I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those un-supportive, nagging, don't talk to these people, short-leash girlfriends but this might sound a bit like that.

TLDR: My boyfriend has one friend who is flaky, unreliable and a party-pooper and he makes my boyfriend feel guilty or worried all the time. I was told not to get involved but it's frustrating seeing him so stressed out all the time.

The long version: (I changed names and places for internet reasons)

In the beginning: My boyfriend who we'll call Dan had a friend called Mitch. They went to university together and were in the Olympic cycling program together and were inseparable-ish. Dan had bout of really serious depression which he didn't see anyone for and almost killed himself. Mitch realised what was happening stopped him and now Dan feels he owes his entire life to Mitch no matter what.

Skip ahead 2 years: Mitch has graduated and is dating Katie (one of the girl cyclists). Dan has a year to go on his degree and is dating me and were best couple-friends like that sit-com you watched that one time late at night. And Katie is the only one who is still trying for the Olympics.

Then Katie dumps Mitch because she's never in the country and he keeps lying to her and relationships are stressful etc. Everyone who knew both of them is caught in a war zone. Talking to either of them could set off an explosion and putting them in the same room is a recipe for chaos. So we learned to invite them to different things until they were both over it. Katie is now over it and remains my best friend.

Mitch is the most unreliable person I have ever met. He will rsvp he's coming to something and then I find out from someone else who arrived on time that he's going to the hockey game instead and "oh I told him to tell you he must have forgotten." Now I move into a bit of speculation but he also seems to develop and loose addictions at an alarming rate. Not to trivialize but I don't think you can get over your alcohol, pot, gambling addiction in about a week or two. He gets all his friends really worried about him and because he has a degree in nursing and knows all the symptoms so he can just make a tiny problem into something enormous. And he still can't be in the same room as Katie without a) getting sulky and ruining the evening for everyone b) leaving abruptly or c) making an idiot of himself trying to be the center of attention. Then this week we find out he's buying a house with the British girl he started dating in June. Yes this June, last month. He doesn't even have a job and he's buying a house!

Fast forward to tonight: Tomorrow me and Katie are hosting a murder mystery dinner party. We wrote up characters and made decorations and sent out invitations a week ago. We decided against inviting Mitch since it would probably be weird for him and his new girlfriend and he hardly ever showed up to things anyway. Then at 1 in the morning Dan gets a text that says "Hey I hear you guys are having a Mystery party I guess me and my girlfriend won't be getting an invite." keep in mind we usually go to bed at 10-11ish and I work 9-5 6 days a week. So he sleepily responds "Shinteki and Katie planned it they thought it might be weird for you" (I'm angry already by this point because I was under the impression it was rude to text after my bedtime, and try to guilt a host into inviting you to something so passive aggressively and because I know it puts Dan in the middle again) to which he responds "right...." and then ten minutes later "well it's weird now because you didn't tell me"

What was I supposed to do text him and say "sorry we're having a party this Sunday because you're a flake and I've only met your girlfriend once you can't come?" I don't know. I'm probably over reacting slightly but Dan has to put up with so much from him from his sulking and ranting to his bad decisions and "addictions." It's now 2 in the morning almost 3 and I'm still to mad to sleep. It's not fair that, because Dan is under the impression he still owes his life to this guy, he should have to put up with all his problems, all the time, for the rest of his life.

I just don't know what to do about it. I was told to leave well enough alone but it's keeping me up at night now. Tomorrow Dan will probably send him a polite little apology for excluding him and remind him what time we go to bed at and that will be it... and in a week or two something else will happen. Maybe he and the British girl will break up, maybe a Realtor will tell him you can't buy a house without a job and good credit or maybe he'll wind up in the same pub as Katie and it'll be back to Dan stressing about Mitchs problems.

I'm not used to posting problems but all the IRL opinions are highly biased. Hopefully someone here has an idea.

I have to admit I'm siding with you entirely on this one. There really isn't a contest. I'm very glad that Mitch saved Dan's life, but at this point he's taking it away from him again. In the end it seems that Mitch seems to be a toxic person for both you and your boyfriend, and it would be best for the both of you to slowly cut him out of your lives. Call and text him a little less, invite him to things a little less often, and just let him fade out of your lives. He isnt doing any good for any of you, and at this point, you really shouldn't keep him as a part of it any longer.

If you really wanted to try and keep him in your lives, you might want to have some kind of conversation with him about how you feel. I know that doesnt sound appealing, and honestly, I really don't think you should be trying to keep him in your lives.

So this is just my opinion on the subject, and I hope you get a more opinions ont he subject to help you decide on your course of action. In the end, you should do what feels right, and what you think is best. Maybe talk to your boyfriend seriously about it. Best of luck!

I think the important thing to ask here is: Is Dan still friends with Mitch purely out of guilt or does he actually enjoy hanging out with him?

Putting up with someone just because you feel like you owe them is a tricky situation to get out of, specially for those people who have a really hard time saying "no", which seems to be the case with Dan. Ultimately, if he's tired of Mitch being a part of his live, the only thing you can do is to encourage Dan, like Finesse said, to cut him out of his life. However, if Dan wants to keep Mitch around, that conversation might be in order.

Personally I don't think you should be the one taking care of things, but you should encourage Dan as much as possible. Don't pressure him, though, or he might snap back at you for making him feel weak. He will man up on his own when he gets to the point of frustration that you're in.

I do think Dan, subconsciously, feels more in debt than he could ever admit. And a friendship shouldn't be based on such feelings.

Shin, you are the one who needs to man up and tell Dan how you feel! Tell him how you think Mitch is really a downside in the life of both of you. But it's easier for me to say that, I am not you and can't look at it... I do wish you the best of luck tho.

Well they've had a minor argument and have decided to do the "mature thing" and not talk to each other until one of them apologizes so I guess that's that.

First off, Mitch is clearly not over Katie. I dunno how long it's been, but he's not over her. The British girl is a rebound, and I'm pretty sure he just wants to make Katie jealous so he's moving as quickly as possible with her. "Look, I got a house! With a girl who isn't you!"

Second, think of this from Mitch's point of view. He just lost his girlfriend. I don't know how serious the relationship was, but regardless he's not over her yet. Not only has he lost his girlfriend, but he lost his 2 other friends -- you and Dan. You said yourself that you guys were "sit-com" level friends, and now that's another relationship that he doesn't have.

And to that the fact that Katie gets to keep it. Katie, the girl that he still isn't over, gets to keep "her place" while he does not. Mitch basically got kicked out of his life, with regards to the relationships at hand at least.

Of course he's going to act shitty. I don't believe that it excuses him, or absolves him of anything, but just try to see that first. It seems like his life has fallen apart.

No girlfriend, no super tight friend group, no cycling. And Katie gets to keep it. I guarantee that's how he sees his life right now. Chances are that Mitch is currently in the position that Dan was in some years ago -- pretty damn depressed, and he also seems to be the bad guy wherever he goes. It sounds like he's brought it upon himself, but I'm just really trying to drive home the point that there seems to be a reason that Mitch is being a shitty person.

Anyway, I think Dan needs to talk with Mitch. Have a guys night with drinks involved or something. Mitch is in the midst of making terrible life decisions (buying a fucking house with some girl he barely knows, while he doesn't have a job) and someone needs to bring him to reality. I think he's just trying to fill voids in his life/heart and he has poor impulse control. Either that, or he is very, very messed up right now and just wants the bad feels to be gone.

I dunno. Perhaps I've read the situation entirely incorrectly, which is easily possible because it's impossible to know all of the details through text. I do think that Mitch needs to be helped though. Dan needs to return the favor, if Mitch isn't already "too far gone"

I agree they need to talk about it; and that Mitch still isn't over Katie but it's been more than a year now. And he's started getting annoyed with the system of invite Katie to one thing then him to the next and back and forth because he thinks he's getting left out of the fun events which is more or less true since they're fun because he isn't there being grumpy.