Well, something really bad happened today that I'm still really upset about... we were in walmart and my boyfriend, lets call him B started to talk about how his bad used to joke around and push him while they were walking through the aisles... well smart idea for me, I joked around with him and said, "Like this?" And elbowed him a little. It actually knocked the wind out of him and he pushed me out of balance into a trash can and said to my mom, "I don't care, that hurt!" I was shocked/hurt/scared , since that was really out of character of him. Idk what to do about this situation because I was really hurt by the way he acted, he apologized...but should I be concerned? I don't know what to do right now, since I've always pictured myself marrying him and settling down with him. I don't want to be in an abusive relationship though and I told him that. Help, please? ): Ping me

i admit that i don't fully understand what happened -- or what you are so hurt about? maybe it's the way you worded your post, i dunno.

so you were messing around and he was hurt and in retaliation, he pushed you and verbally freaked out?

tbh, i don't think there is anything to worry about. boundaries were established, i'd assume.

I'm really on the fence about this, but leaning toward that it wasn't too big of a deal.. On one hand, he DID say that he didn't like it when people did that. It might have also been a knee-jerk reaction to push back, like he might have done with the person who originally did it. Being winded hurts!

on the other hand, however. It frightens me a bit that he said 'I don't care' afterwards, that's a bit shady to me.

I'd wait it out - just on the surface, it doesn't seem exceedingly serious -, but /keep on the lookout/. Small things can escalate. Read up more on abusive relationships and watch for any signs of controlling/verbal abuse. You took a good first step in talking to him about it. Keep lines of communication open, for sure.

Well to sum it up I was trying to joke around with him and elbowed him in the chest. He got all pissed off and pushed me like three feet into a trash can in the aisle and I hit it with a thump and i almost lost balanced. And he looks at my mom and yells out, "I don't care, that really hurt!" He really pushed me far, and what he says makes me think that he doesn't care about me at all. So I kinda got psychically and emotionally hurt. Hope I worded it better.

Thanks for the advice

: Oh, so he pushed you? I misread, thought you pushed him into the trash-can. But yeah, that sounds like he was overreacting a bit to me. :/ Especially if it actually hurt you.

Is his dad a touchy subject for him? ;O

In my opinion, I wouldn't be too concerned. If he had been the one to push you first, then maybe. These kind of accidental pushes and hits happens to my boyfriend and I a lot. We're both just clumsy, I guess. c; Like said, if you're worried, wait it out, and see if there any signs of potential physical/verbal abuse, then decide what you should do from there.

Edit: I was typing before I you edited this part in. "He got all pissed off and pushed me like three feet into a trash can in the aisle and I hit it with a thump and i almost lost balanced. And he looks at my mom and yells out, "I don't care, that really hurt!" "

That's not cool. I'd talk to him about it, to see what his take on how things went, is.

No, it wasn't he was talking about how him and his dad usually pushed eachother in aisles into things and I playfully went "like this?" and pushed him...

Okay, thank you. :] My moms freaked out though because of there hadn't of been a trashcan there then I probably would have ended up even more hurt.

Wow. That can be pretty frightening for someone to do something so out of character. I would definitely be stunned too if I were you, although if this is the only instance he's lashed out physically, I wouldn't jump to assuming he's going to be abusive or that this behavior would escalate.

What is his relationship with his father like? If they didn't have a very good one, or his father abused him or hit him, it could have brought back a bad memory after he told you his father used to shove him, then you followed and did the same thing. If he's insecure about his relationship with his father or if his father used to actually hurt him, he could have just pushed you harder than he meant to as a defense mechanism or reflex or something because it brought back bad memories.

I'm not saying what he did is right- it's definitely not- but you should try asking him about it to see why it upset him so much. Nobody in a relationship should have to worry about their partner lashing out and pushing/hitting them, that's definitely not cool of him to do something like that, especially in front of your mom too :/ definitely have a long talk about it. Sure, you did playfully push him, but that's no reason to get angry, especially since you're a girl.

You elbowed him in the chest and he shoved you that far and hard? Holy crap. In my opinion yes, that's going too far. Especially having the gull to look at your mother and say he doesn't care. WTF? I push someone playfully and they go ow and I'm like, 'Oh God, I'm sorry! D:'

I'd say it is at least one sign that he has a payback streak and he'll gladly do it better.

thanks for the clarification.

i have to support what's already been stated -- especially since i feel other details of the relationship would probably give rise to a specific reply from me. i think it matters how long you've been together, if he has any siblings (and their relationships), etc.

however as i said before and to echo , it was probably a knee-jerk reaction due to shock and hurt with your elbowing.

if i have to be really blatant -- if his reaction to your pushing is something to be concerned about, likewise is the concern that you instigated the event?

: Well then I have no idea why he'd do something like what he did. I mean, did you get really hurt? Even if you didn't, shoving you that hard... If my brothers did that to their girlfriend's and any of my or their parents were around, they'd be hung, drawn and quartered. O______O And my mum would kick a guy's backside, if they did that to me.

It's kind of worrying actually. You should definitely talk to him about it. Or your mother even. :/

I talked to him about it and he apologized but I'm still iffy about it.

Thanks for your advice and the payback streak is just scary then.

I would accept his apology for now, but make it very clear that you didn't like it and it hurt you for him to do it. Like someone else said, it could have been a knee-jerk reaction, or he could have been just as surprised that you elbowed him as you were that he pushed you. These things happen every now and again in relationships, I think, haha. I'd like to think he wasn't trying to hurt you and didn't think he did when he said he didn't care.

Adding that if my boyfriend ever did that to me in front of my mom and said something like that, though, she would murder him right there in the middle of wal-mart. So at least your mom didn't get involved and fling him into the next aisle? xD

I would never dream of hurting my boyfriend but i hate things been thrown at me. He was watching tv one day i was reading in the seat across, he was pinging sweets at me and it was all a bit of a laugh until he got me right in the eye with one. I then proceeded to throw the book, which was quite heavy full force at his head, which connected.

It hurt him badly and he was like you, he said he was afraid, my mum was abused by my stepdad when i was growing up and everyone has heard the saying, monkey see, monkey do. So he said as much to me, he wasnt prepared to stay in a violent relationship.

But i can tell you, i reacted purely out of shock, it was hitting him in the head before i even realised i had thrown it. Sometimes mistakes do happen, i have been with him two years and this was 18 months ago and i havent done anything remotely similar since.

He has a bad relationship with his family and we have been going on for ten months with no sign of this behavior...it just came out've the blue.

Oh, she is pissed about the situation as it is. (my mom, that is.)

Thanks for your advice. :)

Thanks for the advice. :]

just trying to show you a different perspective, im at his angle lol, i hope everything works out ok.

: I can imagine. Mothers can be pretty darn scary when they're all protective-like. I mean, I'm scared of my mum. I'd feel sorry for anyone that REALLY annoyed her. :/

my husband likes to ''joke around'' with me in the same way you did with your boyfriend -- at least, his intentions are the same.

many years ago, i must have revealed something my mother used to say or do -- which i absolutely HAAAAAATED -- and he would take every opportunity to do it ''as a joke''.... which really pissed me off. it was rude to do it in the first place, doubly rude to mark it as ''a joke''. what kind of joke is formulated out of something you KNOW upsets the other person??? it isn't a joke. it isn't even done jokingly.

with that said, i can understand his reaction. i have reacted similarly to my husband pulling the same crap. it isn't funny to me and his comments ''it was just a joke, GOD!'' or whatever he'd used to say to excuse his behavior was completely inappropriate, dismissive and self-centered. he wasn't concerned about how his actions affected me. he was only concerned about how my reaction affected him. that's simply rude .

i'm not trying to say that i side with your boyfriend 100% -- however taking some responsibility for getting yourself into this mess would be nice. you never indicated if you apologized for your actions (which is interesting and telling) -- but i'm going to assume that you did. i just wouldn't want you to lose a decent relationship because this wounded ego is spiraling out of control.

Took the words out of my mouth. You were the one to initiate this situation. I understand that it is hard to admit that you are in the wrong in a situation that you feel hurt you more, but you need to see that it's not all his fault - he is the victim too. You said you knocked the wind out of him. If my boyfriend did that to me, I would hit him back too and not be sorry about it at first! Cause when you're hurt, even if it's an accident, you want the person that did it to you to feel pain too.

He probably didn't mean to push you so far, but I'm sure he meant to push you. Does this mean he's abusive? Hell no. He was just defending himself. What he said to your mom was most likely because he realized that she probably didn't like what he did, and he wanted to justify it to her.

Like , I'm not trying to 100% take your boyfriend's side, but you shouldn't worry that he might be abusive just because he was reacting to something you did to him first.