My poem.
Replies
okayy, i was feeling sad yesterday so i decided to write a poem. feedback? comments? enjoyy.
Lucky.
Lucky are my friends with boyfriends galore. And yet im the one that they call the w----. I try my best to be pleasing and non chalant. But thats obviously not what guys want. They want a girl whos pretty and fun. And those assets are already taken by my friends, every one. All throughout elementery school, guys would tease me and taunt Because I just got stuck with the things i dont want. I got stuck with the weight, stuck with the hair. Not Stuck with style in stuff that i wear. Got stuck with the grades one point below best. It would take me forever to name all the rest. I feel so bad walking around as i pass, my friends hugging their boyfriends as i head off to class. I feel so ditched so used and oblong, when they walk inside class like nothing is wrong. But my friends dont know the pain that i feel i just try to hide it, cope with it and deal. I hope one day they will finally see. How im truely lucky, and they're truely like me.
imma powerrrangerr and im scared of clowns and im red. i know that red is a boy, for that is what i said. im always there to rescue those who are in need, lets hope i save your stupid a-- before you start to bleed. cuz if u get blood on me, ill surely beat you up, for imma powerrrangerr and now you know whats up. :p
i really like it. it just comes from the heart (and it rhymes. that takes skill, i usually cant rhyme my poems for s---) i know how that feels tho, for the longest time i felt the same. then i got a boyfriend. then he dumped me because im not cool enough apparently. i feel your pain.
I agree, your poem does come from the heart, and I love the style of it.Something seems off about it though, and I can't place what. I don't know if it's because some of the lines need more syllables or what, but there's something off. Maybe it's because it's straight-forward and that's unusual to me, I'm not a fan of straight-forward poetry (but that's personal opinion).
You had really good rhyme and rhyme scheme. The only thing I really can say is to use proper capitalization and punctuation. And it should be "truly" not "truely".
:)
