So, my boyfriend of 16 months broke up with me a week ago. I'm completely shocked and I didn't see it coming at all, until the day he did it. And he cried, and said he didn't want to hurt me, but that he wasn't happy anymore. We spent a lot of our time together and we practically lived together. I thought everything was fine. He seemed happy, we went out, we had fun together. He made it sound as if I was the one, that we'd start a life together once we were both finished with college. We joked about the house we'd have and we discussed our future together.

Well, we talked this weekend, and he said he wants to remain friends. He said that he is freaking out about graduating, and he wants to take risks, and he only has 4 months until he has to have his life figured out. He told me that we're different people that want different things. I'm just so heartbroken and I am having the hardest time getting over this. I wish I could be friends with him, but I know it's because I don't want him to forget about me and that he would hopefully want to get back together with me. I feel dumb, but I asked him to watch my animals for me this weekend while I'm gone and he agreed. He came over to get my key, and he hugged me and kissed my forehead and it's incredibly frustrating. He even took the mug I made him for Valentine's day, which says "best boyfriend ever" (corny I know).

Basically I'm having a hard time coping and wondering if it's worth it to try and talk to him and see if there's a chance we can work through the issues. I think that's what hurts me most: that he didn't even bother trying to work it out. So I don't know. This is tearing me up and I know everyone says it will get easier but god it doesn't feel like it right now.

To me, it sounds like what you both need is time. You need time to adjust to the new circumstances and he needs time to work through his graduation panic. Talking to him about it might help; at the very least it could give you some closure. It's possible that breaking up with you is just his way of handling this feeling that he needs to get his life in order.

I agree with Eternal about the 'needing time' thing. My first girlfriend broke up with me sort of out of the blue (well, after she suddenly asked if I would be comfortable with opening our relationship, to which I declined and she soon began monogamously dating her best friend) and I was right in that boat: frustrated that it happened so suddenly. We never fought, all our times were good - I just couldn't wrap my head around where things 'went wrong'. But I find what he said about 'different people who want different things' easy to relate to. I remember I was so frustrated with her and was, at one point, begging her to work this out with me - but I soon realized that I can't force her feelings. Eternal's "You need time to adjust to the new circumstances" is something I definitely agree with.

If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here - I know this can be tough, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter where it may lead.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Perhaps as those above have said, once he figures things out, everything will work out for the both of you and he'll realize he can be with you and that risks don't have to be something you take alone. The risks you take alone are dumb risks. But if he wants something different than you do, perhaps this is for the best. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Yeah, we talked a couple days after the break-up and he clarified that the reason he did it was a mixture of not knowing what to do with his life, wanting to take risks and be with his friends, and just not feeling the same way towards me. So I think the space thing will at least give us both time to think about everything.

It's just so hard for me to believe because it was so sudden and I thought everything was fine! He has a problem with telling me how he feels though, and he knew how upset this would make me so I think that's partly why he waited. :/ And thank you! I'm slowly starting to feel better. I've got a job interview so I'm really hoping I get it and that will give me something to take my mind off of it all. I'm not sure if I should stay friends or not; I mean, I want to, but I know I'll stay hopeful that he'll realize that I'm still the same person and he does still love me.

Thank you! I have no idea what kind of risks it is that he wants to take that he couldn't do while with me. I think he may feel like I hold him back, because I did have the tendency to be a tad bit clingy and I know that bothered him. But yeah, we'll see what happens. Maybe he will come around, and maybe not. I'm trying not to be too hopeful about it and just trying to work on moving on right now.

Yeah, I would definitely put the focus on moving on. Dwelling on what could have been typically just makes it harder to achieve that thing, whether because it will come off as clingy and bother him all over again or because it makes it harder to build that type of relationship with someone else.

So glad you've got such a good head on your shoulders about this! Just keep swimming. <3

That sounds like a good plan to me. I wish you the best :)

Well, this pretty much reminds me of my first break up :c

I went to see my bf over the weekend and he was really cute and then when I sat on his bed he sat behind me and huged me, at first I found it cute but then he started talking. He said that he really likes me (and at that point it was clear for me what comes after this) ... BUT he doesn't feel the same for me as he did half a year back and that he I'll still be his best friend and we still CAN do things together together, but we won't be more than best friends anymore ... it still hurts me when I think back to this and somehow he got me to still stay there over the weekend because it was expensive to go there and as I don't earn money and payed the train ticket with my pocket money he got me to stay because else it would be waisted. After a while of not talking too much to each other he wrote me a message in Skype out of the blue telling me he missed me. We then wrote back and forth about a week until he admitted he still loves me and misses me and that he made a huge mistake when he broke up. He wanted me back, but I didn't know what to do, I thought about it for a few days and then thought, that I could give him a second chance and we can try it again. This was back in early 2012, and now we're still together and he really still feels bad about what he did and still tries to do everything that I am happy about my decision (what I am but well, boys xD)

You should just try to let him go, that'S what I did. You sure heared this a lot but this is what helped me by that time. If you truely love someone, let him go, if he comes back, he'll be yours forever, if he doesn't, he never was yours.

But still, I hope you'll feel better soon, it's a really hard time you're going to go through, I know what I'm talking about. c: You will feel better some time, but I won't lie, you'll probably never forget him, since he was you first ever boyfriend.

There's one last thing I want to say, you might feel like your whole world is breaking apart, but you still have awesome friends who will stay by your side no matter what happens, and if he doesn't want you anymore, well there are millions of men out there who would love to even just talk to you ^~^

Thank you for the advice! I'm glad things worked out for you! I'm trying to stay busy and move on, it's getting a lot easier now that I have other things to focus on! That's the main thing I'd like to accomplish this summer; moving on and not talking to him as much. It's so hard to go from talking to someone every day to not talking at all. But I do have other friends to hang out, and I feel bad because while I was in the relationship I didn't hang out with them too often.

Also thank you all for being so nice and supportive! ❤️

The more you have to do, the easier it is not to think about him all the time c: I didn't hang out with many of my friends as often as I used to because of my relationship as well, but now I do even more, since they were there for me when I had a bad time, even after I let them alone for so long, that's how you know who's a true friend c:

I wish you all the best to get the love you deserve ^~^

Thank you! I saw him today because he had to give me my key and he helped me carry my groceries up to my apartment but otherwise he seemed really distant and not very friendly. It kinda hurt, but I have other things to keep me distracted right now!