be more helpful.

Sorry in advance for the wall of text.

Depression is shit, for one.

I wasn't always depressed. Like five years ago, I was having a lot of issues with anxiety, and it eventually got to the point where I was having trouble eating or sleeping, so I went to the doctor. They decided that I have generalized anxiety disorder, and put me on anti anxiety meds. They had me on them for like three months, and then didn't renew my prescription, so I assumed that I was going to be ok after that. And for a while, I was. It seemed like after I got over the major bullshit that I was going to be alright. I actually felt pretty ok for the next two years. I managed my anxiety with writing, and music, and spending time hanging out with my friends. It actually wasn't all that terrible, except for how I was a catty bitch to pretty much everyone at the time, because when I was in high school, I pretty much learned to manage stress with sarcasm. But three years ago, I started dating the guy who is now my husband. In September of 2011, I moved three hours away to live near him while he was in college. That was actually pretty awesome, because before that, I had a really terrible job, and was so stressed out 100% of the time that I was having trouble sleeping, and literally couldn't eat without feeling nauseous. So moving away from all of my problems was awesome. Except for how, when I got there I didn't have a job or car, and was constantly stressing out over that. It pretty much stayed the same way, even after I got a job and a car, because that's when we got our really terrible roommate.

We got rid of our terrible roommate a year and a half ago, and after we kicked him out, there was always the stress that he would come and break into the apartment, or something. That went out on until we moved and he didn't know where we were. 2013 was an awesome year, because that's when we got married, even though it was difficult with all of the monetary stuff that came up at the last minute.

The constant anxiety turned into depression I think at the end of last year. My mother was in the hospital and was diagnosed with a chronic health condition, I lost my job as a work from home tech because of my shit internet wiring which my landlord wouldn't replace, and everything kind of went to shit. The beginning of this year, my cat had to have most of his teeth pulled, I realized that because of my back problems it's going to be hell for me to find a job.

I lost all motivation to do anything other than sit around the house. The house got really messy, which made things worse. I stopped talking to pretty much all of my friends and stopped wanting to go anywhere. I'm at the point where I'm so depressed that I can't even motivate myself to do something fun, and all I do is sit around and feel either sad or completely neutral. I'm so stressed/depressed that I literally forgot to go to an interview yesterday, even though I woke up at 9am, and the interview was at 2pm. I was just laying in bed feeling blah, and then at like 3 I realized that I should have been somewhere.

I literally don't know what I need to do. I'm on anxiety meds again, but it doesn't really seem like they're helping, and my doctor doesn't want to give me anything else, because she's not a psychiatrist.

Why don't you see a psychiatrist and get PROPERLY diagnosed? Generalist are not formed to do that kind of job an analysis. I strongle suggest you to seek one, get a proper diagnosis and see a psychologist every few weeks to help you. I also suggest you to ask him/her a discussion group where you can share about whatever is happening to you.

Seek tools, seek tips and don't fall even more. Don't let yourself be eaten away.

Like Far said, I would suggest going to see a psychiatrist. I know there's a certain stigma people attach to going to see a 'shrink', but there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You could also search online or ask your doctor/psychiatrist about support and/or discussion groups in your area. It might help you to talk to others who have the same problem. Issues like depression and anxiety should be treated like anything else you'd go to see a doctor for. I know about all of this because I suffer from anxiety and depression too. The meds I'm on work for the most part, but I still have some bad days. I think with any meds, there will still be bad days and good days, because that's just how life is. How does your husband treat your problems? He should be willing to talk to you about what's going on and help you with things, maybe go with you to any appointments (even if he stays in the waiting room), and I know there are support groups and such for people who have loved ones with depression/anxiety. I know it's hard to reach out and get the support you need, but it's something you should really do. You're worth getting the help you need and you deserve to be taken seriously about it. If you ever want to talk about it or have any questions, feel free to ask me. I may not be online every day, but I'll answer when I can.

I'm not gonna say I completely understand because honestly even if I have felt the same, we are all a little different. I'll just say you are not alone. I've completely missed appointments and sabotaged myself with work, school, friends, and relationships because of depression/anxiety. I too have had days where I'll spend the whole day preparing to go out and stressing over that one thing I need to do, only to completely miss it. It's a type of phobia and phobias by definition are irrational so it is ridiculous to try an rationalize it. It's not being lazy or feeling sorry for yourself, its an illness that needs to be treated and hopefully cured. It's very difficult for anyone who has not been to the depths of depression or felt that overpowering fear from anxiety to understand.

It sounds like your doctor needs to refer you to a psychiatrist but its going to be up to you to go. It may take a huge amount of effort from those around you to help you seek treatment initially because your illness is such that it easily derails you. I'm currently going through some medical stuff and I know if it wasn't for those around me I would just give up on myself and let it consume me. I think you need to focus on finding a way for you to be content and able to accept yourself. It's going to be difficult and even worse when there's the added prospect of new doctor's bills but you won't be able to move forward without understanding who you are and what you need to do to get past this. If you feel you are truly unable to work then maybe filing for disability is the answer until you are well enough to go back to work. You need to discuss your options with your doctor and husband so you can have a plan to move forward. I wish you luck.