Apologies if this seems kind of long, I will try to create a SUMMARY as best I can.

Not sure where to begin, but here goes:

I am a young woman, not your typical teenager. I never had a teenage life, ever. I suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). These things have caused a great deal of trouble in my life, particularly since I have struggled with them since I was a little one. They cause a lot of damage in my relationships. I have only recently come to terms with them and accepted that I have to be the one to change it. They're not going to go away on their own.

Now, in 2010, I met a great guy online. Some of you may understand that love is not impossible over the web, some of you may not. After a year of being together, he had a choice to make due to parents, me or them. He chose me. He moved two states for me. Now, I'd never met him in person before, so this was all really overwhelming and frightening. However, he moved into a trailer on my grandma's property and helped out a lot. My mom, him, and I moved out into an apartment and he paid partial rent and helped out at my grandparents. Things seemed good.

My mom got tired of us, because we became selfish assholes. She moved out. Things became too much for us to handle. We became violent with each other and he physically hurt me pretty bad a few times. Most people would have just up and left, but I couldn't. I loved him, he loved me. We realized how fucked up we were, started working on ourselves, he got laid off, my mom rented another apartment and has been helping us out.

My grandpa got really sick. Fiance took care of him every day, because my family is his family now. He is really a good guy sometimes.

The fighting had continued and it's been a really draining road to travel on.

I'm scarred from him, inside, mentally and emotionally. I become so easily irritated with him, that it is unbelievable. Our relationship is like the Notebook. It's hard, but the love is just so strong.

Anyways, I broke up with him, but we still live together and still act like a couple. I call him babe without thinking. He takes care of me...

I have been seeing this guy and I like him, but there's just so much missing and I can't even look at him without feeling a heavy weight on my heart. I worry that it's just guilt, but I feel like maybe I should go back to my fiance. It doesn't help that this guy and I have slept together... Sex is really emotional for me and I gave that to him... So I feel a sort of emotional cling to IT. Not him, but IT. I feel like if I just leave now, I just had meaningless and completely pointless sex, which kind of makes me feel like a complete whore.

My fiance and I, we share something that no one else I have ever met have... I would rather not share what, because it's complicated and not very many people understand, but I know that we share that and we have a bond a connection that is explainable.

However, I want to be able to move past the pain that has been caused in the past, but don't know how. But I feel like if we both really tried to work on our relationship and ourselves, we could truly be happy...

My head feels confused. My heart feels torn. I don't know whether to try and move on or try to work things out with my fiance. :/

What do you think?

I'm so glad this video came out today, as it describes the gist of what I was going to say. If you need any more advice, skim his channel. He's great.