(I want to make clear that I'm against cheating, so please refrain from leaving any preachy comments about how cheating is wrong.)

I don't know what's happening to me. I love my boyfriend (I'm calling him C), so I don't know why I would have thoughts about cheating on him.

This whole thing started after he temporarily broke up with me a month ago (we're back together now). I was at a party and couldn't stop thinking about him. After hours of trying to forget about him, I succeeded. Then, I started becoming attracted to another guy (J). I started flirting by getting close, touching him, etc. I ended up kissing him and telling him he was really cute. I wanted to go further, but I didn't because I knew a friend at the party was attracted to him.

The next day, I was struggling whether to contact J on Facebook to hook up with him. I decided against it, because I knew I would only be doing it to attempt to fill the void in my heart C left. Even now that I'm back with C, I sometimes want to hook up with J.

Enter another guy, S. We're in a class together. We share a lot in common and have the same sense of humor. He may not be the cutest guy, but I'm attracted to him. I couldn't focus in class yesterday. All I could think of is what I would do with him if we were alone. After class, C texted me and I felt guilty about the thoughts I had earlier. But, the thoughts came back later.

When I dream, I constantly have dreams of making out and having sex with guys that aren't C. I look at other guys and wonder if they're worth hooking up with.

I'm scared my sex drive will make me cheat on C, especially since he'll be out of the country for the summer. I don't know what to do or think...

I wouldn'd think about J so much, if you really think he was just a hole-in-your-heart-filler, but the thing is, if you still want to be with other guys after you got back together with C, you probably don't love him anymore, at least not as much as before, whch is not a big surprise, when my bf broke up with me I wanted nothing more than getting him back but when we got back together everything was awkward. I suggest you to think about this: Was J really just some sort of hole-filler for you? OR do you acctually like him more than you bf? And why did you take your bf back when you acctually want to have sex with other guys. The thing is, if someone is breaking up with you, you only want them to want you back and if they will, you will get together again, but is it worth it, most of the times it ends with feeling awkward all the time, some times it works though. You need to ask yourself if J is worth cheating on your bf, but if he is, do you, your bf and J a favor and at first break up with your bf. It's awful finding out that your gf cheated on you and it's also awful to find out someone cheated on their bf with you.

Is C your first boyfriend (or first serious relationship)? If so all these feelings would make sense, because you want to try something new/different, but that doesn't mean you don't love him or don't want to be with him.

A lingering mind is fine as long as you're happy with what you have and you don't act on it. If it is really getting in the way then maybe you should take a break from C and be single for a bit to "get it out of your system". It really depends on the dynamic of your relationship. If you're happy with your boyfriend and he makes you happy then you could stay with him and the thoughts/feelings will eventually dim, but if they aren't, then you might need to consider taking a break from your relationship to date other guys.

I've been with my (first and current) boyfriend for 8 years. 3 years into the relationship, when I went away to college, I started to be on my own and got feelings for some guy and we became friends and hung out. I really liked him and the more I liked him the more I found my boyfriend annoying and considered breaking up with him to be with this other guy/single. One night I wasn't thinking clearly and let him stay with me in my dorm room (and sleep with him, but not have sex). I never "cheated", but after that, my boyfriend visited me the following weekend and I told him about my feelings for this other guy. We didn't break up, but seeing how much it upset him and how I felt so heartbroken that I did this to him. I went over to the guy's place and told him that I'm not going to break up with my boyfriend for him and ended my feelings for him. The following week I went home to visit my boyfriend and told him I don't want to be with anyone else but him. (I then had milder feelings for another guy, but never let it get as far as with the previous guy) it was awkward between me and him for a while but I stopped liking the other guy and we've been together (and happy) ever since. I love my boyfriend so much and would never do anything to hurt him like that again. That being said, I still am attracted to other men and women, but not ever to the extent of this situation. And being attracted to someone other than your significant other is fine as long as nothing comes out of it.

Of course your relationship is different and you would have a different experience, but you have to consider both yours and C's feelings. Maybe it would help for you to discuss this with him, maybe it won't, but either way, it really depends on how much you love C. Maybe you don't love him anymore since he broke up with you, but maybe you do. It's hard to think about how much you love him, you have to feel it. Which is what I felt when I told my boyfriend about the situation. I felt so hurt that I hurt him and then I knew what I had to do.

Sometimes you do have to make a "mistake" to realize what you have and sometimes you can get over it, but it will always stick with him. In fact two years ago I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about marriage and he told me "he doesn't know if he can ever get over it" which really hurt me at the time but in my heart I know he already has (or he would have broken up with me already), he just keeps remembering it. And he knows I love him and don't want anyone else. So, he will always remember it and he will get over it or realize he's gotten over it already at some point.

I don't know how much help this was, but hopefully it'll give you some perspective and you can make the decision that is right for you and your relationship.

Silvanesti has a good point, maybe you should really try to talk with C about your feelings for J, that you met him while you two weren't together, that you were thinking he was only to fill the void in your heart, and that you now still have feelings for him.

- J was really just a hole-filler. I was only physically attracted to him. We talked a little during the party and I didn't feel an emotional connection with him. Since then, we haven't talked. Over the last few days, I've nearly lost my desire to hook up with him. I've realized he's definitely not worth cheating on C for.

- Yeah, C is my first boyfriend. It just happened to turn serious. He makes me really happy and we have a strong emotional bond. I was intending to try something different after C broke up with me, but we rekindled the relationship before I could act on this desire. Maybe it was too soon to restart the relationship, but I don't have any regrets about it.

I used to joke I would find another guy to be with. He recently revealed he was really hurt by these jokes, even though I was clear I wasn't serious. I was so hurt when he told me this. Since then, I don't joke about it anymore. I don't want to hurt him or myself. Because of this, I don't want to tell him about thoughts I have about other guys.

I don't understand what's happening, but he's opening up to me more. He wants me to meet his relatives (something he denied doing before). He's expressing his feelings more. He's saying and doing things that indicate he truly cares for me. For the first time, I feel like he loves me! It's like the break up brought us closer.

Over the last few days, I have less of a desire to hook up with other guys. C is too amazing of a guy to risk losing over a worthless hook up. I feel better I can still think about other guys, but I need to control myself and not flirt like I tend to do. If I can remember how C treats me, I should be okay. What will be tricky is being friends with guys I'm attracted to (like S) and hanging out with them without going further than that.

Your relationship with C reminds me of the one I have with my boyfriend and I feel like you know the right decision for you. These desires come and go but if you focus your energy on your boyfriend soon they'll dim for other guys and will only come for him. If he makes you happy then that's all that matters. But if you find yourself still thinking about other guys then consider telling him just to clear the air, because he might think about other girls too, and it may be something you two need to discuss in your relationship.

- Thank you for the advice. C took really good care of me while I had a bad sinus infection. We even discuss a possible future together. I feel closer to him than ever before.

I'm starting to understand what true love is. I want to be with him, possibly forever. As of now, I've lost all desire to be with other guys. If those feelings come back, I'll remember why I love C and I'll be fine. :)