So, for clarification of this post, I'm not actually Nathan Explosion (gasp) and also I'm a girl. I've been in a relationship with a guy that I'll call IR for seven years.

And I did the dumbest bitchiest thing last night. We were all drunk- too drunk, hanging out in the pool at a friend's house. And I was trying to get IR's attention, but he was talking to this dude BW, and I kept saying "c'mere," because I wanted him to help me with something and he kept ignoring me. It reminded me of Valentine's Day, when he kind of blew me off because he was helping BW with a horrible breakup. So I sorta sulked for a while, and my friend LM came up to me, asking if I was alright, and I mumbled something so she went over to IR and told him, "Your girlfriend's acting all crazy, you should probably go talk to her." So he said "I'm done chasing after her." I guess that really set me off, because without telling anyone I changed out of my swimsuit, grabbed all my stuff, and left. IR came outside as I was leaving, and I cursed him out so he went back in. He was expecting me to come back and I was expecting him to run after me like he does if we're having an argument.

I didn't have my car and my phone went in the laundry last week so it was fried so I walked home at about 2am without anyone knowing where I was, and I got home at 4 and left IR a voicemail.

Things I didn't know: IR drove his car around completely hammered looking for me, and beat the shit out of his dashboard in the process because he was so mad. He also couldn't find his phone until 11am, so he didn't get my voicemail until then. Another friend of ours rode his bike around looking for me. And I ruined the whole night for everyone.

So I called IR today, and we talked and he's extremely pissed, which I don't blame him for. He doesn't want to talk to me right now and he said he'd call me later. I do stupid selfish irresponsible things when I'm drunk, and I hate doing them. This time I thought it would be better if I left instead of sticking around and saying something I'd regret. I wanted to leave, think things over and calm down, then come back. But by the time I got to my house I was still drunk and angry. The walk didn't change anything.

I tried apologizing to all of my friends, but I'm not sure if they recognize my house number or if they're all still pissed, so I left voicemails. I'm pretty sure everyone's angry at me, and they deserve to be. It's a horrible feeling and I'm shaking because I don't know what I'd do if I lost all of my friends, especially my boyfriend.

How the hell do I make this right?

EDIT: Nobody was mad at me except my boyfriend. And I talked to him today and everything's alright now. To those of you who actually tried to help- thanks. To those of you who came in here purely to pick a fight- go play in traffic. :)

well, shit happens. :/ but this is shit. wow.

i dunno, really. i've been in situations where my friends or boyfriend would be pissed off at me for doing something horrible, but in that case i wouldn't try to bug them and i would just...lay low for a couple of days, a week at the most? let things simmer down, chill out, mellow, whatever.

but to be honest, it just seems like some huge misunderstanding over...uh, nothing? :c i'm sorry to be a tushface, but really. just let things cool off. plus, if they really are your friends and your boyfriend, they'd be willing to forgive you? :/

stop drinking until you are shnockered all the damn time. not only is it immature but clearly it has less than desirable results.

CHARLiEFISH- Yeah, I get that, and I know it was all over nothing. I've just seriously never been in this situation before, where fucking nobody would talk to me. I was already figuring on being invisible until somebody returns my call. And I know that eventually things will be fine and I'll be forgiven but. It just really sucks right now. Thanks.

shatzy- That's obvious. I'd been doing pretty good at drinking but not being hammered for a few months now. Clearly I slipped.

his reaction doesn't give me the impression that this is a slip-up incident.

If you're stupid enough to drink/get drunk in the first place, you deserved everything that you got.

Really all you can do is apologize and hope they forgive you. But, speak to them in person, not over the phone. It'll show them that you mean it.

rashindecisions- I've said several times that I'm not going to drink anymore, and every time I try that somebody talks me out of it. My group of friends gets drunk every weekend, it's what we all do. They're just all much better at it than I am. What I can do is what I've been mostly succeeding to do these few months, and that is just to drink a little but not get smashed.

shatzy- You're missing the part where I said that I've been mostly succeeding in not getting smashed these past few months. I already know that I'm an idiot when I'm hammered, that I often get angry. And a few months back we had a big blow-up argument that I remember nothing about where I said some awful stuff. So I'd been keeping a tight leash on how much I drank. So yeah, I already admitted that I've fucked up before.

Storming- I'm legal to drink. If I could get ahold of anybody so that they'd talk to me in person, I'd apologize in person. But I can't, so I'm working with what I got.

i don't understand. are you wanting opinions and advice about your circumstance or are you wanting to just rehash the OP?

i understand that you are watching your drinking -- but both the valentines incident AND this most recent incident involve heavy drinking. it doesn't matter how long you've been keeping a leash on it to others, it only matters most to you. what people remember are ALL the other times that you are drunk, that you are hostile, that you are unreasonable. you see?

imagine that instead of drinking, you verbally abused everyone. and you did it so often that they were questioning your friendship. so you decide to watch yourself and really try to do better -- and you do for a few months. but then you slip up. do you seriously think that your friends are going to remember all the weeks you've been good over all the months you've been mean?

that is my point.

One, I wanted to talk about what happened. Two, I wanted advice on how to make that right. Which is what I asked.

I wasn't asking for "You drink, you lose," kinds of posts. Because it really doesn't help.

Valentine's incident did not involve drinking. What literally happened on VDay was, I got blown off by my boyfriend so he could hang out with a guy (BW) whose girlfriend had just dumped him horribly. So the fact that last night my bf was ignoring me so that he could explain to BW that everyone was mad at him for some drama that happened two weeks ago, reminded me of that and is what started my anger. There WAS another incident where I said mean things to the bf, but again, that was a couple months ago.

And actually, the hostility while drunk tends to be directed towards the boyfriend, in private arguments that don't involve other people, and nobody else is aware of.

I don't mean to be 'rehashing' but clearly I needed to explain some things further. This is a life, it's kind of hard to sum things up neatly.

So no, the majority of the time that I've been hostile has been towards the boyfriend. The majority of time spent with the boyfriend is when I'm sober. In seven years of a relationship, it's only been the past year and a half where I've started to get irritable every once in a while when I get hammered- NOT constantly explosive, just irritable and a few blow-ups. It's been a shitty year due to circumstances unrelated to drinking, so those emotions carrying over to drinking doesn't exactly surprise me.

I'm not gonna say "you drink, you lose" because I actually think it's a cheap way of explaining an action. There's often more to it than that.

I'm more concerned with your relationship, sounds like you've been fighting a lot lately? I understand that you got disappointed at Valentines day, but it was still a nice gesture of him to help his friend, wasn't it?

Maybe you two should sit down and talk things through when your boyfriend has calmed down. Work the shit out together.

Okay, so, basically what you're saying is that you were mad that he didn't hang out with you on Valentines day because he was trying to help his friend out? He was HELPING HIS FRIEND. It's not like he was out with some other girl or anything. If your boyfriend broke up with you (which he might if you get sloshed again and act like an idiot), you'd probably want one of your friends to be there for you regardless of what day it was.

Who gives a damn if he was trying to explain something to his friend? It is, after all, his friend. If you can't handle that, then you've got some problems that you should probably evaluate. It's not like he's gay or anything and is hitting on this guy. He probably still loves you, but his comment about not chasing after you makes sense. If I was dating a guy (I'm a girl) who got drunk and pitched a fit because I wasn't paying attention to him, then I wouldn't chase after him. There's a difference between caring about someone and wanting them to be glued to you all day every day.

I'm having a hard time finding sympathy for you especially since you're saying that you're 'getting better' at not being drunk. A bit of advice, don't drink period. I don't CARE if your friends are always getting drunk every weekend. If you don't want these things to happen, then don't drink. Easy as that.

Also, just because you wanted to vent or whatever doesn't mean that we should have to keep ourselves from telling you our opinions. :/ If you didn't want opinions, then you should have made a journal. Just because people aren't telling you what you want to hear and coddling you about your situation doesn't give you the right to tell us that we shouldn't be speaking our minds. We're giving you advice that you just don't want to hear.

Nilfy- I did, and everything's okay now. Thanks for the concern. :)

the_ebil_fuzz- I'm not being hostile towards any of you, I'm just explaining myself and the situation and what was going through my head at the time. I didn't tell you you couldn't have an opinion. At the same time, if you give crappy advice I don't have to take it. And I can tell you I'm not going to. Really though, there was mostly no advice given in this thread, just judgemental opinions. You can have whatever opinion you want, but it doesn't pass as advice. "Don't drink. Ever," doesn't qualify as advice. It just shows ignorance of the situation.

As far as the VDay thing, the explaining, etc etc I am well aware of the fact that I was being selfish. This is not news. I'm well aware of the fact that I screwed up. You telling me that I screwed up when in fact it says in the subject "I fucked up," doesn't help either.

So if you're not giving advice, and your opinions are nothing but negative, and yet you're posting in my thread, you are clearly only here to pick a fight. Sure I expected some of that, I mean it's the internet and all. Most of the online community just lives to get pissy at someone else through a screen. Still. That's extremely stupid.