I'm having some issues with my fiance, and I'm not entirely sure what to do here. He finally got a job, but ever since he's been just rude and grumpy when he gets home. He works full-time, and he's on his feet all day, so his feet hurt constantly, even when he gets home. His feet hurt so bad that he can hardly stand when he gets home, therefore he's really irritable and easily angered (plus he had a bit of a temper before this). I've tried to be really patient with him, because I know he works hard and there would be nothing worse than getting snappy with him after being in pain all day. So, we got him a new pair of shoes made for standing/walking all day, and we got him a special kind of pain creme, plus pain killers, but none of it seems to help. :| He's still in pain, and thus, still irritable. He can't go to the doctor, because his health insurance isn't going to take effect for another 3 months, but I don't think he can stand that pain for that long. I'm wondering if it's just his body adjusting to the new work load, or if he has some kind of foot problem? Right now I'm hoping it's something he has to get used to, because that's what his boss said, that it's normal to be in pain for the first week or so. But, I feel like that amount of pain isn't normal. I just don't know what to do now. I've done all I can think of, except taking him to the doctor, because we can't afford that at all. We already have a medical bill we can't pay off yet.

Has it been long since he started the job? It might take a while to adjust to the physical demands if he wasn't previously very active. I went to doing zero exercise to walking/standing/physical labour for 40hrs a week and it took me a couple of weeks to get fully used to it. I was also irritable when I got home :P So hopefully it'll pass for him.

As for the foot problem, it might be something wrong with his feet... it's normal for your feet to ache, but intense pain only focused in the feet (e.g. leg muscles aren't also aching as bad) then it might be a problem with his feet. Does he have flat arches or anything? Supporting insoles might help. If not, yeah, see a doctor somehow.

Have you tried going to clinics? I don't know how it is on other states but in California, especially in Los Angeles we have many free clinics where you can get a quick diagnosis free of charge from a family doctor or so. Seeing how this is a minor problem and not a full cancer scare then most clinic doctors would take only 3 minutes to assess any problems you have. Hell, you can even take him to University Medical clinics where they have interns check up patients for free.

And just like what VOLGA said, it could be an issue with his feet - especially flat arches. The first thing that came to mind was "insoles" such like what Volga said as I read your passage. My dad used to have the same problem he's still an ass but that's a different issue lol but after getting - those what? - Dr. Scholes or w/e he stopped complaining about his feet and moved onto something else.

I worked for Payless Shoesource. If you can get to one near to you, and get a kind associate, they can be very helpful about getting good work shoes for what he's doing. I recommend going on a Tues, Wed, or Thurs.

Other than that, have you TALKED to him about how his irritability is making you feel? Maybe he's projecting more than foot pain.

New jobs are always and adjustment. When I turned 20 I got a job at a local factory that required us to wear steel toes boots. It was the worst first two weeks for my feet and legs. Heavy shoes and blisters. Sooooo much walking. I can't imagine having to start that kind of job after a long period of unemployment.

Unfortunately, it looks to me like you'll have to wait and see... Hope it works out for you both! Good luck!

Um...wow. I feel really bad for him. Must be tough for both of you. I would try my best to remain patient with him even though I know his actions can be affecting you negatively. My dad's work requires lots of labor too, and he can be really grouchy when he gets home. It affects all of us and it makes my mom REALLY mad. The only thing I can suggest to you is to bring him to a local clinic, like someone else above already said, since those can be free. Try to find out if he does have something wrong with his feet. Also maybe go to a store and get some ointment that's specifically FOR the feet. My dad has some and it relieves itching and/or sores.

I wish you guys the best.

Like said, his body could just be adjusting to his new job. I know when I first started working on my feet my feet would be KILLING me when I got home from work. Now I can easily be on my feet for 10+ hours with little to no problems. If he still has problems after a few weeks I would consider seeing a doctor. Also, what kind of shoes did you buy him? I only have experience with kitchen shoes, but if buying him new shoes is something you're considering I could to link you to a few sites (some of them offer boots as well).

That being said, having a physically demanding job may be tough but thats not an excuse to be rude and grumpy to you. Have your tried talking to him about it? Alternatively, maybe he can take 15 to 30 minutes after he gets home to "wind down" by himself. Sometimes I'm cranky when I get home from work and I've found that doing this really helps both mentally and physically.

On top of what everyone else has said;

Whenever there's a chance, encourage him to do toe touches (or as close to the toes as he can) so that he feels the strain in the back of his legs. The blood will rush to the muscles and relieve a bit of the pain.

Also, a hot soak in the bath tub. For some reason, showers are the "adult" thing to do. But after standing for eight hours, I found few things feel better than filling the tub with water as hot as you can stand it and just sit there and soak in it until the water cools down to "warm." The heat will relax and unknot the muscles and ease a LOT of the pain in his legs and feet. His legs will feel like jelly afterward, but it's relief from the pain. :)

I know when I started a job that required I be on my feet for hours and hours at a time (serving) it took me a month or two to get used to it. Your legs and feet have to get used to holding up all your weight for all that time, shifting all those muscles to keep you balanced and moving, and your feet and legs tend to swell because blood gathers there the longer you stand. It's not fun. Even after you get used to it your feet still hurt miserably after a long day at work, and sitting/laying down for a while helps until you stand up again, and then it's a whole new wave of pain!

Ask him what exactly it is about his feet that hurts the most. The answer is going to be, "Everything!" most likely, but you may find that there's something you can do to help. I didn't know what I was doing wrong when after a week or two I found that standing up put me almost in tears! It wasn't until my boyfriend asked me what specifically was hurting (the arch of my feet and shins felt like someone was grabbing my nerves and yanking them viciously!) Turns out that even though I was wearing the "proper" shoes, I wasn't getting good support for my feet and I screwed up my arch pretty badly in my right foot. I had to wear a rather uncomfortable support for a week until it got better and I could get inserts for my shoes.

I wear Birkis now which don't constrict my feet and help keep them cool and prevent so much swelling.

As far as his irritability, I know how you feel. My boyfriend is in a job he hates and works 70+ super stressful hours a week. He's usually not his best when he gets home. But it's important that you talk to him about it. Yes, he works hard and it's understandable that he'll be worn out, but you have a right (I'd go so far as to say a responsibility) to communicate to him that you've noticed he's been short-tempered lately and it's affecting you. Don't make it sound like you're a victim, be clear that it's something you want to work with him to try to get him to a better place. He deserves to unwind but you both deserve to be happy together as much as possible.

Edit: Oh, and get him to try compression socks! They feel super weird at first but once you get some that fit (make sure they aren't too tight at the top, you want socks, not tourniquets) and get used to them they really do help with keeping your feet from swelling. It helps a whole lot with the pain.

He says his legs don't really hurt, it's mainly just his feet. I've talked to him about seeing a doctor, and he said he'd rather wait a couple weeks to see if the pain goes away, so he can assess whether he's just adjusting to something new or not. I'm hoping for the best.

Sorry to hear about your dad Dx I know exactly how that can be. I believe there is only one 'free' clinic in the area, and you still have to pay a fee (although it's much smaller than a regular doctors office). They usually go based off of income. I did confront him about how he was acting, and he apologized and said he'd try not lash out because of his pain. I understand why he feels that way, I just don't like being targeted because of it.

I was able to talk to him about it, and he apologized for being so angry. He's struggled with anger issues in the past, and we finally seemed to be making progress, and then some of it came back when he started being in pain. We're hoping that after a couple weeks his feet will get used to it; I'm hoping that it's nothing serious, and he just needs to adjust. We got him some pain relieving cream, but it only works for about 30 minutes before wearing off.

We did get him a new pair of shoes. They're NewBalance shoes, and I personally know nothing about shoes, but that's what the person at the store suggested. I trust that they at least know more than I do. He says that the shoes make a difference, and he's in less pain, but still enough pain that he can barely stand after work. I have talked to him, and he said he didn't even realize how grumpy he'd been and would try to tone it down. I can definitely suggest for him to take some time after work to relax, but he says that I relax him more than him being alone.

Oh, I never thought of stretching, or the bath thing. I'll suggest that to him tonight and see if that relieves any of the pain. I can imagine a hot bath would soothe achy muscles.

I definitely don't want to seem like the victim, I mean there's really no reason to be. I wouldn't want him to think that, and I approached him about it and we had a nice conversation. I appreciate that he works so hard, and I hate seeing him so upset at the end of the day. I've started rubbing his feet, and I've noticed he says most of his pain is in the heel of his foot.

Definitely! I went from no work to 40 hour work weeks, years ago, and all of them on my feet. Hot soaks were a heaven send!

When he tries the toe touches, advise him to keep his legs straight -- don't bend the knee at all-- and simply bend over with his arms and hands pointed down like he's trying to touch his toes. Actually touching the toes isn't the important part. Stretching until he feels the muscles in the back of his legs stretching tight is VERY important. It shouldn't be forced till it's painful, just stretched tight. He should feel the strain of the muscles and then what feels like a rush of something cool and liquid inside his legs. That's blood bringing oxygen to his cramps, and the pain will go down a bit. :)

Try Capsaicin. They sell it at most drug stores. :)

alright, thanks for the advice. I'll have him try that to see if it helps. :] I appreciate it.

I'll look for that next time I'm at the store~ ^^

it's already been suggested, but flat arches + lots of standing/walking = a lot of pain. i have flat feet (and i'm supposed to be wearing arched insoles to correct it, but ugh does it hurt) and i really can only go so long on my feet before they're killing me, although i find that sitting down, even for just for a minute, every so often helps.