Hey. So my boyfriend has known about me for some time now but.. he doesn't quite understand the whole concept of an eating disorder. Like what goes on, why it happens, why I feel the things I do, etc etc etc. He wants to help me and such and we both feel like it would be better if he understood what an ED is and stuff. I've found some articles that would be decent for him to read. But I'd like to get some more insight from others who have a ED, have dealt with others with an ED, or just have knowledge from past experiences, studies, what have you.

I'd really like some advice for him and also explanations from other perspectives. What ever you have to offer.

You don't have to post here and you can be as vague or as detailed as you feel comfortable. If anything please sMail me if your more comfortable with that. If not that I will happily talk to you through email or Skype. Just sMail me.

I'm not here to pass judgement nor am I inviting it for others. I'm not here asking you to pity me either since its painfully obvious I suffer from an ED . My reasons for this post Have been talked about above. Thank you for reading. C:

Ive seen some documentaries on ED, and shows like intervention

I have thrown up before because i have felt guilty about what ive eaten, but i dont do this often, and im largely overweight, so if anything, im on the "i eat too much" side of an ED (if there is that side? :/)

But nonetheless, i wouldnt mind reading what you have, or hope you get somebody who has a bit more knowledge of the subject then i do

I had a friend in the past who would refuse to eat because she wanted a gap between her thighs, she didn't want them to touch. Her figure was already very small and her frame made it impossible for her thighs NOT to touch (because her legs were so close together) but she refused to listen to that and continued to not eat. She was around 5'4 and 110 pounds and she said she wanted to be 90 before she ate again. She lived far away from me so I can't validate this but she said that all the girls in her school were 90-100 pounds and she just wanted to fit in.

I think one of the most important things is that people need to understand EDs aren't always about wanting to be thin. They definitely can be, but that isn't always 100% of the reason. Sometimes it stems from a feeling of being out of control or the irrational feeling of feeling accomplished when you cut out certain foods or say no to food, etc. It's not always the media's fault or "oh my god my friend is so skinny I want to be just like her!", a lot of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but yourself so make sure your BF knows not to feel guilty or like it's anything he has caused or could have prevented.

I'm not going to say that I've had an ED because I know it's dangerous to self-diagnose and I have never been professionally treated for anything I have gone through, but I have gone through long phases where I struggled against myself and had problems getting myself to eat... for me it was when I began using a food tracker and I became obsessed with the numbers. I don't weigh myself, so the number on the scale never bothered me and it wasn't always even about wanting to be skinny, but seeing the calorie counter go over 1000 made me panic and feel like I had lost control and eaten far, far too much. Then from 1000 to 800, down to 700 and so on. Only when my BF saw my food log online did I realize there was something horribly wrong and he worked with me to stop using it.

To this day I don't generally like the feeling of being too full and I'm much, MUCH healthier than I used to be, but no matter how much "better" you are sometimes the bad thoughts can still resurface. So even if you do recover and make progress, always let your boyfriend know that you are trying, but sometimes bad situations do pop up and they can cause a real challenge and he needs to be there for you through them. I'm at the point where I can eat larger meals and not always feel guilty afterwards, but sometimes if someone says/does something triggering while I'm eating or planning on eating it will make my brain instantly just think "STOP" and I'll get that feeling in my stomach again where I feel like I need to stop eating. You can be recovered and still have bad days. The other day I went out for BBQ and churros and was perfectly fine, but the day before that went out with friends and ate fruit and a small salad and felt horrible. Each day is different because there are so many variables in each situation.

Also, sometimes people think if they compliment you, tell you you're skinny, etc. then they'll make you feel better. So perhaps it's important for your BF to know that his support/encouragement is well-appreciated, but he shouldn't expect to cure you, but instead he should be a strong support for you when things are tough. Sometimes people are also under the misconception that if you have an ED, then you apply your perception of yourself onto them and think that if they aren't thinner than you, then you must think they are a failure as well... it's really silly that people make another person's issues about them, but there's always friends that give me the whole "if you think you're fat, I must be a whale" comment that's really unnecessary. I can look at my larger friends and think that they are absolutely beautiful and perfectly proportioned, yet look at myself and not feel the same way. Eating issues are definitely, definitely personal (in my experience at least). Sorry for the long personal ramblings, but hopefully that gives some insight somehow.

Thing is eating disorders are mufti-faceted disorders that can't be broken down into simple ideas. In general they are a combination of several factors that sometimes even contradict each other. Every person with an ED has their own combination of issues, triggers and things that help.

You don't say if you are getting any kind of formal treatment, but if you are perhaps you can ask whoever you are working with, if your boyfriend can join you for a session with the aim of getting strategies to help you? If you aren't in treatment, try pasting "Friends and Family of Someone with an Eating Disorder" in google to find resources for your boyfriend. You'll have to judge the quality of the sites you find because there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Rather than being on the "skinny" side, I am on the "overeater" side. I literally am addicted to food and it's the most god awful thing. I would never wish it on anyone. I've watched myself balloon from a UK size 14, to 16, to 18, to 20 and now I'm around a UK 22 / 24. I am vastly unhappy in my current state and am taking steps to change it, but the addiction is strong. I wouldn't class it as an ED, but I think it is. I went through a period of not eating, skipping meals all the time (something I still do now) and I lost a stone in a week. That control was... well, it was amazing. But my addiction to food and the addiction of needing to eat overwhelmed me and I started eating again.

My problem is that I eat FAR too much. I will continue to eat even when I'm full. It hurts to admit this, really, because people don't know this about me. I know what I'm eating and I know how much, too, but I just continue on without a care in the world and because of my job, I don't work it off. Instead I sit at my office desk all day. Thankfully, I feel guilty eating in front of them, so I eat healthily at lunch time. When I'm home though, I gorge on all those foods I used to be too poor to afford. (That was the trigger- getting money. I can afford this now so I eat this now sort of thing.)

I don't know if this helped because I have a feeling you're suffering the opposite, but... Well it kind of helps to say it once in a while, for me, anyway... :)

first of all your boyfriend needs to read about EDs in general, and then about your specific one. I know someone who has an ED, but im not allowed to talk about them anywhere. hm, it's really difficult for nonED people to understand, true, but the only way for them to understand is by talking about how it feels like, and the "why" with the sufferer [it's not pleasant having an ED, of any kind, though i think i realized which one you have. if you have the one i'm thinking about, make sure to eat enough salt, or your heart could just stop. my friend's doc told them so. im the one cooking for them, so i had to know ]. what i know is that it makes the sufferer feel in control of a part of their life. i think it's also a way of avoiding diabetes. at first, when i discovered, i was really worried, i didn't understand. now.... i know there's not much i can do about it, so we rarely talk about it. i can talk to you about my situation through PMs, if you'd like. i know there is a forum for ED sufferers, that is quite good. i think it can be read by those who visit. your boyfriend could learn more there, from others, because sometimes is easier when you're not involved with a person. that's how it worked with me.

My mom is a chronic binge eater, and growing up she was always telling me how awful it was, how frustrating it was, how I should only eat when I'm hungry. I got a lot of praise for saving food for later, and, well, it kind of backfired for a while. I guess my point is that body image isn't always the point--for me it was more of a positive affirmation thing.

I appreciate the TW, so this is something Iam dealing with as well. I guess the best way for someone to "get" it is most importantly it is NOT a choice. You don't just decide hey I want to throw my life away, ruin all my friendships, and hate myself. People dont get that. The internet especially, glorifies eating disorders and honestly you need to just TELL him what will help. It's different for everyone! I mean basic guidelines to follow would be no food talk, talk about being full/hungry eat your whole meal ect ect because thats a trigger to recovery. I know how difficult recovery is but I hop you realize how blessed you are he is wanting to try to understand. that's already a big step. Just little things that will help you is like "sit down" dinners where you two eat and have a normal relationship but you dont have to eat what he does you know? Like if you want a bowl of strawberries and hes having pizza thats fine! Stuff like that will help limit stress on your relationship and continue to keep it healthy and keep you moving in the right direction towards getting better. Stay strong love xx

I agree with in that eating disorders are often misunderstood as being a vanity/wanting to be thin issue. For some, it starts out that way, but a lot of people with eating disorders know they don't look healthy yet they can't stop their behavior. I think I look terrible and would benefit from gaining weight, but I just can't do it on my own, which is why I'm in recovery.

I've had an eating disorder since I was around 11 years old. I'm 26 now. For me, it's a control thing. There's something powerful about being able to micro-focus on an aspect that many people take for granted and feel as if you have this inestimable control and self-will, particulary during a stressful time in your life. I know that when I go through a break-up or if there's a death in the family or something along those lines, that I have to be extra careful because those are the times that I'm prone to restricting my food intake. Being able to function on a very low amount of calories and knowing that a lot of people wouldn't be able to keep their intake that low makes me feel so incredibly powerful. I feel as if I have this iron will and all of my other current life problems seem much less important because I'm in control.

Eating disorders are ultimately paradoxical. I hate the way my bones are so prominent, yet I enjoy them on a certain level. I know I'm nowhere near overweight, but I see my body through a distorted lens. I'd like to gain weight because I know I'd look better, but whenever I try to eat more, I can't do it. It's as if nothing ever makes any sense and everything is upside down.

There's been a lot of studies showing that eating disorders can be linked closely with OCD and that there is a genetic/hereditary factor in the disorder as well. Studies have also shown that people with eating disorders actually have neuroanatomical and neurochemical differences in their brain and brain activity, particularly the visual cortex, which accounts for the visual perceptual deficits among eating disordered individuals (i.e., why people see themselves as overweight when they're not).

As for your boyfriend, the best thing he can do is just support you. There are some reallyreally great documents about how he can best do this here and here. I hope that helps!