My gf and I agreed to not do anything this year for vday. Long story short, I got her flowers and candy because I had some extra money. She told me today that she will not accept the candy because she did not get me anything. She told me to keep it because she didn't want it. I feel really hurt and pissed because while we agreed, to me it doesn't matter if she can reciprocate or not. I feel like she blew off my feelings and that I wasted money on her. Am I overreacting or is my anger and hurt justified?

I think both of you are being sort of rude. You both agreed not to get anything, but you went ahead and did so anyways knowing that it would probably make her feel guilty. On the other hand, you already bought it so I think she might as well accept it. Next time if you make an agreement like this I would either stick to it, or ask before getting anything to avoid something like this happening again.

Well normally she says the same thing. It was already agreed upon that if we do do something, it would be fine if the other doesnt reciprocate. Thank you though for the response.

Why bother agreeing not to get each other anything to begin with, then? Why not just say 'well maybe we'll give each other something if we have enough money by then' instead of promising you won't and then going back on it? I think it's an overreaction. You should either keep your agreements or not make them in the first place.

I think that your gesture should've been appreciated regardless of whether you'd made an "agreement", and I definitely think refusing a gift is more rude than buying someone one even though you weren't "meant" to. That said, i think her actions are also understandable. If she can't bear the thought of accepting something she can't reciprocate, then obviously it's an uncomfortable situation for her. Just try and get through to her that you were trying to make her happy, not feel guilty, and for your part maybe accept that she sees these agreements as more cast-iron than you do.

It sounds like you're at fault here Maybe it was meant to be a nice surprise, but doing that after you explicitly said you weren't would make most people feel guilty (and generally shitty because they didn't get you anything). It sounds like she was making a point, and I don't really think you should be angry about it.

Thank you all for the insight

My fiance and I take turns each year. This year was my year so I took him out and bought him stuff. Suggest that to her. That way you both aren't going out to buy things or anything like that. It works better for us. Maybe it will work for you? Best wishes :)

, thanks, I may try that. It is hard because we are poly and she usually/if not always goes out with her bf...so it mau be hard, but maybe I'll try that

I thought it was sweet of you to still get her something. It shows you had her on your mind. I think she should have just accepted it and thanked you even if she couldn't reciprocate it. Now, if you bought her something more expensive, I think it may have presented a bigger problem because she probably would have felt guilty. If this is the least of your issues, you both should be happy :)