So this is very much so a vent but I also really need advice. My husband and I have been married for 2 months, but have been together for 7 and a half years total. His mother has never liked me, no matter what I do. I've always been a shy and timid person, but still very polite and kind. She on the other hand is just two-faced and flat out rude. Tension has been building up ever since Daniel and I moved into their house to save up for the wedding. Now that we're married we're saving everything we can to get the hell out. His mother has been trying to push us out since we got here but every time we mention moving she comes back with "You cant move there, it's too expensive. Why are you trying to leave? You just never want me to see my grandchildren" stupid comments that make it seem like she wants us to stay longer. Or the comments that make it seem like we are planning on staying longer, "So I expect you to watch your brothers when we go to Vegas for a week in April" how the fuck would we do that if we moved away?? Obviously she thinks we'll be here until then. Thats just one of the problems. The one I'm most frustrated about is the fact that just because we live in her house, automatically makes it okay for her to use anything and everything even if its not hers, such as... Daniels little brother forgot his book at school and couldnt do homework, but he could use a computer for the digital book. All their computers/laptops have been broken because the entire household doesnt care and just treats everything like shit because their daddy will buy them a brand new one the next day. Back to the homework. Little brother asks if he can use my computer to do his homework (i never let anyone use it because everyone is careless) I told him "sure, hang on though i have to clean off my desk." which i guess he took it as a no and went and "told" on me to his mom, so she starts yelling from across the house "ASHLEY. HE NEEDS TO GET HIS HOMEWORK DONE. HE HAS TO USE THE COMPUTER. LET HIM USE IT" hold up bitch.. that is not the way to ask permission, no wonder your kids are such brats. I then shout back down the hall "I already told him he could use it but he walked away" which then turned into her yelling at little brother for no reason. Little brother gets homework done and all is good. Also last night they put the christmas tree up, she yells down the hall if I wanted to come help, after working all day I really didnt want to do anything so I politely rejected. Husband gets home and she pulls him aside and is yelling at him that I didnt want to help. Is it that big of a deal? The only reason its their favorite holiday is to receive gifts. Which i get it.. its always nice to get stuff, but when you demand another $50 MAC card to get more lipgloss.. fuck you. Other little brothers issue last night was the fact that the tree skirt was too small and there wasn't enough room for presents. To bad they'll have to touch the floor then.

OKAY! one more.. This has been going on since we got here. Laundry soap and dryer sheets. WTF right? its laundry soap... I have gotten used to using one brand for sensitive skin, and thats all I can use, I'll get itchy otherwise. Monster in law will buy whatever is on sale. Husband and I buy the same giant container from Sams Club (bulk store) she will use all of our soap before she uses her stock of discounted cheer or whatever it is. Bitch if you use it all you better replace it. She did actually buy us a new one.. that was just a little bit bigger than travel size, and it was also the scented one.. which i cant use. Way to go. So I took it upon myself to remove the soap completely from the laundry room so she cant use it anymore. This morning i moved the load of towels into the dryer and did my own load. i come back for the 2nd load and the towels that were in the dryer are now back in the washer being washed again.. and I know she used me soap because I lined all 3 containers up and put mine in the back before I left. mine was now in the front.. I dont really care about the soap itself, I'm more mad over her using something that isnt hers, and expecting us to replenish it so she can just do it again.

there are plenty of other little things that just add onto this duel.. but the funny thing about all of this is, she acts like nothing is wrong and we're the best of friends. until we're alone and then she just yells at me to do things and if i dont then husband gets yelled at that "shes never going to be a good wife that cooks or cleans for you. you have her trained all wrong." its always been a battle for daniels attention apparently. as soon as he leaves for work i tell him i love you and have a good day as he walks out the door and his mother calls from the living room "get buckled and be safe, I love you mijo" She always has to have the last word. OH! and the whole grandchild thing.. omg.. I'll save that for another post.

I'm sorry about this really stressful ordeal... but where is your husband in all of this? Why is he just letting his mother stomp all over you?

Good lord in heaven, what a lovely person. Shit. I'd have a hard time not whacking her upside the head and telling her to fuck off. But I assume you want to be civil about this. ^^; Is there a way you can lock up your laundry soap and whatever else she's using so she can't get to it? Maybe an underbed box with a lock on it or a lock on a closet door or a small cabinet or something. Or you could just lock the stuff in your car, assuming you have one. It sounds like she's pissed that you're 'stealing her little boy' or something stupid like that. I hate it when people are like that and just don't understand that people are capable of loving more than one person at a time. Ridiculous. Other than locking things up though, I don't really think there's anything you can do other than move out asap. Have you and your husband tried talking with her though? Just all sitting down and explaining things? She doesn't really seem like the type to listen, but you never know. Anyways, whatever you decide to do, good luck!

hes normally at work and we're just trying to avoid getting kicked out since we cant afford an apartment just yet. so just trying to brush it off and be nice but its pretty difficult. locking things up would just get his dad involved. and we dont want that.. hes the one that makes the money and when he comes home just just wants to sleep. so if mother is upset she yells at him about whats going on and then he gets pissed that hes being bugged and yells at us. its a very loud family >.> ha. the car.. so we HAD a car.. until we went down to the dealership and traded it in for a new vehicle.. which the bank jacked up the payments so we asked for our car back and they apparently sold it.. so we said screw you. you're paying off our old car and we're not keeping the new one. he didnt sign any paper work finalizing the trade. so we just dont have a car now and we have to rely on his parents like we're 15 to get us to work. and so far shes asked us twice to fill up her gas tank. we've only gotten 2 rides from her in the past 3 weeks. we both have been getting rides from coworkers. we only live 10 minutes away and no way in hell are we filling up your tank for $50. 10-15 bucks i understand.

and i feel like a bitch for trying to hoard the soap and not let anyone use it, but i feel like i have to since its being wasted. they do that with a lot of things.. like the BBQ sauce i love that my dads sends me from nebraska, she pours that shit all over everything and then eats 2 bites and then throws it away. QUIT WASTING. 7 people in the household and im the only one that is told to do the dishes. i always eat at work and i have a reusable waterbottle. none of that is mine. and there are at least 20 cups used every 2 days. i dont know where they come from.

Offer to start paying a bit of rent in exchange for having a say in what goes on? Maybe it'll stop the stealing and give you some ground in you and your husband taking her aside and letting her know that up with this shit, you will not put. If you're going to live there, you need to expect to be treated like family if she wants to see her grandchildren.

Personally, I would not let such a woman see my grandchildren if all she can do is scream at me, and the younger ones in the household.

but that IS how she treats her family. we would offer to pay but we buy groceries and gas and pay for lots of otherthings already. if we're going to pay rent we might as well move out and actually live somewhere we want. I know the solution is just to move out but without a car right now its difficult to get out again. yea we dont have any kids just yet but when we do, they will not be staying with her when they need a sitter. she baby sits a cousins baby right now and he'll be 1 in january. I have yet to see her read that child a book. all ive seen from her is putting him in the swing in front of the tv. moved him to the jumper, then to the play pin, and onto the walker. he never crawls around or is allowed to climb and stand up on anything. (like pulling himself up to walk along the couch) also he gets here at 7 AM and she takes him back to her room right away and has him take a nap with her until 11, eats, and then she goes back to bed until 1 and has the grandmother watch the baby. he has already fallen off her bed and hit his head on the dresser but she still does it every day. also she has THE WORST baby talk i've ever heard. she calls out to the dogs "Artemithin" who is actually named Artemis and she refers to the dogs as "Dogdogs" or she'll sing song "horthey horthey horthey" (horsey x3) which horsey drives me nuts as it is but then you throw a lisp on top of it??

You sure you can't afford to move out atm? I mean, if she makes you pay all the stuff, making you replace your goodies over and over again, because she is using them up.. are you really saving up so much? If you sum up everything you are paying for, still cheaper than moving out?

If not, i feel sorry for you. She is a bitch and by all means, i'd say to "fight" her. However, if you really are depending on her, you gotta suck it up. =/ If you start the fighting now, it will just get worse. If she is that kind of person, she won't change even if your husband told her off, she'll just hate you more. And i mean, it IS her household, so i would be hesitant to refuse her requests too - depending on what she is asking for. As for your soap and other articles she is using without permission.. hide them? I mean, it sounds a bit childish, but she doesn't really act very mature either. Place them under your bed, between your underwear or somewhere else. (btw, i'd tell your dad not to send anymore sauce till you moved out to be quit honest, simply because i wouldn't want her to be able to use it at all)

So.. my solution: save up as much money as possible - in the shortest, possible time. Maybe you can sell some stuff too? Or make something art-related and sell it online?

When I read your post I was a bit creeped out at how similar your mother in law is to mine! Right from the start she decided I was a threat to her and decided that she was going to do everything possible to be a third person in our relationship, with the hopes of splitting us up.

Before moving in we asked her how much she would like us to contribute to the household for the time we would be there, and she told us not to worry about it, we just had to cook one night of the week. This of course turned in to criticism of my cooking, what I had cooked and the size of my servings even.

Then she really started on me. She would say hi to our daughter and take her by the hand then slam the door in my face, she stormed in to our room one time (while we in the middle of sex) and just took his clothes to wash because I just wasn't good enough for her little boy, would take our daughter from the bedroom without even asking us. She would take my partner aside and try to arrange what he was going to do with his future behind my back. When he was at work and wouldn't be home, she would refuse to allow me anything to eat. I even caught her snooping through my private documents.

I would tell my hubby about the things she was doing and he would try to comfort me, but never actually did anything about it. Made excuses that he wasn't there to see those things happening so he couldn't very well go accusing her of them. This caused a lot of problems for us, but then I realised that I was putting him in the middle, trying to force him to do something difficult. He loved his mum but he also loved me and that was a horrible position to be in.

So I backed off. I just did my best to be reasonable towards her, and he started to see that I was making an effort and she wasn't. She ruined our daughter's first birthday party by being a bitch to me. Trying to make me look stupid, but all it did was show her true colours. At that point hubby decided for himself to distance himself from her until we were able to move out.

At that point she realised she was losing her son because of how she treated me. She was more afraid of losing her son than anything else so she had no choice but to start being nice to me, even if it was fake.

Thankfully we got enough money to get out of there and move in to our own place, in another city. I think this is just something you have to ride out, and if you have to lock things up I think that is reasonable. It's what I had to do to protect my things.

Ugh. I feel you. I was in a situation like that with my friend and her mom when I lived with them. They had said that I could stay with them while finding an apartment after I had to move out of my parent's house, and it turned into hell. She'd use my stuff without asking, expect me to cook and clean for all three of them, take care of their (20) cats, just because my cat also lived there.... It was nuts. I worked full time and was in college full time, and was out of the house from about 6am until 10 or 11 at night, and I would come home to the mother being out of the house, but having left me a ridiculous list of chores, that if I didn't finish before I went to bed and she came home, she would wake me up screaming about. When I was out for a weekend, I would come home to three times the expected workload on Sunday night. I had to keep my towels, food, shampoo, everything locked in my bedroom so she would keep her hands off of it. The entire time I was living there she made my life hell and if I didn't do exactly what she wanted, she would get in my friend's face about it and scream at her about how I didn't listen, and clearly didn't want to be part of their family. Excuse me, I'm pretty sure that paying rent to someone makes you their tenant, not their family? It was a hot mess, but she was about the same kind of bitch that you describe your mother in law as. If I were you, I would keep everything that you pay for somewhere that she can't use it. Do your best to be the bigger person, and act responsible. Maybe you can lead by example and teach her how to behave like a person, instead of a neanderthal. If you guys have money, I would just stop replacing stuff when she uses it, and save everything to get the hell out of there.

Reading all of these stories, I'm just really thankful that my mother in law is a human being.

So the soap has run out, I found less than half a cup available for my own load. we bought a new little one for ourselves and have it in our room. the next morning daniel gets a text from his dad saying "hey asshole, its $5 for every load of laundry and $15 for storage for all your shit in the garage" so we're now looking at houses available for rent. I dont want to get into another apartment because of the dogs, they needs some yard space to run around.

make sure the mum doesnt know you bought any soap and hide it in your room. and only do the washing when no ones around