And no not me, not at all not one bit. I've never personally thought of harming myself. Nor will I claim I "know exactly" how it goes from one thing into it either. Rather I'm having an issue with someone claiming they want to hurt themselves.

So this might be long and most likely a heavy topic for many but I just need input from people who have been there. So this girl who has been friends with my hubby has her own husband and kids and family that loves her. Hubby one day cut off all communication to anyone he dated of his own free will and this lady tore him a new one, blocked him on FB and other communication means and told him to stay away from her family. Over a year later she now wants to talk to him. She talks about how her marriage is falling apart again and how her and her hubby are swinging again and how she's not happy. Then she reveals she had been thinking of hurting herself for months, which of course prompts my hubby to go to her home and see that she's ok He comes back and says she appeared just fine, not stressed or anything like she was making things seem via text that maybe she was overblowing things like she's been known for.

Now for a week she's been texting my hubby asking him if he was at work or home and if he doesn't answer out of nowhere she is suddenly wanting to harm herself again or has claims she's already hurt herself. Once she asked if he was at work, no reply as he was actually sleeping and next thing she had texted was how she was now suffering from nicotine poisoning and in the hospital. I researched how one gets it and from what I found it's either by specific pesticides or a large intake via the gums or patches and overusing the ecigs. So all in all from what I can find means it's self inflicted in one form or another. And most often it's kids that get placed in hospital and watched when this poisoning happens. Adults are noted what things they suffer from and are told the best way to handle it at home with the logic that adult bodies can handle it better than kids. Very rarely are adults kept for more than note taking and a couple hours of observing, typically only in extreme cases or allergic reactions.

Well again hubby kept himself out of it and now out of nowhere she wants his help to watch her kids. She has 2 sets of grandparents near her, her husband, the people they are swinging with and other family also near by, I somehow doubt none of them aren't helping her. But she keeps pushing things to the point where I'm concerned AND pissed off.

Concerned because if she is really self harming and not in a healthy mental frame then yes she needs help, but we can't fix her. Also concerned because there's at least 10 people near her that are family/closer tied than me or my hubby and they don't seem to be giving her the time of day or help getting things better for her?

And then of course I'm starting to get pissed because of the pattern of "hi you at home/work" followed by something that sounds bad and those are only texted to my hubby. It almost feels like she wants him to be "her" knight in white armor because when she texts me it's just normal girl BS like how the kids are and life and it's musings. Fun things, life events and not once does she mention the things to me she does to my hubby, and that's where I feel like it's more for attention and to try to get him to "save" her from her life style she's living.

At the same time if she IS really stressed/sick/ whatever may start the road to self harm why is she suddenly asking my hubby after a year of no talking by her asking us not to talk to her anymore? She knows we can't fix anything for her. She knows my hubby isn't going to step into what he feels is her husbands duty. I kinda get the feeling it could be a half and half thing. Half could be she is really in trouble but then the other half could be she wants extra attention and since my hubby went to check on her that once after she had said she was thinking of self harm the first time to him that maybe she's latched onto him?

IDK but this has only gone on for two weeks and it's just bothering me for all it's odd aspects. So I guess insight or advice from those who have been there before or close to someone might help me sort out if her messages to my hubby are legit or just attention seeking.

- Coming from someone who self-harms, I tend not to share with people when I do it , or actually show them what I've done. Have you tried talking her into getting help? Next time she threatens to your husband that she's going to injure herself, have him call an ambulance and have him explain. From what you've typed, it seems as if she has something secret feelings about your husband and obviously he's a nice guy who is willing to help? Does she talk to you at all or only him?

It's mostly just him. If I'm on FB or if she needs something at that instant like girly advice then she talks to me. Otherwise it's just him. And like I said if he's not replying soon enough to her she then texts that she was in the hospital for x y z reason (always something harmful) or about how she needs him to come do something for her.

I told him flat out she has far too many people near her for them to be totally ignoring this and not helping her out themselves (husband, the couple they swing with, parents, even her oldest knows how to call for help if things are wrong).

I get it can be hard to admit let alone talk about for some people, but if you're landing yourself in the hospital I question HOW they wouldn't think something is off you know? Even more so if it really was nicotine poisoning, that stuff sounds terrible and it's all noticeable stuff- sweats, extreme headaches, vomiting all kinds of things like that.

Even more so if she did it with suicidal thinking then the hospital dropped the ball in keeping and observing her. Unless she told them it was an accident, but again this poison is pretty self inflicted, you won't get it on accident except in cases of like maybe going to a farm that used that specific pesticide and playing in that sprayed area like all day...

So I told my hubby if this becomes an attention "save me be my knight" thing like I'm 90% sure this is really about, and maybe 10% she is really having issues but not as big as she says, I said it might be his turn to stop the communication.

I mean let's say you were hurting so badly, reached out and when you had that friend show up wouldn't you like idk cry, vent, confide in them about the problem rather than be all normal after showing them distress?

When my dad got cancer I texted my friends i was on the way something was bugging me and once I got there just lost it. It was a big bothersome issue and I knew I could confide, break down and anything i needed with them. So if you trusted someone enough to say things are bad and they come see you wouldn't you express something more than your usual self?

Is she actually in hospital when she says she it, for the reasons she says she is? Because it sounds like she has a lot of people surrounding her, and they'd probably notice.

From the info here, it sounds like she's massively attention seeking. If she threatens self harm, it sounds like calling an ambulance would be a good idea, like already mentioned above. Might encourage her not to tell your fella in future. But he needs to stand up to her if he's not willing to run around after her, or be manipulated. Like you said, he knows it's not his duty, so he needs to get that across to her.

- Next time, have your husband keep the threatening messages and call an ambulance. If she really is mentally sick, then she'll be taken away, if not, I'm sure she'd stop. Like I said, each time she does that, call the police.

It just seems to reek of attention seeking lately but then I can't rule out that she isn't having issues until it's 100% proven she's just trying to pull BS you know? Which is why I wonder about how one may think when they reach this point. I myself even at the worst never thought about hurting myself, but that doesn't mean I can't relate to struggles or pain in life and that's why I leave her a bit of wiggle room so to speak for this to be a real thing and not what it seems like.

From what I know/understand with people who do self harm or thinking of ending their life most times if they end up in the hospital they tend to be held for I think either 48 or 72 hours. This is so the doctor can talk to them and see what's going on and how they act. I'm fairly sure in this holding period only family can even go see them and they have no cell phone access. She is telling him about things like this the day after (if it did at all) and only if he hasn't replied to her.

I just am wondering how much of this is a game to her VS what's going on. I mean I know of nobody that cuts contact then picks it back up with "hi my life has become a shit hole, my marriage is dying and i wanna kill/hurt myself lately". I told my hubby it WAS good of him to go see her the first time just to be safe she would be fine, but now this is daily and not seeming right to everything. When he told me she didn't seem to be acting any differently then it tells me she isn't as bad as she makes it seem.

I just also find it too convenient that upon my hubby not talking to her for a few hours she has a "new" thing to try to cause a panic/emergency reaction out of him. We do still have all her messages over this time so if she tries to claim it's not real then not only does it shatter her resistance to getting help but will reveal what she was doing.

I mean the only people who really can fix anything is gonna be her, her husband and some professional help. Their marriage really is shitty, this isn't the first time they've tried swinging to "fix" their marriage. But at this point they either need to split or get help, and if they get help not only could it help her but may also make their bond they way they need it to be. Hell he is always home in time for dinner every night and stays home once his day is done, just school and work part time. While me and my hubby are more than happy to try to help friends we simply aren't trained or qualified to fix situations.

So if she comes in with another message about hurting herself I'll inform her we're sending her help since the people around her aren't helping. And again it just seems too off to me to have so many people near her for her to only be talking and trying to get my hubby to help her. Either they don't care (which I don't believe as I've met her husband and despite the failing marriage is still attentive to her) or somehow she's able to weave a story to not alarm them.

-Maybe the fact that her "marriage is crumbling", she wants to have someone care for her and for everything to be okay and maybe when your husband helps, it fuels her, you know?

Yeah that's what I'm wondering is if she isn't trying that. I did stand my ground on that possible reason and told him if he's going to play into her BS (if she's not really in trouble) then he needs to end things with me because I'm not getting strung along over her game. The stress and everything else with a husband being played with is just NO I won't go there and refuse to.

I can see where it -might- be that reason as I've had past BFs fall for it before. My hubby doesn't see it simply because he's never been in that situation and has also known this lady since HS making it harder to see it as possible at all.

But I did make it clear that if he's communicating more with her than me over the course of a day, and it's not for an urgent reason such as maybe landing in the hospital again or other serious reasons, that means there's an issue and he'd need to evaluate what's going on. After that discussion he started replying less to her, and we had that discussion about a week ago now.

Again I'm not insensitive to situations but aksjfahgfyeqagrfliager leave my husband and our relationship out of it by NOT trying to get him over there all the time.

- I think you should sit down with your husband and make him lose all contact with her. She doesn't seem upset when he's over, she always calls him, she doesn't bother asking for help with anyone else, and her marriage is falling apart, it's obvious it's a game. Like I said, next time, call the police, and yes, they hold you certain days depending on your age. I was held about a day and a half, other kids there were held weeks to a month. It's no laughing matter and it's a real depressing thing when people use harm for attention, it's very offensive to those who do harm.

yeah I never understood the need to play into an issue you don't have discrediting those who ARE in genuine trouble/issues.

She also sent a text last night stating she needed a babysitter so she could go get help and we told her we refuse to watch her kids when her husband should be doing it. She was gonna take the bus to wherever and even if her husband was gonna drop her off they have car seats for the kids. After he said no because he had to work early today she simply said "ok thought I'd try". Haven't heard anything yet today. But I'd figure IF the kids need watching for real, like when her husband is at school and work HE'D be the one to ask for the help if she had an appointment, and he asks their parents first, his brother second THEN he asks friends. Plus it's the weekend and he doesn't have school or work on weekends.

I just feel kinda on a edge with this simply because if she is on the decent of trouble and nobody is paying attention it can end badly. But on the flip side she has no right to try to guilt my man into paying any attention to her. And then the other part of this feeling like a strung along game doesn't help when she communicates with my hubby's exes still, of which they like to play games.

- Hm. I'd talk to her and see if she sincerely wants help. Maybe take her there yourself to see if she's just playing around or really does need help. Sometimes, people need persuaded and helped in situations like this. I'd still stand your ground about the ambulance option as well. When I was talking to my psychiatrist when I first went and told him about how I felt (similar to her), he sent me away within seconds.

ok i can tell you straight up that is textbook manipulative behavior and it's not ok. at this point it's not really any of your concern whether or not she's actually hurting/going to hurt herself. her main goal here is to use that as leverage to get attention from your husband and that's unhealthy for everyone involved.

like, you can't help her unless she wants to be helped anyway. i would just focus on protecting you and your family's well being and just stop talking to her altogether. there isn't a friendship on earth that makes being manipulated worth the while. never. ((Edit// and like idk maybe you can send her a letter or something telling her like, hey we recognize this as really unhealthy/creepy behavior that needs to stop, so we're cutting you out. we really suggest you see a counselor, here's a number, best of luck to you - or something along those lines, if you are really worried))

So he sent you for further help right away after talking? That's a good attentive doctor right there. I once had heart issues and my doctor did everything to figure out what was going on. Until blood work came back we were wondering if it was stress/anxiety getting to me but nope I was preggers :x But point is a good doctor will insist on helping and doing what's needed and either she really hasn't been or her doctor is shit.

Thanks for your input! It just gets tough sorting these things out when it's you in it VS outside views. And yeah it's true she really HAS to want help for it to really make a difference. Like sure they can hold and observe, even come up with plans on how to help you, but if you're over 18 you can tell them "nope I don't want the help k thanks bye". That goes for anything someone might be dropped off to get help for, holding for observing yes they may do this to be sure you aren't out of the ability to do for yourself, the actual treatment nope if you say you're done/ don't want it they have to let you go (provided you are deemed able to make up your own sound mind and aren't suffering from things).

So I think if she tries to do this again I'll text her back that 1) we're calling her help right then and 2) to leave us out of it after that point. So far she still hasn't bothered us today, either because it's mothers day so she's getting attention or because she really did go get help last night.

yeah of course!! i hope i didnt sound insensitive/abrasive or anything, like personally, i do struggle with mental illness myself and a lot of my friends do as well, so i'm definitely familiar with trying to help people. but there is a difference between real self-destructive behavior and self-destructive behavior that is a means to an end, or a way to get someone else to do something.

i also know that like, a loooot of people (most actually?) never really realize that abuse/manipulation look like that. it gets pretty obvious once you start actively devoting attention to it, but i feel v strongly that people NEED to know that threatening to hurt yourself to make other people do stuff is NEVER ok. there is literally no circumstance where that is called for and i just have 0 patience for people who want to try to pull that stuff, because it's happened to me and it messed me up to this day.

i do want to say, kudos to you for really wanting to help her at all. i don't know this person, she may very well need it, and maybe what she needs is a friend pushing her in the right direction to realize how shitty she's been behaving. but it also is not your responsibility to make sure that happens. in this case it would be safer for you both to just walk away and the safer route is always the better one. good luck!!

- I totally agree,

My first thought upon reading it is "typical personality disorder behavior"

I'd honestly block her and ignore it.

- This woman is definitely mentally unstable and needs professional help ASAP. I believe she wants your husband's affection and attention more than anything. I think this because my dad would threaten to hurt himself if my mom didn't go back to him (they were getting a divorce at the time).

Don't ignore her just yet. Like others have said, she needs to go to the hospital and be checked out. If things continue the way they are, her threats may become more serious, like wanting to kill her kids, husband, you, etc. She may eventually try to carry out her threats. This is what happened with my dad.

Once she is in good hands, you and your husband should cut off all communication with her to stay safe.

I honestly thought about self harming ONCE, but that's a long story. But I never told anyone about it, not even my best friend, because if you really want to kill yourself, then you don't need someone to tell you why not to do it. It never went further than just that thought though, as a mentally healthy human being, you just can't do it. Not even when thinking that everything is ruined in your life, like your family hates you, you don't have friends anyway except one but you haven't seen her in a while because of your boyfriend who just broke up with you the other day, you don't havy any money because you don't have a job and in school everyone hates you too because whatever I don't knwo anymore.

Normally people with this thoughts don't do anything mire than thinking about it, and people who tell others about it don't really want to anyway and therefore they won't do something to themselves anyway.

She just seems to want another life, hers is not the one she wanted, she wants someone to care for her, that'S why she sends this only to your husband and not to you. The next time, tell him to stay with you and just call the police and ambulance to go to her house and see if everything's okay.