Two posts in one week? I'm on a roll! /sarcasm

Anyways...I posted here a few days ago about a guy I had recently met. I was struggling with whether or not I wanted to meet him face-to-face. Well, I'm glad I'm cautious and didn't dive head first.

He texted me at an God awful hour Tuesday night, saying he was "interested" in me. I was polite, but honest. I told him I didn't know if I was ready to date again because I had only been out of a serious relationship for a few months. He asked what I was looking for, and I told him (and I quote) "I'm not really sure." He asked if we could try at least, and I told him flat out:

"I really don't know if I can give you what you want."

And he hasn't texted me since then. I'm pretty sure all he wanted as to score some. :/ How awesome.

He went from really sweet to being a douchebag in a day...And this is why I've only dated girls.

And on top of that, my ex wants to talk with me about something in private and she isn't relenting any details, so idk what to prepare myself for. :x All I know is that she want's to talk in private so no one can over hear.

God, why do I get myself into these messy situations?

From what you wrote, he said he wants to try. Try as in??? Trying a relationship? And you wrote that this is why you only date girls. Honestly, girls can also be douchebags and only in it for sex as well. It shouldn't matter what sex they are. Just sayin'

Oops, yes, try as in a relationship. I was rushing in my OP, so I apologize for any lack of info. And when I told him I didn't know I could give him what he wanted, he stopped talking to me altogether.

Yes, I know, but the girls I've met who are like that tend to be more...straight forward about it? Idk the word I'm looking for.

If he wanted a relationship and you were doubtful, doesnt mean he wanted sex. Could just mean that he may not think you are a match as well

That. If I'm interested in someone and they can't give me a straight answer on what it is they're looking for I move on. Experience has shown me they either never make up their minds or I wait forever and get the answer I didn't want.

He could has possibly taken what you said as a nicer way of saying you're not that into him/don't want to give it a chance? It doesn't really sound as if he was just trying to use you for sex.

However, I wouldn't just limit yourself to females - a lot of my female friends with girlfriends, well, their ex's, are quite insane and out of their minds. Stalking, death threats, etcetc. Has nothing to do with their gender, really.

Gender shouldn't matter. What should matter is if you've gotten over the hurt and everything from no longer being in a relationship no matter if you cut it off or they did. Maybe let this guy know you feel you can't give him what he might want because you're not over the break up yet, if he understands then at the very least he'll still chat with you and who knows might become a good friend. If he doesn't care one bit that you still need time then he just has shown he's not worth the time even on a casual friend scale.

See with my very first BF I broke things off and it took me quite a long time about 8 months to get over things but that's because he was my first BF and was with him for over 2 years. My 2nd BF just kinda vanished on me then told me he wasn't really ready for dating since I was his first GF, that stung a bit honestly but I was ok with it later on 3rd BF called it quits due to my lack of trust but yet everything else was ok... and he wouldn't talk to me about the trust issue at all and just dumped me instead and that sucked because to me it was out of the blue so that hurt took time to get over 4th BF well we have yet to even have an argument about anything big or small yet lol I told him I'm worried of messing things up to which he told me I have nothing to worry about so I take it as a good sign XD I mean my track record with guys hasn't been all roses so I do have doubts and whatnot thanks to the past BFs about if I'm doing things ok and what not but if my guy says I don't have a thing to worry about I'll trust in that more than my mind possibly sabotaging things with self doubt

So yeah just figure out if you need more time to become you again and let the guy know at the very least whats going on.

As for your ex? Well I'd say steer clear of her for awhile the only way to heal fully and maybe be just friends with her in the future is it put some space between you two for now. It might be hard to do but it will be for the best for you to get over things and feel better about yourself. My last ex wouldn't leave me alone as he still wanted a fuck buddy but I kept putting him off and ignoring him and you know what? I can't stand him anymore he'll txt me every so often about how he got this or that pierced or how he's growing his goatee back or whatever under the guise that he's seeing how I am and keeps telling me I'm welcome to go back to him if things go bad with me and my guy ect ect so I just tell him how sexy I find my current guy and such and it shuts the ex up for a few weeks lol it also proves how shallow of a friend he is to me. If he was a good friend at all he'd be glad I can be so happy in life but since he tries to play pity games and tries to get me to doubt my BF yeah no all I have to say to him is : I can see through your bullshit fuck off!

Honestly, your writing that you only date girls because guys can be douchebags made me laugh, because while I prefer women physically and used to categorize myself as a lesbian, I find myself dating males more often due to personality, because a lot of women are bitches, high-maintenance, or just all-around not someone I want to spend my life with. Guys can be douchebags, girls can be assholes, it goes both ways.

As for the call, it's possible he's just giving you space. If you said you didn't know if you were ready for things, he might think that talking to you some more or talking about it some more might come off as being pushy - don't just assume things you don't know the facts about. You only know what you're seeing... there are plenty of other explanations. I'm not saying it isn't that he was looking for some tail, but at the same time, I'm not condoning the automatic "He's an asshole because he didn't call me, after I just told him I wasn't interested"... to me, it seems pretty logical that someone would back off for a while after being turned down like that. It can be a pretty painful burn, among other things. Give people some credit, not everyone is just looking out for sex.

The timing seems off, but it's also possible that the guy isn't currently in your timezone, which would make the timing completely logical, if he weren't thinking straight or were unaware. I just know I've met some guys who've come off as assholes, but if you give them a shot, they're really awesome. And yes, some males require more physical attention than other males (or females), and they may view as sex a way to begin a relationship, but that doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. I know several people who've met their partners through hook-ups and it evolved from there. Physical chemistry is just one way to start measuring compatibility, and it may seem shallow to those of us on the outside, but for those on the inside, it's how they interact and find a partner... it's a basic animal action, really. I think too many humans forget that we, too, are animals and have basic instinctual patterns. I know one of the most common ways to be friendly/start conversation/etc is to flirt, whether you mean anything by it or not. It's just how our society is...

I wish you luck in these situations, I just also hope you'll look at what you said and maybe try and look at the scenarios differently...

That's really all I have to say for now, except that you should be careful about talking to your ex. Usually semi-crowded gathering places are the best places for a meet-up. Just make sure no one's around who knows you or whatnot, and maybe have a friend ready to pick you up afterward... going into a situation like that with no outside support is, for lack of a better word, stupid. And meeting up in private when you're exes is just begging for trouble, in some ways. I say this from experience.

Again - good luck.

-ZoE-

This is actually an old subject. :P

After this, I found out that I was "the other woman" through a lovely call from his fiancée cussing me out a few days later. So I don't feel too bad about assuming things with that guy.