This is a character I made for a Gargoyle Rp. She is one of two basic species and is essentially the 'good guy' species.

Name: Pierina, (it means 'Made of Stone' in Italian) Nickname: Rina

Gender: Female

Race: Spite

Bio: Though her almost angelic appearance suggests a peaceful and kindly soul, Rina is often aloof and outspoken. Though a Spite by birth, Rina tends to avoid the others, choosing to spend most of her time seeking out Glints to try and coax her fuzzy history into greater detail. Like, why she is the only Spite made of marble, and why she is drawn towards It like a moth to a bonfire. She is not popular among her people but has made few enemies among either side's ranks. she often acts impulsively and without remorse, though her selfish ways are held far in check, especially around other Spites.

Appearance: Here

Weapon: Rapier

Other: She can fly short distances due to the set of small wings on her back

Please critique but remember the context of the RP, meaning she is for all intents and purposes, a gargoyle. The RP is essentially an Urban-fantasy where the vast majority of the action goes on with the general population completely oblivious.

so yeah. What do you think?

The small fuss about her appearance at the start of her bio gives off something of a mediocre first impression, and overall nothing in particular about her jumps out to the reader.

I watched Gargoyles as a kid and so my memory of it is really really vague, but I do not recall any of the characters using weapons that were not their own teeth, claws or wings.

Be that as it may, I do recall it had a modern setting, and wonder how Pierina came by a rapier, or why she would choose something comparitively inefficient when guns and the like are much easier to get? Don't get me wrong, I love me some swords too, but.

Forgotten past is a pretty done-to-death plot device, but I like that she does not seem to be dripping with the usual angst associated with that sort of thing. Good work.

Overall, those quibbles aside, there is nothing about her that is particularly remarkable or heinous, from the information you have provided. Whilst this means there is nothing inherently terrible about Pierina, there's nothing really interesting about her, either.

Well, sorry for leaving this for so long, the last time I was here there was only one RP forum and Wardrobes were a lot simpler. I'll drop a comment just to let you know I've posted~

that is a good critique. I needed the constructive criticism.

A better explanation of the premise is: much like the cartoon Gargoyles mentioned, these creatures are stone in the human realm, but instead of coming to life at night, they exist on a parallel plain that only certain humans can detect (Glints) This means that she IS stone and was essentially sculpted, not born.

1. I was suffering from severe writers block at the beginning of this rp so her bio is a tad choppy. ^_^;

2. Essentially, she is a statue in the human realm for all intents and purposes so she fights with what she was "sculpted" with. She uses a rapier because it's more effective against the baddies (made of stone as well so you can't shoot them very effectively... but metal scraping you hurts more than bullet bounces do...) and mostly because it's more romantic than a pistol. and who has ever managed to stay aloft flying while fighting the rifle kickback? X3

3. The forgotten past is my half-assed way of getting out of having to write a background for her until I think of a really good one. I cheat. sue me ^_^

4. she is intentionally uninteresting because she is NOT the main focus of the story and i am sick of everyone vying to have their character the most prominent in the story.

I hope that cleared up a few things. I don't come right out and say it at first because i'm lame. If there's any other glaring problems... let me know. ^_^

Rapiers~

I'm not really sure about the metal scraping vs. bullet wound thing, as rapiers are traditionally for piercing and thrusting, and I wonder how effective being poked by one would be to stone. But again that's more my ignorance towards the fandom Rina's functioning in than anything else, so I'll take your word for it in this case.

But yeah, the bio could use some fixing up so that it's a bit less, well, choppy. You've described her as "aloof and outspoken" which made me pause a minute to work out how those two opposing qualities would work. In the end I think you were trying to tell the reader she's got an outwardly cold personality and is very blunt with her words?

And besides that, maybe also clearing up "her selfish ways are held far in check, especially around other Spites"? You're indicating here, I think, that she's not particularly dumb and although impulsive, knows when to keep quiet. Whilst being vague does wonders in prose, since this is a bio, please try to be as straightforward as you can without giving away the whole thing, so to speak.

Anyway, that's all I can think of, if it's helped you at all.