On everything. Seriously. All I'm doing lately is fucking up everything, and I just lost eleven weeks of class work, and I just don't have any ambition to redo it. =/

I wanna go back to the counselor, but my insurance is fucked.

Either way I look at it, I'm fucked...

[edit]

I guess I should elaborate.

Life sucks. End of story.

But anyway, my family is falling apart. My mom and sister are going to Colorado to be with the man she's cheating on my dad with. All me and my dad do is butt heads. We haven't gone anywhere as a family since last summer.

I got fired from my work study after a month for missing too many days while trying to fight the stomach flu.

Shaun doesn't get along with either of my parents so they're butting heads too.

I just lost three months worth of school work, because my thumb drive has up and disappeared, and stupid me never backed it up on my laptop.

I lost my debit card. There goes all my money.

...

There's a lot more but I'm not getting into it.

I'm going to my old caseworker when she gets back from lunch to see if I can get back into counseling. I can't keep trying to talk about my problems to everyone else =/

Im sure being able to talk to a couselor will really help :)

As far as your debit card, call to get it canceled and another issued.

I found it laying on my floor. It must've fell out of my pocket. One problem down...

I went down to talk to her, but I can't get actual counseling until I go through the whole process of being put back into the system again...

That work issue sucks. I have a whole ton of school assignments on a thumb drive and the stupid thing DIED. It's cool that you found your card, I hope everything works out as well. And how dumb to fire someone when they're sick. It's like "Do you want me to come in while I'm sick and infect THE REST of you?" Good luck on finding the thumb drive, that'll be the easiest way to solve that issue.

I'm sorry your going through so much. As far as your dad goes, just try to be nice to him and do what he asks even if you don't want to for a while. He's going through a lot too. It will make life at your house a lot easier if one of you is being kind and thoughtful even if the other isn't. I would keep Shaun away from your parents for a while till things calm down.

Wow, today sucked so bad people over the internet made me cry. Lmfao, I'm pathetic.

I kinda wanna off myself so I don't have to deal with this crap anymore but the only thing I have going for me are my boyfriend and my job and I'm too much of a pussy anyway. Everything else is just....no.

Hang in there. Life is always changing. It'll get better. I promise. It'll get worse again soon or a while after that, but...at least take comfort in the fact that things don't stay the same. Eventually it's gotta change.

I can relate to internet people making me cry...it's pretty humiliating, but on a bad day, just about anything can set you off. I hope you feel better, dear- maybe go cuddle or bond with your boyfriend(not sure if you live in proximity of him?) And hey, you got a job still. That's good, with this shitty economical situation. ❤

It'll get better, though. I promise me. I don't know when...but it will. Just hold out and be strong; it's the boldest thing you can do.

I won't be able to see him until tomorrow afternoon =/

Seriously, just the rain made me cry today. I was depressed and the rain's depressing. FUCK, even Hellboy 2 made me cry.

I walked out of classes today because since I lost all of my work for the past three months, I didn't know where to start. I was so overwhelmed that I cried and walked out. I don't think I'm even gonna go back because I can't make up three months of work in less than a week and working all day, all weekend.

The whole my mom cheating on my dad thing has me pissed off beyond belief, and I'm questioning even donating my kidney now if she's just gonna run off.

I don't know anymore...I really don't. I've tried being strong for too long. I can't do it anymore.

I feel like I'm gonna vomit and I can't stop shaking...

[edit]

Also, I'll have to go through the whole process again of being referred to mental health by my family doctor, being put back into the system and getting a psychiatric evaluation, and all that other fun stuff. I can't keep trying to talk to other people about it, and writing it in my journal isn't helping. It isn't one of those locking ones either, and my sister has prying eyes, so I have no privacy whatsoever. At least with a counselor, there's confidentiality and your problems are safe with them and nobody else will ever find out unless there's talk of suicide or other things along those lines.

I'm afraid to talk to anyone at school about anything because it'll make me seem weaker than I am and I seriously hate asking them for help, even if it's just with a project or something.

[edit] ; I know I shouldn't be thinking about my problems too much, but it's hard not to when things have been eating at you for years. I'm one to keep things bottled up inside, and when something happens, I either get upset and cry or I lose my temper. I've broken windows due to my temper =/ I was on antidepressants before, but when I met Shaun, everything got better. I wasn't so emotional, I felt better about myself, and what have you. When I'm with Shaun, everything seems to be perfect, but then I come back here and reality hits me like a ton of bricks.

[edit] ; List of reasons why today sucked butt:

1. Woke up an hour before my alarm went off (okay, it wasn't so bad, but still...)
2. Squished a spider with a full bottle of body wash, put it back where it was, and it fell and hit me square on my bad ankle. Real start to my bad day.
3. Couldn't find my ID or thumb drive.
4. Got to the bank and couldn't find my debit card.
5. Got to my first class, saw the empty folder on the thumb drive, got overwhelmed, cried, and left.
6. Stupid automatic checkout at Weis wouldn't take my money. My dad got it in no problem and he laughed at me.
7. Went down to the mental health building to talk to my old caseworker. She wasn't in.
8. Went to go back down to the mental health building and it was raining (I live close enough to walk but far enough to get soaked to the bone).
9. Went back down at the time the security guard said she'd be back. She told me I had to go through the whole process of being put back into the system.
10. Went to work, first customers I came across were complete idiots (as in the one throwing himself on the floor and causing a scene).

Meh. And now my parents are fighting again and it's really not helping any.

</life story>

I was thinking about it.

Give myself false happiness again (although when I'm out with Shaun, it's true happiness <3).

I used to be so good at ignoring the things that bugged me.

I dunno what happened.