I wanted to get some feedback from others about whether being friends with an ex is a good idea.

Story behind this question:

My first boyfriend broke up with me last week. I'm okay with it though... I was starting to feel like the relationship wouldn't work. However, we built a strong bond over the last 8 months.

He is a nice person and someone I can trust. I want to remain friends with him. He responds to my texts, so that brings me hope that he seems open to being friends. Can the friendship work or is it doomed to fail?

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this question. Every situation is different. I know people that are still great friends with their exes while others ceased to exist. In my own experience, my ex and I became friends but it gradually deteriorated. Nothing bad caused our friendship to die, it just did on its own. If memory serves correct, I haven't talked to him in a little over a year now.

If you two want to keep in touch and can have a healthy friendship, then go for it. But it does not work for everyone. In the end, time will tell. Sorry this isn't a direct "yes" or "no" answer. It just really depends.

Sometimes it can work, most often it doesn't. It works best when, as in your case, the breakup is mutual. You have to guard against nostalgia, forgetting why you broke up in the first place, especially if you really get along as friends. Also be careful of jealousy - even though you may no longer be interested in him, the first time he dates someone else may still hurt.

It can, but it's hard. It's hard for both people to be on the same page with the breakup. It's hard for both to never suddenly want to rekindle feelings, or feel jealous, or hurt, or guilty, or whatever at some point. It's also risky trying to be friends so soon after a break up. It's POSSIBLE, but don't get your hopes up. I was in a near four year relationship with a guy and I have been trying to be able to be friends but it is becoming so hard (it's been nearly a year now).. I kind of regret staying friends.

- I agree with the "time will tell" part. I had a close friendship with a former coworker that is now nonexistent. I tried reaching out to her a few times almost a year ago, but she ignored me. I decided it was best to end the friendship.

In the case of my ex, I hope the friendship will work. I'll continue to reach out to him until he decides to ignore me.

- The jealousy thing does worry me a bit. I can't think of him being with someone else without me wanting to cry. I hope that feeling will go away eventually.

- I'm trying my best to guard myself against the feelings I had for him. It's really difficult, and I don't know how I'll react when I see him again. It may have been too soon to salvage the friendship, but I was afraid if I didn't try now, I would lose him forever. I'm hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.

Statistically speaking it is incredibly rare to maintain a true and trusting relationship between two people who were ex lovers over a span of years. Sure it might work out for a little while but it will most likely decrease either in frequency of communication,or end up explosively. This is based on perhaps 6 different psychology textbooks and 2 sociology textbooks I have read in the past 2 years. My personal experience, it doesn't work and it isn't worth it.

I can't say a clear yes or no. Everyone needs to decide for their own. Though if you stay friends with your ex there are things you need to accept. When he finds another girlfriend, you will be hurt and cry and be really jealous. His new girlfriend will be jealous of you because she will thing he still has feelings for you and force him not to talk to you anymore. You probably won't understand anything by that time.

Also there are times when you just want him back because of the way he talks to you or something.

When my boyfriend broke up with me we still stayed friends and he wanted to date another girl though he still loved me and then he went home without seeing her. He called me a few days later asking me to visit him. Well, I thought about it for a while but in the end I went to his house, we had a really fun time and in the end he kissed me. The thing is we are together again and everything is okay now.

These are the two things that might happen if you stay friends. I've heard many of those storys from my friends who stayed friends with their exes. But very few of them turned out to them getting together again. I think 3 (including mine) but one of them are exes now again and not friends anymore.

It's good to break up without hating each other though it can turn to hate if you try to stay friends. You hate him for being with another girl, kissing another girl and doing other things with her he did with you earlier.

Answer this question and you should know if you are willing to stay friends with him. Are you okay with seeing him with another girl, doing all the things with her he did with you?

- Are those textbooks for college? I'm curious and would like to check them out if they're not college textbooks.

I expect communication between me and my ex to dwindle, especially if he moves to a different state like he is planning to do. I don't have any expectations from him. If he wants to continue to communicate, okay. If not, okay.

- As of now, the answer to the question is a reluctant "yes". What matters to me is his happiness. If he finds someone he loves and loves him back, I'll be happy for him. It's hard to accept this, but what reassures me is I know there is a guy out there who will love me for who I am.

Yes these textbooks were for college as they were the require books for the class. They aren't too difficult to read. You can get some generic textbooks.

- Okay, thank you for the info!

I find it hard to stay friends with ex's to be honest. No real reason as to why I find it hard, I guess it's because I still have feelings for the person despite whatever hardship ended the relationship.

I'm not friends with my ex's at the moment but I did try but it didn't work out for me.

It depends on the person and the type of relationship it was. Personally I find it incredibly inappropriate to remain friends with someone who has shared a sexual intimacy of some sort. Like, I would not be comfortable dating someone who continued to talk to someone they've previously did...things...with. Regardless of if they claimed to not have any more feelings for each other or whatever. So, following that standard, I would break off all contact with those sorts of people.

If it was a short relationship, and/or didn't go beyond, say, kissing... Then it's not too big of a deal. I personally don't retain any sort of feelings for the people in those sorts of relationships, so a friendship is possible to maintain.

I think a good rule of thumb is... if I still have feelings for the person, then I stop talking to them and ask myself the same question like a year later. I don't like to bother getting into any sort of emotional struggle if I can help it lol

- I understand what you mean by tough. It is tough being around him considering I still have feelings for him. I struggle to keep my feelings hidden. To make things more complicated, he shows feelings for me too.

- I like your HA! It's so colorful!

I did... things with him, so I guess that intimacy does make my feelings for him stronger.

Things are starting to happen what makes me feel conflicted. Over the last two weeks, I've spent some time with him. In the process, we did intimate things, but called it casual. However, there are strong indications he still has feelings for me and is trying to rekindle the relationship. At this point, I'm willing to get back with him. He's a great guy and we get along really well. He just needs to learn to love himself.

I honestly don't know if I'm making a smart decision, but I want to follow my heart.

Thank you very much! I see you have very good taste as well, what with the matching item and all xD

Doing intimate things with the hope of a relationship forming afterwards is a very risky move. If you truly are happy with a friends-with-benefits type of relationship, then by all means continue on. To save any heartache though that could come from an emotional attachment, you should seriously speak to him about his intentions. Express your feelings and what it is you want to come of it and what all you are comfortable doing in said boundaries.

No one can know the situation more fully than yourself. Following your heart can be good, and it is up to you if that is a risk you want to take. I just urge you to be careful and protect your heart. :)

- Thank you for the compliment and advice!

I should talk to him and see what his response is. I'm not expecting anything from him, but I do hope he wants me to be more than a friend with benefits.

I'm willing to take the risk. I'll remain strong. :)

You're welcome! Any time! ^_^

I hope everything goes well - good luck!

You should totally update me on the situation after your talk and whatnot... I mean, if you want to. Because I'm curious and stuff. xD

- Thank you!

Sure, I'll update you. I won't see him until this weekend, because of work and school.

Edit/update - - We're back together. The problem was he was feeling guilty of me getting in trouble with my mom because I spent time with him. She is a judgmental person and thinks he's awful, because he doesn't want to meet her. He doesn't want to meet her, because I told him how judgmental she is and how she yells at me constantly. I told him I don't care what my mom thinks many times, but he's finally realized it. We didn't even need to say that we still love each other. We just knew.

I forgive him for the heartache. I've become emotionally stronger and appreciate him more. I'm very thankful for my friends and the commentators here. :)