Met this guy at work, lets call him King, about several years ago. We hung out, in group settings, and I discovered that I really enjoyed his company.

So one day, I had flowers sent to him at work, anonymously, of course. Other coworkers made fun because they thought he was extra friendly with a customer. =)

It was during this that I discovered that he had a girlfriend, lets call her Karen, and he was afraid to take the flowers home, because he didn't know if they were sent by her or not, he had even gone to the flower store to try to figure out who had bought them. I was horrified to learn I had put him in such a position.

I made a point of meeting his girlfriend. . . and absolutely adored her. We ended up being on very friendly terms.

Later on, the two got engaged, and I completely put away the the idea of ever being with King.

So one day King asks me to help him with a surprise for Karen. I agreed. I later regret my decision because I didn't know if I could handle being alone with him. Though in the back on my head, all I could wish is that he'll tell me him and Karen aren't together anymore and that he has feelings for me.

Imagine my surprise when part of that comes true and he confesses that they aren't together anymore. The thing is, they had been together so long that the project we were working on was actually for him - it was his own way of letting her go.

Later on, I was talking with a friend, let's call him Mark, who has known King for years. I told him how I thought King and Karen were so perfect for each other that I didn't understand their breakup or why she had moved hundreds of miles away afterwards. . . and that's when I learned the truth about King.

Mark told me, that King was controlling and possessive of Karen. He wouldn't let her wear certain things in pubic. She couldn't go out with her friends without him. And the horrible things he would say to her. I had even learned that he had hit her once.

And as I learned this I thought back on my time with King. How he would call to see where I was and who I was with. How I had gotten into the habit of actually letting him know before he even ask, because I knew it was expected.

And then there was the day, I had told him 'no', and the surprise look on his face, as if I weren't suppose to say no to him.

At that realization, I knew I had to stop what ever it was before it began. At one point I even thought, "Well, maybe Karen just wasn't woman enough for him."

I know I should cut him off completely. I even learned that Mark doesn't even return his calls or hang out with him anymore after he learned what went down with Karen..

I SEE this train wreak approaching, it's as clear as day, but every time the phone rings and I seen his name, I still get butterflies. I've never had them before, and I like the feeling. I just wish he wasn't the one who gave them to me. . .

Ahh.. That sucks.. I think I can some what understand what you're going through.. What with trying to keep out of a relationship that you think will be unhealthy for you.

Anyway, If Mark is as reliable of an informer as you make him out to be, I think you have to suck it up and do what's best for you and your emotional health. I know it will be hard, but in the end, you'll be glad you didn't fall for him. :) I hope this helps.

I do trust Mark and what he has to say. King and Mark have been friends since high school, and for Mark to completly cut him off after knowing him for so long, I know he really, really, really didn't approve of King's behavior.

And Mark isn't the only one who has cut him off. I talked to King yesterday (I know, but it's a slow process) and Mark isn't the only one of his friends who has cut him off. I asked him why, hoping he would tell me about him and Karen, but he simply said he didn't know.

It helps that we no longer work together, so I don't have see him everyday. I just haven't gotten to the point where when he calls to not answer the phone.

I'm seeing him tonight, and I'm going to act all normal, like nothings wrong, like I don't know the truth. But I've told myself, that tonight is the last time I'll see him or answer his calls.

Because I can't stand the disapproving looks that Mark gives me when we are hanging out and I get a text or call from King. And Mark is a good friend, and I'm not going to lose that friendship over a guy I know isn't going to be any good for me.

Then again, things are so much easier said then done. So please wish me luck.

You need to get the hell away from this guy, period. Not because Mark gives you 'the look', but because you need to protect yourself.

Control freaks can be very charismatic and manipulative when they choose to be, and if King senses you might be pulling away, he may just up the ante by pushing whichever buttons he knows will work.

Be very, very careful. :(

I know, Talyn, and it's not just about Mark.

Like I said before, I see what's going on very clearly. But I've never deliberately cut a person off before, which is why I'm going to act like there's nothing wrong when I see him.

Plus, I've long stopped seeing him alone, because hearing that he actually hit Karen, frighten the hell out of me, so it's always in a group setting.

I am concern what will happen when he realizes I have cut him off. I mean, for crying out lot, Karen ended up moving hundreds of miles away. When I talked to her last, she still won't admit why the two of them broke up.

But I am going to be careful. That's for sure.

The fact that you're not alone with him is a good thing. It sounds like Karen is staying quiet for a reason; I mean, most people, when they break up, want to talk about it, right? I'm wondering if he threatened her.

You two are just friends, right? I mean, you're not officially dating? If you're not actually his 'girlfriend', he may not react badly. Not to say that he's not already feeling possessive, but if you're not in a relationship, he just may not feel as possessive as he would if you were going out (if that makes sense).

Good luck with this. Not to sound like a mother hen, or anything, but if you go anywhere with him, make sure it's in a group, and make sure someone else outside of the group knows where you are. Carry a cellphone at all times.

Have you ever seen this website? Read a few of the stories on here before you talk to King again.

At least you recognize a bad situation for what it is, and that's half the battle. Hopefully, you'll get rid of the butterflies (and King) soon. :(

No, King and I, fortunately, never really made anything official, before I found out the truth. And yes, your second passage made perfect sense and I'm glad I dodged that bullet.

And you don't sound like a mother hen, it's very good advice and I appreciate it A LOT!

And I'm going to check out the site you wrote down as soon as I send this post. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me. =)

I don't mind helping. My ex was an abusive control freak, and now, every time I hear about someone else getting involved with one, I spaz and panic just a little bit. :P

Again, good luck, and if you need to talk, comment or sMail me.