Hey there, I'm here to seek some help from a more trustworthy community of people since I was going to post a topic on deviantart but people can be downright cruel at times so I changed my mind and came here.

Over the last 3 years I gained around 20lbs and for that time I have managed to keep the weight within a 4lb range (146-150) but I cannot get it to go lower. I always look at myself in the mirror and I get very upset with the way my body looks...I cry over it. I hate going to the mall or anywhere with lots of people because I end up getting intimidated by other girls who look better than I do. My boyfriend tells me not to worry, and that I look good enough for him but I just don't see it, and I never believe him. I've never had luck with men, so I'm very scared my looks may drive him away. I'm not a very big person, only standing at 5'2" tall, and I have a small figure. I swam a lot in my life so my thighs have always been thick, not a lot to worry about but there's still signs that I put on weight. I have tried everything, I switched to drinking strictly water since August, with occasional drinks of milk, coffee, and juices for a treat. I even tried cutting back on eating habits, watching what I take in and doing moderate exercising in my room since it's snowy outside and too cold for anything extreme. The last 3-4 days I have been writing down what I eat and the calories they contain, trying not to go over a 1200 calorie cap. The exercise I do probably only burns 100-200 calories if that, I'm not sure. I need help and advice on how I can finally successfully get those numbers on the scale to go down, and give my self-esteem a good kick in the pants. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend gets tired of me seeing myself as nothing amazing, but I always feel that a guy, no matter who he is, does want a gal who looks some-what decent. I'm 20 years old and have a face like a 14 year old, which I cannot stand. Something has to change and I need help badly. If someone can, I'll appreciate it so much.

Thank you.

Well keep at it for sure, as you've only been counting calories for a few days. Do you think your intake previously was going over the 1200 cap? If so, maybe you'll see results just from the cap.

As for exercise, try to do more intensive exercise or just what you already do over a longer period. You don't need to go to a gym, just use the space you have in your house. Like going up and down stairs continuously, carrying heavy loads. Do squats and star jumps. Or even just put on music and dance very intensively for an hour or as long as you can. Maybe get a skipping rope - they burn calories fast. If you like games, electronics and gadgets then they'll be useful too, like wearable fitness trackers or exercise/dance games.

First of all, don't base your worth on what you look like/weigh! And any guy who thinks it is is a jerk and you shouldn't bother with him. Still I understand that being a healthy, comfortable weight is important. My biggest, most important advice is to eat "clean.' Don't worry so much about quantity right now. Focus on the quality of what you put in your body. Real, whole foods with minimal additives are best. Cut out processed sugar as much as possible. Fruit and a little bit of honey or pure maple syrup, or sweeteners like pure stevia extract, can satisfy your sweet tooth. I would advise going vegan (for more reasons than just weight loss) but at least try to cut back on the animal products you consume. Almond milk is a great substitute for dairy. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're not. Throughout the day just try to MOVE frequently.

I agree with - move around as much as you can. As soon as you feel completely worn out.. keep going for at least a half hour. Not only does it burn calories, but your body gets fitter, you achieve more muscles and you burn more calories over the day. Also, if your body gets used to it it gets easier to exercise, but i guess you already knew that from your swimming time.

Aand.. keep doing what you do. You won't be seeing results straight away, but you gotta stick to it and the pounds will drop slowly. It might help if you cook as much as you can (no processed food if possible) and stuff yourself with raw vegetables to fill you up. With raw i mean lettuce, ball pepper, tomatoes, cucumber and so on. They are easy to prepare and pretty tasty. And if you add a good bunch of it to your meals, instead of some fries for example, you save a lot of calories. Also, i find it easier to cut out all kind of drinks except for water. If i want to treat myself, i'm eating some sweets for example. Especially milk is very high in calories, so i stick to water.

However, i do not agree with in regards to going vegan/vegetarian. When i cut down my income of meat for a few weeks, i achieved a massive hairloss. Went to my doc, asked whats happening and his first reaction "Are you vegetarian?". I guess it works for some people, it didn't work for me. And if i have to take extra vitamins and stuff, the diet can't be as healthy as it sounds. AND i know plenty examples (close friends) of vegetarians and vegans who, by no means, are normal sized. Its pretty easy to gain weight with a vegetarian/vegan diet. So you really gotta keep an eye on what exactly you are eating. xD

I personally am cutting out certain types of food and i do not go for any kind of specific diets. I make sure to always check the calories of the products i'm buying, no matter if there is a huge "LOW FAT" label on it.

What i'm trying to avoid as much as i can are:

• sweets, candy, nuts, salty snacks
• all drinks except for water
• mayonnaise
• already processed food
• big portions of carbs during regular meals
• white flour products(white bread for example)

However, whatever you do, you gotta stick to it. Thats the magic key, do not stop doing your routine. xD

You know what I lost weight with? Vegan lifestyle. I'm not currently vegan but still cook with some healthy ideas... cheese and milk were too hard to let go. I do know as soon as I cut dairy/meat out of my diet I lost 7 pounds in two weeks... Just a thought. Not for everyone, and if you do choose the life of being vegan, do it healthily and read up on it. I suggest "Diet For a Small Planet".

I've been trying something the last 3-4 days. I write down everything I eat and try not to exceed 1200 calories in a day. I drink only water unless I want a glass of chocolate milk, but yesterday I tried really stepping up my exercise and I did 650 crunches/sit-ups, 50 knee-bends, 60 second planks, and some push-ups. Today I did the same amount, with some arm weight exercises too, it really makes me tired which is good. But I still don't think I'm doing enough, I want to look beautiful, but I never really have my entire life, no guy ever really liked me...I'm just not good enough for any guy, and I'm ashamed of myself. :'(

Thats quit a lot of exercise!! Maybe even a bit too much? If you are overdoing it and exercise that heavily - or even more - it might tire you out emotionally too. You'll have to focus on such an intensive workout and you gotta keep in mind.. you have to stick with it each, single day. And if you are physically and emotionally done after a few days, you are much more likely to give up on it again or skipping days or finding excuses to treat yourself.

I'm doing much less, just a half hour of intense training on an elliptical trainer and are "just" monitoring the amount of calories i eat, and i lost almost 25lbs in 8 or 9 months. And its not like human bodies function completely differently - so if you stick to your routine and don't stray back to bad eating habits, you should loose weight on the long term.

However, you shouldn't feel ashamed. Lets be honest, most people ain't "good" enough - by their own standards. I'm not telling you "you gotta love yourself", because if you feel ugly.. you feel ugly. Most people ain't happy with their looks and thats nothing shameful. Its your body, its your taste and your choice - so if you dislike, you need to work on it. But you have to keep in mind that different people enjoy different things. And your current boyfriend seem to like what he sees, so you should put some trust in him. Guys not liking you before might have been because of different reasons. Thinking your appearance has to be reason for it is easy - but that might not always be the case.

- Yeah I guess you're right. Well I actually like the routine, it's easy enough and if my body gets too use to it I can just add on another 100 crunches or whatever to make it harder for my body to re-adjust for a while. I really want to get the weight off, and so far I think it's working. I went on the scale this morning after waking up and it said 145.8lbs so I finally broke 145 after almost 2 years! If I keep doing this, I'll lose 1-2lbs a week until spring then I can get into bike riding and walking/jogging again and lose that even faster, maybe aim for 2-3lbs a week. I'm committed to this, so I believe it'll work. It's starting to already so I think I'm on the right track.

my biggest advice is to start eating healthy. you don't need to limit your calories, you need to pick the right things to eat. try to ditch dairy and processed foods. salad is great, especially with avocado. choose healthier alternatives like grilled instead of fried, vinaigrette instead of ranch dressing. i would suggest veganism like other people, or a vegetarian diet, or even just limiting your meat intake and watching what meats you do eat. you also have to stick with it and not indulge yourself too often -- and when you do, try to pick "healthier" treats, like regular milk over chocolate or putting cheese on a salad. also google tips for losing weight and try some of those, i know there's a lot of good advice out there that we haven't talked about.

another thing u can work on is body image itself -- remember that you have to put out effort to find a guy, too, and that you might just not have had the right time and place quite yet. you have a lot of your life left to find someone right for you, and you should learn to love yourself before you can try to love somebody else. hope i helped, and good luck!

I get so upset though...I look at myself in the mirror a lot and that's all it takes for me to get upset. I always think "my bf won't like this..." and I just break down. I'll be hard on myself until I start seeing major results. I'll risk tearing muscles if I have to just to make myself look nicer. I hate myself how I am, and I have to change it or I never will.

Whooza.. calm down a little. You are working on your problem, you are aware of your goal and your plans. Just stick to them and stop thinking about your weight for a moment. Getting mad at yourself won't speed up the process. You will not be able to change your appearance as quickly as you wish. "Tearing muscles" as you described, will not bring your wished results. Trust me, it does not work that way. You have to stay calm and use your head if you want a permanent change in your life.

If you are that pressured by your looks, you might want to treat your body a little different sometimes? You know, get a new hair cut, some new clothes, put some new makeup on and stuff like that. Even a new perfume can give you a better feeling.

I understand that feeling of hating yourself because of outer appearance - but thats not everything. Your physical and mental health is just as important and if you are neglecting either of it, you feel much worse in the end and you might even risk your relationship like that. Being that "over-determined" changes people and if your bf likes you as the person you are right now, he might not be overly happy with a sports and dieting addicted girl you might turn into.

First of all, congratulations on making this effort. Losing weight can be really hard, but it's also hard for some people to admit they need to lose it!

That said, I think you should be careful about your attitude towards this project. If you start this project obsessing over every flaw, it can degenerate into binging/purging and other unhealthy behaviors. If you mess up, you need to forgive yourself and do better next time, not berate yourself.

Being overweight from fat isn't healthy, but neither is tearing a muscle-- and if you tear a muscle, it will make it harder for you to stay fit now and in the future. You should look towards something that is sustainable in the long term. Weight lost too quickly tends to come back quickly, too. I understand the desire for a rapid solution, but you should be careful about this so that you don't put too much stress on your body. Maybe your doctor can tell you how many calories you should be consuming... You are short, but most women require significantly more than 1200 to maintain their weight, so if you're too far below what you should be eating you risk slowing down your metabolism.

And another thing to keep in mind, which relates to the "berating yourself" comment: just be sure you do get exercise every day, even if it's not as much as you would like. It's tempting to say you'll make it up another day, but it's better to maintain a regular routine.

Good luck! :)