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Jun 24, 2009 16 years ago
Shadowcritter
is a tomb raider
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hi guys cause I ask you a major favor. i would really like to know what you think of the pet description of my pets Alayla Atalante Cyrillos Mooney Sofronio (the descriptions are short so no worries, and you don't have to read all of course haha) please help cause I could do with some improvement of my writing skill

Jun 25, 2009 16 years ago
The Helper
Echo_818
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Eh, what can I say? ^_^; They're pet descriptions. You're giving their personalities without going into too much detail.

If anything, they're nicely written, with good grammar and word usage, and they're not terribly cliche, though not detailed.

It's a good summary of the pet's personalities in a few words.

Jun 28, 2009 16 years ago
Shadowcritter
is a tomb raider
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thanks. yeah i haven't really had the time to properly write them haha :) glad they aren't cliche haha

Jun 29, 2009 16 years ago
Appleh
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Yeah, Ravel's pretty much summed it up. They're good pet descriptions, but nothing super special. If I were you, I'd add a little bit of mystery to them.

Jun 30, 2009 16 years ago
Shadowcritter
is a tomb raider
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ok, ty for the advice ^^

Jul 3, 2009 16 years ago
The Adventures of
chronikle
and Pete
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Cosmograph

On Alayla's description, perhaps "The ocean she is most fond lies between Sargath and Zarkiossa" should be "The ocean she is most fond of lies between Sargath and Zarkiossa"?

You seem to have missed a word out on Atalante's, as well: "If you're on her good side, will kill/die for you, but if you're on her bad side, she'll kill you." should be "If you're on her good side, she will kill/die for you, but if you're on her bad side, she'll kill you.", I think?

There's a couple of periods missing on the other pages, but aside from those they're all decently written for short pet profiles. They say what needs to be said.

well, what's wrong with a little destruction?

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