After my ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago, I decided to better connect with some of my friends. I was never the person to shy away from my friends when I was in a relationship, so I didn't lose any of them. It's been great to better connect with them.

I was talking to one of my friends who I've known for 3.5 years or so. I met him when I was a junior and he was coming into high school as a freshman--we were in band together. We became good friends over the years. We can talk to each other, play Xbox with each other, talk things out and give hugs, etc.

I was talking to him about a week ago. We were discussing how a boy that I haven't met in person had a crush on me (I posted it on the Issues and Advice board at the time). I was telling him how in the past, the only guys that really noticed me are ones that are either kind of creepy, only viewed me as a "back up" if their preferred one or two girls rejected him, and some other silly reasons. Then I told him that, at least, for the only people who admitted they liked me. This is when he admitted that he had a crush on me.

I was shocked, honestly. This past year, I've considered what he'd be like as a boyfriend. I kind of liked him. Of course, I was in a relationship at the time, but it didn't look promising. I knew we were friends, but I never knew that he actually liked me.

But, he proved it to me that he wasn't kidding. He was complimenting my appearance, my personality. Then he went further and told me experiences that we had in the past that he remembers clear as a day, such as the first time he and I were alone together at Taco Bell during a band event. We were literally only alone for maybe ten or fifteen minutes before our friends came and joined us--I completely forgot myself until he mentioned it to me. Then he admitted that he has had a crush on me ever since his freshman year at band camp--precisely when I first met him, actually. It's been on/off since, but he said he STILL has a crush on me.

The problem? He has a girlfriend. A girlfriend of 2-3 months; I don't remember which. At one point, a week ago, he hinted that he and her have been fighting, but I'm not sure if they've made up or not since. We've talked about the possibilities of dating already so that they're in the back of our minds. Heck, he admitted that he'd ask me out now, if he wasn't in a relationship currently.

He's told me so many nice things, from complimenting my appearance to saying corny (but what I find to be cute) things like "Your smile warms my heart." And honestly, my last boyfriend--who I've dated nearly 3.5 years--never complimented me, and he only treated me like a friend in public. He never behaved like my "boyfriend" until we were alone on a date, for a short amount of time. Due to me liking him in the past, we discovering that we both had and have a crush on each other, and us being open to each other, I feel like he could be a possibility.

However, I've stressed to him that I'm not trying to break both of them up, and he believes me. He promises me that I'm not in the way, that I'm not causing any tension. (His gf barely knows me). I talked to two of my closest friends about this situation (that I trust) and asked for advice, and both told me that I should continue to show interest.

The thing is, he's been in relationships with girls that didn't show appreciation to him. I've seen it myself. They blamed him for every fight (he can get angry easily, and he's not proud of it), didn't appreciate his compliments, and spread rumors about him to try to get people to go against him. But I've known him for a good while. I knew what was true and what was false without even needing both sides of the story. Yes, he can have anger issues. I've seen the angry side of him myself. However, I'm a patient person. I have a brother with autism, so I understand that some people just need other people who can be patient. He told me that he doesn't think he's a good boyfriend at all, but I told him that I look past flaws of a person and remember the things about that person that makes me happy. Nobody is perfect, after all. He admitted that he hasn't had a girlfriend with that kind of mindset before and that he thought what I told him was really sweet.

So...what do you guys think I should do? Should I pursue it or leave them alone? I know that ultimately, it is HIS decision. I didn't plan asking for advice about this, but at the same time, some outside opinions would be great. Oooooh, and I go home to visit the last weekend of October. The two of us plan on hanging out with each other (since we rarely hang). It'll probably be just the two of us. (In case if this bit of info matters)

@ Chidiot

First of all it sounds like you two would make a really cute couple :) However the fact that he's in a relationship currently does make it difficult, since cheating or even declaring feelings to someone else is a big no-no imo. You mentioned that you're not trying to break them up and i think that's the best course of action, but that doesn't leave you with many options. You can either continue to flirt/admit your feelings for one another behind his girlfriend's back (which is unfair to her) or keep a lid on it for now and wait for him to leave this girl, if he's as smitten with you as he seems to be. Honestly the fact that he's already apparently having problems with his girlfriend after such a short space of time, and admitting that he's had a crush on you for years, kinda signals that their relationship is going to end sooner rather than later. I'd be patient for now, just stay on a strictly friends basis for now until he's single again. That way you don't have to deal with any potential drama which implicates you in the break up.

The best course of action is always honesty. Be upfront and tell him that you like him as well, and would be willing to go out with him if he broke up with his girlfriend, though you're also okay with staying friends if he doesn't. Then just leave it to him and continue being a friend.

Exactly, you pretty much summed up the things that I was worried about. I feel a little worse about it because I went through the same thing. When I was still dating my ex, he let it slip that another girl had strong feelings for him and he had some feelings back. And it was going on for three months without me knowing about it. ._.

Anywaaaay, I'm definitely being cautious of that. We definitely have friendly conversations too, most of the time in fact. Currently, I'm just on the DL, and that kind of convo doesn't usually spring up unless if it gets built up to it; neither of us bring it up out of the blue. And it kind of surprised me, too. Just...a week or two prior to me texting him, he was telling me that him and her were really happy. So their argument just kind of sprung up, before the two of us even admitted feelings for each other.

And when we hang out, it definitely would just be on a strict friend basis. He is not one to cheat, and even if he was, I definitely wouldn't go along with it when I know that he has a gf.

Actually, I've done that recently, lol. I told him that I'd definitely be interested to date him if ever the two of them decide that they won't work out. I don't choose boys fast and easily, anyways. It's not like I'm going to move on so quickly, lol. At the same time, he knows that I support him and his gf; I've complimented them a few times.

Wow that sounds really tough, sorry you went through that :( But the way you're handling this situation sounds fine. I'd just be wary of even letting those kind of conversations build up, in case the girlfriend sees/hears anything.. it probably won't be as easy for him to make a clean break if she suspects him of cheating, even emotionally. It's good that he's an honest guy though, and that you wouldn't let him try anything whilst he's still in a relationship. At this point my only further advice would be to just not let yourself hope too much or hold out for him; from what you've described he will end up breaking up with this girl, but then again it could just be a rough patch in their relationship and he might decide to try make things work with her. I'm sure you've thought of this already, but you might need to think of ways to distance yourself a little bit emotionally until he knows what he's going to do, one way or the other.

Your advice seems very reasonable. I just currently have no other guys of interest, so I don't mind playing the waiting game and seeing how everything rolls--it's not like I'm passing up another opportunity right now. I've been planning on asking him how him and his gf have been, to show that I support them. Not to mention, it may hint to me how they're doing, lol. I'd more be asking out of curiosity, though. He usually mentions if things are better between him and his gf and I haven't heard any word of both of them.

As long as you not putting your life on hold for this guy, i think it's okay to play the waiting game and see how things turn out. Asking how him and his gf are doing is a pretty innocent way of gauging things, as well, since like you say it doesn't have to be pushy or anything, just in a casual conversation. Sounds like you've got everything quite well sorted really, so good luck with whatever happens! :)

One part reflects true on me and my current BF. WE both had instant attraction to each other but both of us were dating other people at the time. So what we did was kept things friendly and only visited in person on rare times after I was done working there. (We met at a job I had over the summer) Well over time things fell apart for both our relationships and so we started talking again and he told me he never lost interest in me. It's a tough situation I know so my advice is keep things friendly and don't shut him out but also don't be afraid to set clear lines to keep yourself from feeling like you're pulling him away from his current gal.

Well, I agree with Auteur that maybe you should just wait for him to end it with the other girl. My current boyfriend I had a crush on for a suuuuppperrr long time. Like probably middle school all through high school... mostly freshman through senior year though when I knew him more. Buuut I never really talked to him because we had no mutual friends, and then he started dating a sort of friend I had my sophomore year. It was a little awkward because I got closer to the friend and that'd cause me to be around him more and it was just weird for me cause I was like urrrrghhh I wanna date you buuuut urrrgg... I never told him I liked him, then she eventually dumped him via text message a year and a half later .. and then I was like welp she was a shit friend anyway and started talking to him more. We started to date and months in we both found out we had /both/ liked each other a lot since freshman year. Um. Idk what I'm really getting at... other than we both had crushes on each other, but didn't do anything to jeopardize the relationship he was in to express them.. and we're still happily together.. and personally I'm just glad I don't have to like.. admit that to people. It's already sometimes slightly awkward to be like "He was dating one of my friends.... then we started dating..." I would feel bad being like "I broke him and his ex up ^___^" and I feel like if there was ever some stupid fight and it came up that'd suck haha. Don't explicitly /ask/ him to break up, just let him know you would be willing to be with him if he did... and let him choose after that

Heres the way I see it, if he is in a relationship, while flirting with you, and considering breaking up with her... Whose to say he wouldnt do the same to you? Down the line what if he meets someone else while you are with him? Things like this are just bad news.

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm definitely waiting. I'm mainly waiting because I've got no other possibilities at the moment, anyway. So it's not like I'm missing out on anything. I'm glad to hear that you and your bf are working out, though! Congrats :) That's exactly how I feel though. That whole, "Shoot, we both like each other, but I definitely do NOT want to break him and his gf up to be with him!" That kind of thing. It's sucky xD

I totally understand where you're getting at. But it sounds like him and his gf are doing a little better, anyways. In other words, he's not going to break up with his gf simply to be with me. If there are other issues between the two of them, then sure, that is different.