Hi everyone this is my first composition i need to improve my writing, so please i would be very greatful if you can tell me what is right and what not and why

I hope you like it Gina’s disillusionment

Gina was a gregarious girl. She usually met people easily, because of that ,when she met Peter, they became friends immediately. Peter seemed energetic, outgoing, confident and funny. After two months, they began to date. Gazing at her in adoration ,he whispered her lovely words confessing that he had completely fallen in love with her. Gina believed that everything was perfect .Unfortunately, she would discover that everything had just a deceit; in fact (actually), he was rather childish and a bit ego-centric, more than that, he apparently did not like to assume his adult responsibilities. When she realized that, Gina began to worry about her future relationship

One day -as she had been fearing - he did not call her, neither answered her  calls. Finally, when  Peter  phoned  Gina  seven days later, his voice sounded  lacking ( destitute of ) emotion  and calm. He told her that even though he liked her deeply, he had realized that he was not prepared for a serious relationship, moreover he preferred to remain  alone for a  while. Completely shocking, she hung up  her  mobile, she  sprawled on the sofa. While  she slurped a soft Martini  with silent tears from  her  eyes and a  bland smile, Gina drank a toast to the unconditional  love. 

Its seems that nobody want to help me sobs:(

Looks alright so far. :) I liked the ending :D

in fact means the same as actually.

and I don't know if unemotional is a word. xD Maybe you could have better rephrased to "his voice was calm; it lacked emotion." but don't take this seriously because I'm not good. XD

It's a good story, but you may need to work on your punctuation and grammar so it'll flow much easier. :3

Im now its better but as it is a formal register my teacher does not allow me to use phrasal verbs :(

It's a good story, but you may need to work on your punctuation and grammar so it'll flow much easier. :3

Yes i had to brush up my writing for that reason i have posted this forums I need help to notice which are my common mistakes and correct them :D

its an awesome story. i think the same as ricecake, just a little grammer mistakes. are you writing any more? i wuld really like to know why peter doesnt want to be with her anymore. cool