My mom and I have always been practically like best friends. We'd rarely fight, sometimes have fake arguments and sometimes real arguments. Mostly, we'd just laugh.

That's no longer true. Practically every day now, we have a big argument and are constantly upset with the other person. Laughs and smiles are increasingly rare and even those are usually quickly followed by a disagreement. I'm starting to not even want to go home when I'm out with friends, purely because I know I'll come home and my great day will be ruined. Honestly, when this started happening a few months ago, it was because of me. I've grown tired of being treated how I'm treated. Whether she knows it or not, the way she treats me stresses me out almost as much as school does. Yes, I understand she's my parent and I understand I should respect and obey her, and I do. But she doesn't need to treat me how she treats me to be a parent. So, instead of just sitting back and letting my confidence and self esteem take severe blows, I've started fighting back by voicing my own opinion. I'm a passive person by nature, so it takes a while to make me fight back. But my mom will go on and on and on in an argument until you finally start arguing with her. Then she'll insult you by pointing out your personality flaws or will say something that hurts you emotionally. Once you're mad enough, she'll start acting like you're the problem, that she played no role in upsetting you or that you are overreacting.

What she does:

1. My mom is an agitator. Meaning, she'll say and do things just to get you mad and make you argue with her. My grandpa use to do the same thing with her, and now she does it too. 2) She's also defensive. She claims she stopped being defensive long ago, but I know for a fact she hasn't. 3) She feels the incredible urge to point out your flaws. She claims this is to "help you realize and fix the problem" in how you are, but all it does is piss people off. Maybe if she did it in a less aggressive way it would be okay, but she only does this when she's mad at you. 4) She has no self control. At least, not when it comes to buying things. 5) When I try to keep her from buying things I know she'll get rid of in a few months (something she commonly does), she gets mad at me.

Examples:

1. She's very well know for this. I'm very surprised she's never gotten into a fist fight because of this trait. Whenever some stranger does something she doesn't like, she verbally pokes at them to try and piss them off. It's almost like she's daring them to argue with her. Because of this I'm constantly afraid that, when somebody does something she doesn't like, she'll try and start a fight with them. It's truly embarrassing how many times I've had to pull my mom away from somebody just to make her stop agitating them. She purposely agitates me too. Whenever we have an argument, she'll say things that she knows I'll get defensive about. Or, after we're done arguing, she'll say one last agitating thing, then get mad at me when I do exactly what she expected me to do, getting defensive. 2) Her agitating trait goes hand-in-hand with her defensiveness. After she agitates somebody into an argument, she gets defensive, as if she didn't expect them to get mad. 3) I can't even tell you how much she does this to me. I've told her several times before that pointing out my flaws only makes my flaws worse. Yet, she still does it constantly. One minute I'm the best child ever who's sweet, empathetic, appreciative and caring, then the next I'm a spoiled, selfish, defensive person who doesn't appreciate her mom. I say thank you for everything she does for me. From making dinner, to buying dinner, to buying me something, to doing anything that she had to do herself. She's always complimented me on that and how other kids aren't as appreciative. But now saying thank you to everything is not good enough apparently. I'm also supposed to start working for my mom in June as her medical assistant since my mom is disabled. In the beginning she was saying that I basically do everything that's required already, minus some housework I don't do now. A few days ago, during an argument, she told me that she doesn't know why she's hiring me, that I'd only do it half-assed. This trait is probably what stresses me the most. Why did I suddenly go from being good to bad? Why is who I am no longer good enough for her? Why am I constantly having to prove myself to her when I've already proven enough? Why does she want to hurt her own child by insulting her? I think of these questions every time she starts pointing out my flaws. 4) She's constantly complaining about being low on cash and how she hates asking my dad for money, yet.... just the other day she spent $75 at dollar tree when she only went in to spend $5. We have a vacation coming up and instead of the grand plans of nothing but fun and a 5 day vacation like she promised, we're vacationing for a few days, spending money to see one thing and everything else is doing free activities. Not only that, she's promised me this vacation two other times. I blame her terrible spending habit for us being unable to do what we wanted to originally do. I'll enjoy the vacation nonetheless, but it won't be the grand time like I was told it was going to be. Next year for my graduation, she's planning on a 5 day cruise to celebrate. I honestly don't plan on this actually working out.

It's because of those traits and her ways of treating me, mostly her urge to point out flaws, that I'm second guessing my future. I no longer want to be her assistant. Every single assistant she's had before never met up to her high standards and she complains about them to anyone who'd listen. She doesn't even tell the person what they're doing wrong, she just talks about them behind their back. I had been planning to stay at home to care for my mom for the first 4 years of college, before I transfer to another college that's farther away. Now, I'm trying to figure out what I'll do with all my animals when I move out after a maximum of 2 years.

My main source of resentment against my mom, which spurred my refusal to continue being treated this way, is that she's pretty much given up. As I said before, my mom is disabled. She has multiple health issues, but her biggest issues are her back, her neck, her stomach, and her arthritis. She doesn't try and help herself anymore. It's either load her up with pain medication or else she's not getting out of bed that day. This might be okay if she still ate food and took her pills. But if she stays in bed all day, or multiple days, she won't eat. If she doesn't eat, she can't take her pills. If she doesn't eat and doesn't take her pills, she only starts feeling worse. On days like these I will go into her room every few hours and will ask her if she wants anything to eat or if she's taken her pills. She always says no to both, then says she'll get up in a little bit to eat and take her pills. She doesn't get up though. She won't get up until she has to, even if that takes a few days. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being the only one responsible for taking care of her, since her other two kids don't give a damn and I'm the only other person living here. I'm tired of her giving up. Recently, her doctor started allowing her to get "pain patches", something that sticks to her arm and gives her a constant flow of pain medication. She's been up everyday for this whole month now. I was happy about this at first, but her being up everyday means we argue more often, and now I'm starting to wish she wasn't up everyday. I use to not want to come home because I'd come home to an empty house because my mom would lock herself away in her room, and now I don't want to come home because I know we'll just argue.

tl;dr - How my mom is treating me is starting seriously effect our relationship and my stress levels and I don't know how to fix, or at least make her aware, of these problems without her getting defensive.