ok im going to make a long story short for everyones sake. ill just list the importnt details.

1.one of my best friends (a guy) has been into me snce day one. but he knows we will always just be friends.

2.I made this other friend (a girl) who is also one of his friends, but she is really into him, but he tells her he doesnt want anyone but me.

3.she is a good friend but always asks me details about HIM, and details about personal stuff between me and him (yea we had a drunken phone sex thing a looong time ago).

4.if i lie to her she will-be hurt that i lied./ if i tell her-she will be mad to know the truth/if i avoid answering-she will assume the worst and be even more mad at me

5.i have tried telling her that i dont want to talk about this stuff, but she insists on it and she is a good friend, which i do have a few of them so i wouldnt DIE if i lost her as a friend, BUT i would hate for it to be over something like this.

SO what would you do?

If it was me, I'd just tell her to ask him the questions. thats What I do anyway though

shes a verrrry shy person she would never ask him. he didnt even know she liked him till i told him. i wanted to see if he was into her. but no.

I can see why she's coming to you then. Now I wouldn't be so rude XD

yea i feel bad cause she likes him so much. and truthfully id rather her not ask him cause hes the type if you as if you look ok, and you dont, he will tell you no you look like crap go change. LOL.

He sounds pretty straight forward then XD I'd just tell her you dont feel comfortable talking about it. It may/not work, but it saves you from having to answer questions about him.

it's not fair of her to ask you personal questions about someone else. It's an uncomfortable situation, because of course you wanna be there for your friend but...he is your friend too! You have to respect his privacy just as she would expect you to protect hers. Put it to her this way, if another person was asking questions about her, would she want you to tell them everything? Yeah, she might be shy...but maybe there's another way! You could try to hang out with both of them together and get them to talk...that could work

Pretty much what said. Just tell her you really don't want to talk about that stuff because you're a really private person and reassure her that that has nothing to do with her; you wouldn't really talk about that with anyone. If she really is a good friend, she should be able to respect your (very reasonable) boundaries.

And I recommend you have a talk with this guy friend and tell him that you know he likes you like that but you're not interested and don't think you ever will be (much more nicely than that, of course). Say that his infatuation with you isn't going to go anywhere and that he's really missing out on getting to know other people (again, much more politely).

that is a good point to get across. she definatly would not like me to do that. they do talk, they are friends but one of the big problems, and one that i think might ruin all of our friendships, even mine with HIM, is that when he gets drunk he calls me, at all hours, but sometimes i dont answer, so he will call her and cry to her about it and tell her how me and him are meant to be together, so i KNOW if all three of us were to hang out, it would end in disaster. she is very far from his type :p

he knows all that. im MARRIED lol. but he knows me on all levels and to him thats what he wants in a person so hed rather be a friend than nothing at all. i can handle that, i can handle him calling drunk and crying, its just when im put in the middle of it because my 'girl'friend wants him and cant have him.

ahh that's an uncomfortable situation! I think he just needs to get used to the idea that he can't have you >.< He's not going to see anyone else until he realizes that.

lol hes my friend and ive told him the same thing im a bout to tell you. even if he got a girlfriend, he couldnt keep her, he drinks, pops pills when he drinks, is rude but honest, and loves to play the victim :p but, i understand him and why he does what he does. not many people do, which is why even though sometimes hes an asshole i stay his friend.

Having been in that EXACT situation before(urgh) I'll tell you the worst thing you can do is continue to pass information like that. It always ends with both parties being mad for different reasons with you, and it's just not a smart thing to do. It's all very "high school" and as such will sooner or later dissolve into needless drama.

Tell her you don't feel comfortable talking about details of personal things like that when it involves another party. Ask her to respect your privacy and space. Put it too her as gently as possible that she really needs to get to know him better if she wants to be "in the know" about him. Who knows, maybe her coming out of her shell and actually being forward with him about her attraction may end up with them together and then everybody's happy.

oh see though the things she asks me about him she wouldnt even know if she got to know him (as a friend) she asks like, if ive ever seen his woo hoooo, or how many poeple hes been with, or stuff like that.

Those questions are really inappropriate to be asking a third party. She really needs to recognize that fact, the sooner the better.

Especially the questions about his sexual partners or organs. If he wants to share that with her, then that would be fine, but going to a different person for those things is very immature. It also might just make him angry with you for sharing those things, he may not want her to know them.

Like I said I was in the same situation and my guy friend(a very open person with me) became very upset I was spilling such intimate details with my girl friend. And of course since I promised him I wouldn't anymore, the girl got very upset with me the topic suddenly off limits and that I had told him what she had been asking me.

It was a major mess, you need to nip this situation in the bud before it can turn into that.

that made me lol in rl, "Especially the questions about his sexual partners or organs." :p but yeah im so glad others see the potential hazards here that i thought of too. she gets upset so easily though, how can i tell her i wont talk about this with her without upsetting her. well...i guess though, if i have to choose who id rather upset it would be her. ive only known her for maybe 6 months, hes been my friend for over a year and is there for me when i need him... :/

Honestly, it's none of her business what happened between you and that guy. Plain and simple.

This girl has to get over him. It's beyond me why she would ever ask you if you've seen his junk or know who he's hooked up with; again, that's none of her business, she shouldn't be going behind his back and asking you stuff about him. It seems like she really does like this guy, so she's probably just desperate to know as much about him as possible in order to feel closer to him.

You should just tell her that the things that happened between you and this guy are private- and just make it clear that you and him are JUST friends and ONLY friends so she should just drop it. If she doesn't stop after that, I would just ignore her questions or change the subject. If that doesn't work, I would have a serious talk with her about how much it bothers you. If that doesn't even work, it doesn't seem like she's that much of a good friend to begin with then.

If I were you, I would just ignore her the next time she brings it up. If you're hanging out somewhere, leave, if you're on the phone, hang up, if you're IMing, log off, etc. She needs to get it through her head that it isn't okay for her to ask you these things. Sometimes you just have to cut contact, like you said yourself, it's not like you'd be completely lost without this girl in your life. Sometimes it's not worth it to hang onto a friendship if the other person doesn't treat your wishes with respect.

I was best friends with a girl who would always ask me things about my boyfriend (I'm assuming because she liked him, since she tried to break us up many times, I finally cut her out of my life) and I would just have to be firm and tell her that it's none of her business, and if it were her business, she would already know those things. Although it is sad losing any friend, I don't regret getting rid of that girl from my life.

@ MetalHead

She gets upset easily you say, but she certainly doesn't seem to think much about what would upset other people. I find it hard to believe the thoughts that either you might not be comfortable sharing with her or that he might not want those particulars to be shared haven't crossed her mind.

She if she gets upset when you set up boundaries due to being uncomfortable, then she's not very considerate or YOUR feelings even though you seem to care about hers.

EDIT: Typo!

you both are amazing. and i will brb cuz my babies crib just fell apart withher in it!!!!