this is long... I hope I can get some advice. thank you so much for reading.

STORY: there's two guys I'm going to bring up. we'll call them Ben and Jerry. I've been in a two year relationship with Ben.. It started out great, and began to get very serious after about a year. My family knows him very well.. his family actually supports us wanting to get married.. I know Ben inside and out from his best to his worst. I can handle him most of the time, but I think it's come to a point where I should put my foot down. Over some time, our relationship began to become shakey. We began going on and off, he'd go off at me about things in the past, held grudges, and lied on various occasions to get what he wants-- which he changed many many times.

This is where Jerry comes in. Over one of Ben and I's ''breaks'', I met Jerry (this is actually about a month back). And as I was getting to know Jerry, I saw that-- unlike Ben, Jerry has his life a little better put together. He knows what he wants, he sticks to his goals, he's well-rounded, and I saw that Jerry definately has admirable qualities that stands out so much to me. Jerry was fully aware that I had feelings for Ben. He also knew the severety of how my life was caught up in Ben's. But Jerry still wanted to take a chance with me and told me how he liked me.. I gave him an ok go, since genuinely, I like Jerry too, and he definately offered more stability then Ben had.

Now this is where it gets complicated. I couldn't just dive into the relationship I had with Jerry. I couldn't offer myself fully because of the extra baggage that Ben had given me.. for example, about two months before Ben and I's last ''break'', Ben proposed to me... so I can't just up and introduce Jerry to my parents saying ''Hey something happened...''.. So... Jerry has his guard up about me because of the slow progress and the feelings that still lingered for Ben (naturally since we'd spent so long together). Honestly, I'd probably have my guard up too in Jerry's situation.... anyways, Ben begins to call me. Five to ten times a day after he finds out I'm trying to move on from him. He calls to ask for me back, saying that he would change etc. etc.. THEN........ Ben calls me... tells me he's coming to my house.. I call up Jerry, tell him what's going on.. Jerry says it's a bad idea, we're going to have problems if i let him in..... and.... stupid as it sounds... I still let him in. I wanted closure. I wanted to make it clear to him that I offered him myself fully and he abused it.. and now he didn't have a chance...... but.. I wasn't prepared for him to make a move on me... and one thing led to another and in my confusion and my reactions to the moment and my emotions-- without thinking, I ended up cheating on Jerry. The moment got so out of hand that I ran the risk of getting pregnant. (No condom, and I'm absolute sure he didn't miss.) Honestly, that was a fuck up. A bad bad bullet I truely wanted to dodge. I never cheated before.. and I thought about not telling Jerry at all.... just move on, forget the whole thing, just change and work on the relationship I have with Jerry and not let Ben get cought up in the middle of it...... but--a trap: with the just the possibility of a child... I had to tell Jerry.

And he was pissed-- state the obvious. He broke up with me, didn't want to talk for a while. Ben won. Ben... in his desparation of getting me back, put me in a situation that trapped me into being with him. I don't think I deserve that. I know Ben was being selfish. And Jerry definately didn't deserve being cheated on (thank heavens, he had his guard up... else he would've been bawling when I told him).

SITUATION: Today Jerry IMs me saying we need to talk..... and I know Jerry well enough to know that whenever there's something serious... he wants to talk alone, in person, calmly, and understandingly. So we do.... and honestly... I think Jerry's crazy. But Jerry said that he was considering forgiving me.. I didn't mean to cheat on him... I didn't have the initial intent to.. and I definately didn't want to risk ruining the relationship.. the counter argument to that is... hey, I should've just taken Jerry's advice and not let Ben in in the first place. Jerry wants me to figure my shit out. But I know what I want.. I want Jerry. But considering what happened, I feel trapped to stay with Ben. I don't really know what to do about that..

First thing's first, I know, am I...? So... when exactly is a good time to take a pregnancy test? Jerry also offers.... that if I am.. he knows it'd be hard on me.. he knows I didn't want to.. and if I choose to.. he knows some people.. But that's kind of scarey, no?

First, with the possible pregnancy, I believe you have to wait about a week after the possible conception, and then the test will work. You might want to wait about a week and a half, or so. You don't want to wait too long, if you do decide that you want to abort the fetus you will want to do so as soon as possible. Its your decision, and even if you do end up with Jerry in the long run, its your possible child. Its your decision. Don't let anyone push you to make a decision that you don't want to make. Keeping the child does not mean that you need to stay with Ben. Yes, he will probably want visitation rights, but thats the only thing you owe him. And if he desires visitation rights, then you need to make it known that he will be paying child support.

B. Yes you should have listened to Jerry, but you did need to talk to Ben. The next time you do talk to Ben, you should do it in a chaperoned environment, so you won't be in such a compromising situation again. If you want to be with Jerry, and not Ben, then be with Jerry. Your parents will understand if you explain the situation out to them. I'm sure they can relate.

I would also avoid contact with Ben, until you feel like you are completely over him.

Yikes, that's quite the dilemma.

Edit:

From what you've written, I get the impression that you're really into Jerry, but you're still really secure in your relationship with Ben. Personally, I think you should start again with Jerry. I don't think you should return to Ben, because that seems to be relying on your insecurities, and I don't think that would be good for you. Although he's a huge part of your life and you know him quite well, there's no denying that if you're interested in someone else, there's no reason for you to continue with him. Contrarily with the cheating on Jerry situation, this is somewhat understandable because you feel back into a sort of "routine" and were caught up in the moment and the situation. You should stay with Jerry because of your loss of interest in Ben. That alone goes to show that the two of you shouldn't get married; that would only cause problems in the future and result in an unfaithful marriage (this is assuming you're wanting a long term relationship of course). Even though he seems to be the best choice, you should also be careful with Jerry because you don't know him as well. Do try to break it off cleanly with either of them, because only then will you be able to move on and get on with your life. And if you turn out to be pregnant, try to make a decision based on your future, not instinct.. That sounds heartless but..

Well, in any case, good luck.

the grass is always greener......

i honestly think you need to take a decent break from both of the guys in order to get your head on straight. put on the brakes for sure.... then slowly date whomever you want... over a LONG period of time. it isn't like you have to make a decision yesterday.

I belive it is 2 weeks after a missed period that you can take a test and get an answer.

As for the 2 guys maybe you should take a break from both until you figure out what you need to be happy?

I agree with previous users, you should take a break. If Jerry is really serious with you, he will wait for you. He will understand that you have to get your head straight and that you need some space (and girl, you really do need some space!). To me it sounds like you didn't have a lot of single time and when people pick one boyfriend after the other then it seems to me that they cannot be alone - they need someone to support them and be there for them and stuff. So it's a question for you: can you be alone? You've been in a long relationship and now you are willing to step into another relationship just a short time after. It doesn't sound right to me. You won't give yourself time to get over Ben, which honestly isn't fair for Jerry. Like I said before, if he likes you he will wait for you.

The whole story gets even more complicated if you turn out to be pregnant, so first take a test and check. There are a bunch of questions waiting for you if you turn out to be pregnant; should you tell Ben, should you keep the baby etc. but those shouldn't concern you right now because you don't know for sure.

Main thing you should do is figure out what you want and with whom you want it. You may now say that you want to stay with Jerry, but you did have sex with Ben - so you should give yourself some time.

And if you decide to go for Jerry, do remember that it takes a long time to really know someone. You guys don't have to get married real soon. It's more important to find a good basis for a marriage :3 love is important yes, but there are other things that do play a role. And if you turn out to be pregnant, then a wedding won't be enough to secure it's safety. You got some thinking to do!

UPDATE: I started my period.. but it's light and not normal. Jerry advised me to still get tested next weekend just to double check. Ben, I haven't heard from since the day of his visit (I can't call him, but he can call me). Jerry's pissed at him. And I am too.

:) Ok, good. I've actually been doing that.. and it's been helping. A lot.

I do take my time, don't worry. I'm not with either of them right now.. Just trying slowly to regain Jerry's trust again. I'm making it a little more evident to Ben that I can't be with him, even if I am preggo. I also kinda started getting into Jerry about a month after Ben last put me ''on hold'' (which he constantly did, and I got tired of being the convienience-girl).. I think that's a good time right, ? Waiting about a month to figure out what you need for yourself? x_x I guess it kinda depends on the person when I say that though.. but I do do a lot of self reflecting.

Like said, it takes a long time to really know someone and find a good basis. I've at least understood that from the start when I was trying to figure out Ben. I'm not really expecting too much from Jerry. In fact, it would be wrong of me to expect anything from him since I don't know him so well. Right now, Jerry just has potential that's caught my eye.

... but yes.. I can be alone. I was never the one who dumped Ben.. Ben was always trying to figure himself out, went back and forth with me, etc. etc. I pretty much knew what I wanted and he definately had a long chance to figure his self out. On our other ''breaks'' I've had other guys.. and girls.. that were interested in me. But.. like I said before, I don't jump into things unless I'm absolute about what I want. So it's not like I'm going after Jerry as a rebound. I could've easily used others to do so, but understood that I wasn't ready for anything even close... I've thought about him very carefully, and he seems to be keeping up with me so far even through my mistake. At least he's patient.

I may have some feelings still for Ben.. but that's only because he is the familiar... -_-; And you have to admit that the familiar is pretty comforting regardless if it's good for you or not. As said.. you become prone to a ''routine''. So... I'm working on.. just.... not falling back into that cycle.