It makes me feel really bad because my boyfriend says things aren't the way they used to be. He says we don't talk or laugh as much anymore... and he's right. the deal is, we've known each other for so long that there's just not much to talk about or learn about each other anymore. Not to mention the fact that we live in different states currently. It's hard to spend time with him through a phone. I don't have an xbox to play with him on, I don't have a webcam to skype with him, and it just hurts because we don't spend as much time together anymore. I want us too, I miss it, and he does as well. I'm just not sure what to do.

It makes me feel so bad. I try talking and having conversation with him. We laugh and stuff. Just not as much. And it makes me feel worse because he'll talk about how he talks and laughs and spends time with other people. Yeah, thanks for making me feel bad. I feel like I'm losing him. I feel like this is my fault. I've always been a quiet person, yeah, but we DID used to talk and laugh and flirt more and he misses that. He misses it being like it was when we just met, when we were learning about each other, etc etc. And I know it'll never be like THAT, but come on. I know there's something I can do...

I'm in a long distance relationship as well and my fiance and I went through something exactly like that recently! We still are a little bit, we do webcam on skype and stuff but there was a time when he wasn't getting online at all and I felt like he didn't want to talk to me. I confronted him on it and he starts to get on more but mostly texts. 8/ As for sparking up your relationship again, there are plenty of ways to and just because there aren't a lot of things to talk about, doesn't necessarily mean it's over! ;3 I've known my man for nearly five years and we learn new things all the time, maybe... try to get into something new together at a distance? Maybe you two could start writing little love letters to each other, it would give you something to look forward to! I'd make him a care package with all his favorite things in it! <3 That would be sweet!

I certainly hope things get better for you! Don't give up just yet, there are plenty of things that can bring that love and chatter back out in your relationship! I'm learning that every day!

I know there's still things to learn, he won't write letters though. He doesn't see the point in it when we have texting. I have sent him a poem and card and some money but that's it. On top of this, we're having other problems that makes this harder. But I'm just trying to deal with this one right now. I'm happy for you though. :) I'm not a good conversation starter, I don't know what to say. I'm just having a hard time trying to figure out what to do.

Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. OnO It was a suggestion, so there are other things that you could try! The thing is, your relationship is a two way street and he has to be willing to try things with you, if not then he's not being fair to you. My fiance and I have trouble finding things to do together a lot, I find myself just sending him hilarious videos just to strike up conversation or to get him to laugh.

What is he like? Maybe I could better help you if I knew a bit about him? :3

He's trying... I think.

Eh, he loves video games. So I really try to talk to him about that a lot. but there's only so much you can say, you know? I try learning new things about him, asking him questions about his life. I try to share my life with him and tell him more about myself. He's lazy.. he likes to read but doesn't do it often. He loves music. We talk about this stuff when it comes up but... idk, it seems like there's not much anymore.

What do you guys have in common? Do you get to visit each other occasionally?

ahhh I can relate! Really though, the most sound advice I can offer... get out of your comfort zone, but makes a great point - you both need to be willing to pitch in. Relationships can get rough when your only means of contact is via words, at some point you can end up feeling like you're just being distanced.

I'm dating someone long-distance, too. I remember feeling the same as you for a while, so I decided to get a webcam and we now use that pretty regularly, and I can say 100% I always feel way better after that, you feel closer. Do you have a microphone? I bet even just actually speaking from time to time would help out a lot.

If he's not willing to do things too then I agree, he's not being fair. It makes no sense to complain about a problem but offer no solution to fix it.

We don't visit, we're like 500 miles away :/ Though I'll be moving there soon.

I mean he's still here with me, so he cares and wants to make things work or else he would just go, ya know? He's not the kinda person to stay.. We talk on the phone and text and that's it. Even when we talk on the phone, we don't say much anymore. It's like the same stuff over and over again. No conversation. We converse sometimes, laugh and talk about things. Get to know each other more. I'm okay with things... but he's not. And ever since he brought it up, it bothers me. I keep saying it'll change once I get there, but will it? Will things still be the same?

well I definitely think things will change once you can spend time together in real life, you will always learn things about the other person - even minor behavioral quirks - that you can't necessarily notice online. What you really need to do is try to think of things you can do together online, which you still have to. For example as I mentioned my boyfriend and I regularly cam, but then we also watch movies, play games (ones you can find online/MMORPs), things like that. Sadly things won't just change unless action is taken. :/

I know... I really want to webcam with him but I can't find the webcam, and the laptop is being fixed. He doesn't play online games, just xbox. I don't have an xbox to play with him. We've watched a movie together once or twice but don't do that anymore. I've been wanting to though. A date night would be nice. I just don't want to feel like things are being forced, like we're talking about anything and everything just to have conversation.

I can get how you don't want it to be forced, but someone has to initiate, right? Maybe ask him what kind of movie he'd like to see, let him choose. Unless he's the type of guy who just doesn't liking watching TV/movies, he really has no reason to not want to set away a couple of hours for it. Honestly, I try to do something at least once a week so it eases the fact that we're so far apart. At worst, ask him to make suggestions about what he thinks might help.

Regardless, believe me when I say it isn't your fault. It happens to essentially every relationship at one point of another, it's just a matter of figuring out how to overcome it.

I think when you get there things might get better, you'll be able to see each other and watch things together, play games together. You'll be able to go on dates and have new experiences! Some people want to get into relationships and don't really consider how much of a job it is. it takes a lot of hard work to keep a relationship up and some people don't want that responsibility. It's not always going to be easy, but it's worth it and I think if you two really want it, you'll find a way to bring that spark back. <3

I know this is hard, I actually have never been in a long distance relationship, but I know the feeling. Sometimes, there really isn't much to talk about if you can't see each other even more than once a week (that was how much I was able to see my man.) But, you both have to be willing to help fix it. After reading this whole topic, it almost sounds like you've already given up too. How old are you? Are you incapable of buying a headset or webcam online, or even going to the store to buy it? Is he incapable of funding one for you? What computer are you using right now that makes it incapable of skype conversations? Yes, he has an xbox, but honey, you can get yourself an msn account, and he can add you as a friend, and you can voice chat together while he's playing his 360 if he has a headset. I've done it before with some of my friends. All you need is a hotmail, or live email, and msn will make you a hotmail account. After you get skype, there are PLENTY of movies and shows you can find online to watch together, and if you PM me with what you like, I can probably suggest a few for you with links. I am content with being quiet, and not talking as well, and I know your struggles. I'm horrible at making a conversation (ask Epathia, omg) but at some point, it is easy to make that an excuse, instead of a real reason. Pick yourself up and out of your sad little hole, and make yourself noticeable to him again. Maybe dress up in something cute and pretty, like a dress or something and send him a picture like "HEEEY! Look how pretty I's ammm! When I move up there, I'm wearing this on our first date together!!" Or something... but you've gotta be willing to pitch in too. Sorry if I sounded a little harsh though. ^^;

Yeah, I understand. I don't want it to seem forced because I just want it to be natural, just us talking instead of trying so hard to find something to do and talk about. But if it's that hard then it's not really gonna work out right? :P We just talked about it on the phone. I told him that we could start talking more, have a date night, watch a movie together, get on skype when I get the laptop back, anything. He wants to work on things.

Aww, you're right. :) Relationships take work and dedication, and I don't think he'd still be here if he wasn't willing to put the work in. He wants to, we've talked about it.

Hehe, no. It helps me when people are hard on me. I see what you're saying. I'm trying not to spend money because I need it to move there, so I can't just go out and buy things. We have a laptop but it's being fixed so once it is we can skype. And I didn't know you can do that with the email/xbox but we text and talk on the phone so I don't really see the point in it. I haven't given up, I just get emotional about things quickly. I'm impatient, and while I know things take time to fix.. I always want them to be better overnight when I know they won't be. But you've given me some good suggestions. The pictures thing, I could totally do that. just come up with cute little ways to flirt and get him excited ya know?

I'm so glad you guys talked about it! I really hope you can find ways to have things to talk about, flirting is definitely a good start!

Me too, me too :) I'm just gonna keep trying, and pray for the best.

Yes... I'm a fairly blunt person... ^^; But anyway, there are tonnes of things you could do online with him. and I are best friends long distance. We have animes and movies we watch online together and that helps give us things to talk about... but he needs to know and be reminded that every single moment you two are together does not have to be filled with talk. It's fine to not talk every moment, but if it really bothers him, I'm sure you two could fine some riddles or 20 questions to play over the phone! They may spark conversation pretty well. But even though you should try to talk about things he likes, he should do the same. Relationships are give and take. Sometimes he is taking more than you are, sometimes it's the other way around. And sometimes he may be giving more than you, and vise versa. If it gives you hope, my man and I came through our time when we didn't have much to talk about, and we have been happily married for a year now... going on two in May! :3 If he really loves you as much as he says, and you the same, then it will work out. Worrying over it won't help. So just chill out, and look up online for fun things for long-distance couples to do! MSN has checkers and word games you can play together with and such! :3

:) thank you so much for your help. it makes me feel like things are gonna be okay.

I'm glad, and yes, you'll both get through it together. Just remember, love isn't a feeling, love is an action. Passion is a feeling, and isn't an action. You don't go up to someone and say: "I PASSION YOU." But you do say: "I love you!" Meaning, love is an action, and is a choice. You choose to love your significant other, and he chooses to love you. As long as you choose to love each other no matter what, you really can get through anything. The spark you're referring to that you've lost, is passion... which can easily be reignited through flirting, and loving and sweet letters and poems. Even though he doesn't like to write them, it doesn't mean he doesn't like to read them, and it doesn't make him happy. ;)

oh man, i've had this problem before. well, how long have you two been dating? have you guys ever planned to visit each other and meet each other? (if you haven't already).