I need to vent about some things. If I sound like an idiot, I'm sorry I'm drinking right now.

I've known my boyfriend since I was 13 years old, I'm 22 now. We've been living together since last December. Since we've been living together, he has cheated on me with an underage girl (he was 19, she was 15), flirted with several girls, and dealt with a porn addiction.

I've caught him talking to the girls who he watches in porn. A few days ago I caught him talking to the underage girl who he cheated on me with on a troll account that he has me blocked on. Until recently we've been using the same phone, and I won't allow him on my laptop for obvious reasons. I've been thinking about putting a keylogger on the computer.

We argue too much and I'm starting to lose faith in our relationship despite the fact that he cries and apologizes and tells me that things are gonna change. How am I supposed to believe him when the same stuff keeps happening over and over again? My trust builds up only to be smashed months later, again.

He blames the flirting and porn addiction on his lack of real relationships. He has had more online relationships than real life ones. And he's not used to commitment because before me he never wanted to settle down with anyone. There was never anyone that he cared about as much as me.

I don't want to leave him. I'm not ready for that. So don't tell me that I need to end things because It's not going to happen, call me a fool if you wish. Just give me some advice that doesn't include leaving him.

You don't have to leave him, but you do need to give him an ultimatum; stop talking to the underaged girl or you will report him. That is incredibly serious, it is statutory rape. Furthermore, he needs to seek treatment (therapy) for his problems before those problems give you problems like trust issues, etc.

I agree with what has said and will advise you to indeed make it known to him you know about the underaged girl and have no issues reporting him. Be firm and don't back down. In all honesty I feel you ought to report him on it already but it's hard to do I know. I myself had to report my ex roomie because I found out he was with and 8th grader when he's 21... and it was hard to do at first but I knew it was the right thing because a girl THAT young shouldn't be getting tangled up with an adult. Also are you really willing to be with someone who has no issues being with a minor? What happens when he's 30 if he isn't caught by then?

As for the addiction to porn my guy has the same issues and I'm finally at the point with it either it's me or the porn he can't have both. Not with the self esteem and relationship issues it's produced to me in the past and yes he does know about the issues I have with it. If you haven't brought it up to him maybe discussing it beyond a I don't like it stance can help. So far it seems telling my man I'd leave him and how it's given me trouble in the past and I won't stand for it he seems to get it. But it is still an addiction so some help in figuring out why its got such a hold on him or what he's even watching. I get it sometimes there's things people want to try and are afraid to ask a partner but I'd rather be a tad nervous/ embarrassed asking and communicating with my partner than turning to porn, even more so if I know it hurts/ extremely bothers them. So it could be any silly reason as not talking to you about what he wants to try to a serious one. Finding a place to talk to someone can help but only if he's on board and truly wants to change.

As for him saying he wants to settle down with you and cares. So far from what I read his actions don't seem to say what his words say. I also had an issue with my man regarding his word but his was more of a keep your promises thing and not a cheating and flirting thing. So I understand how you finally believe them only to have something stupid happen that reveals the lies. Does he actually TRY to change what he does or does he just cover tracks until he gets lazy about it? I also feel it's BS to blame the internet for his lack of interest in being with you. There's TONS of men who use the internet for porn or even flirting but will drop it once they even think they have half of a shot with a real person. Don't let him pull that one on you because the more times you believe it the more he's gonna do it until he blames YOU for his lack of interest in you.

Also what is the arguing over? Is it big things like the cheating or small things that you guys get worked up over and then take it out on each other? If it's the small things it's easy to fix, taking steps such as reckonising it's being irritated and it blows up from there simply try to remove yourself and let things calm down. If it's the bigger things then finding out what causes it to be worth a fight over a serious talking to about how x event still bugs you, and sometimes the bigger things are things we simply can't put away and does result in worse things.

Communication is key in any relationship. Talking about what is seen as cheating, what bugs you about specific things and anything in between is important to having a better relationship overall. Something we let eat at us can be a simple misunderstanding/ miscommunication.

I know you said you've known your boyfriend since you were 13, but how long have you two actually been in a relationship? I had a friend that was in a similar situation. She had a boyfriend who said he loved her, meanwhile she caught him cheating on her with another girl. He cried about it and apologized and promised it would never happen again. Then not long afterwards she found out he was still hanging out with that girl and inviting her to watch movies with him on his bed at night.....He was just a compulsive liar that would say anything and even though he did care about my friend he didn't care enough about her to be committed to her. It was really hard for her in the beginning to let him go. She did break up with him but continued to be friends until she was able to move on. It sounds like he's not ready to be in a committed relationship and you're the one that's going to keep getting hurt. It sounds like he's making up excuses for it and doesn't try to fix things. People won't change unless they really set their mind to it and decide to try. I know you said you're not ready to break up with him, but he's going to continue doing all these things and you need to decide if this is something you can live with. It may even be helpful to take a break, it could be like a wake up call for him to change and know that you're serious.

Also none of this is your fault so don't get down on yourself. Just remember in the end it's ultimately your decision how to live your life, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I have to say I agree with everything said. Either he has a real problem with quitting cheating and porn and therefore might need professional help, or he just doesn't care enough. If you have been together for longer than since last December, do you know whether he cheated on you back when you weren't living together? Has this been going on longer? In my opinion, saying that one is not used to commitment is bullshit and just a way to buy himself some more time to not deal with the real issues. Actions are far more important than words - he needs to actually DO something about changing things, not just cry about it when he's caught doing the wrong thing.

Also, think of the reasons why you want to stay with him. Do you still love him? Or are you with him out of habit, or because there's no one better available right now? Do you feel you don't deserve better? You're still young, are you prepared to put up with his behavior for years to come? After all, these are the best years of your life (in a way), and you probably don't want to look back on your life regretting that you wasted time on someone who treated you badly. Just some food for thought, not anything you need to answer here unless you want to. And I'm also not saying you need to break up with him, even if it sounds like that. I just think that if one is in a relationship, it should be a happy one. :)

Cheating for me is a deal breaker, so if I was in your situation, yes, I would be dumping him. For non-dumping advice though, I think You_Tell_Me's advice about giving him an ultimatum is reasonable. You deserve someone who will be faithful to you, and also someone who you don't have to worry about getting charged with statutory rape.

I wont say break up with him, especially since in my past I stayed with some one who was pretty much the same way for almost six years.

If it doesn't stop though, you're gonna have to come to terms that's who he is. People don't really change if they don't believe they have to and even then sometimes they just put on a mask and tell you what they think you want to hear.

Do what you think is best but take care of yourself too. As of right now he has the control. He knows that all he has to do is cry and say he's sorry and there wont be any real consequences. You're becoming his door mat by taking him back every time. It's an abusive relationship.

Give it time, give it chances, but if things don't change don't let it rule you. It took a long time to leave my ex, longer to get over him. Hell I even crawled back apologizing at some point even though he was in the wrong, but moving on is possible. I'm not telling you you have too. Just don't lower your worth by wasting time on some one who doesn't care enough about how you feel to change.

I'm not saying break up with him, but why are you putting up with this? The second he broke his promise about not doing it again, you should've been right there with an ultimatum.

There is absolutely zero reason you should be putting up with his behavior, even if you still love him. You have feelings too, and it's perfectly reasonable for wanting him not to do this stuff.

Put your foot down. Tell him you won't put up with this anymore. He needs to make some changes. Not in the future, but now. If you're going to keep this relationship, then yeah...

The fact that he slept with a 15 year old and you're still dating him is terrifying to me, to be honest. That is statutory RAPE. She is under the age of consent. She is a CHILD, and he took advantage of her. 15 year olds do not know better, they are not completely developed yet, and they do not have the better judgment in this situation. He sounds like he needs to be reported, to be honest, so he doesn't take advantage of other younger girls. is absolutely right that you need to tell him that if he doesn't stop talking to her, you will report him. You clearly have enough evidence to do so.

It sounds like he's extremely manipulative and he's taking advantage of you. It sounds like he's finding scapegoats for all of his problems- he's blaming the young girl because he hasn't had a "real relationship", which is bullshit because he IS in a current relationship with YOU. Not being able to commit, only dating online girls, etc. are all just loads of excuses and unfortunately you keep buying every one of them. How do you know that he didn't cheat before you two lived together? How do you know that he won't date girls who are younger than this one? Young girls unfortunately are easy targets for older guys who seem charming and caring. They do not know better, but he definitely does.

As far as porn goes, what kind is he watching? I think it's important for you to look into this- if he's interested in younger girls, his porn tastes will surely reflect that. If he's interested in underage or very young girls then I think you might have a much bigger problem on your hands. As far as other porn goes, I think you should sit down and talk to him and try and find out what he likes so much in porn that he can't get from you. If it's truly an addiction though, then he needs professional help and you should encourage him to get that help.

he didn't actually sleep with her. it was an online relationship. did he see her on webcam? yes. but he never did anything else with her. and yes, he did cheat on me before we started living together. but he's two years younger than me. i was 18 when he was 16 and i was still talking sexual with him, so does that make me a bad person? so it's honestly not surprising that he has flirted with girls because he's young and wishes he didn't have to settle down so early.

and he hasn't talked to her since then. he blocked her and we had a discussion about our relationship. i told him things aren't going to work out if he doesn't start treating me better and respecting me more.

and as far as porn, he keeps that private from me, but i have seen some of it and none of the girls have been underage. there was one site i found that he looks at where the girls look like teens and i told him to stop looking at it. he said he has only looked at it twice and wouldn't look at it anymore.

Hun AGE has NOTHING to do with cheating. Immaturity? Yes. KNOWING what you'll be doing is hurtful and have the ability to quit and still do it anyway? No, not age restricted at all.

And his even communicating with this under aged girl can land him in jail if anything even remotely sexual was ever said. Be it from her or him he WILL be considered in possession of child porn since porn isn't limited to just images anymore. So his age has VERY little if anything to do with his actions.

Also if he feels so pressured to be tied down he's NOT going to change. Or if he makes it work NOW years later he's likely to re-engage in immature behaviour because he didn't "get" his younger party/ care free freedom and will find ways to do it.

Honestly I wouldn't call this relationship worth much. My last one I ended when i sat back and wrote a completely honest list of pros/ cons of my relationship and the person I was with. The cons list won by far. So I took time to think it over and realized I had WASTED time with someone who only wanted me in the end to be a live in baby sitter. He wouldn't have me over if I was on my period, would suddenly stop texting me when I asked to hang out with him, I only met his kids 3 times in the three years I was with him. He wants his life to be a big party train revolving around pot and music and the whole selling and trying to make clients to buy his pot. He was paranoid to the max, to the point when my friend stopped at his place to try and get him to talk to me he almost shot her simply because he thought she was there to steal his pot/money. Wouldn't allow me to tell anyone but my dad when I went to see him know that's where I was, that even saying what part of town he lived in was "too much info for people". Pretty much he wanted me to take care of the house and kids part while he got to do whatever he wanted. Highly sure he was cheating when at points it'd be MONTHS between me seeing him and at times days or a week before finally getting ahold of him and he always had some excuse.

I think you may need to do this for yourself as well it is tough but helps you realize what is good and bad. With my current man his pro list greatly outweighs the con.

How does he treat your friends and family? That too can be a big teller in how he is as a person. If he wants nothing to do with them then I'd turn around and leave no matter the time invested.

That's good he didn't actually sleep with her... but it still makes me wonder what has been done/said on webcam. It's terrible that he cheated on you before you two lived together... if you weren't dating yet, that's one thing because it's not necessarily cheating, but if he knew he was committed to you and cheated anyway just because he didn't live with you, then ugh... he seems to have no moral conscience. And like said, even communicating and exposing himself, etc. to an underage girl on webcam can still land him in a lot of trouble. When you're 19, (assuming) out of high school, and still talking to young girls in high school, I do see that as a problem. I don't think you're necessarily a bad person for talking sexual to him when he was only 16. You should look into "Romeo and Juliet clauses", in certain states an age gap of 2-3 years is allowed if one person is a minor. I'm not 100% well-versed on the laws but in my opinion even 1 year of maturity when you're a young teen makes a big difference.

I'm also going to call a load of bull on the "he doesn't want to settle down so young" thing. If he truly loves you, wants to be with you, and sees a future with you, he would be able to commit himself only to you. If he wants his freedom so badly, he should at least be able to sit down and talk to you about taking a break, or perhaps exploring an open relationship so you can both get physical with other people, or just break up with you until he's explored all of the girls he wants to explore.

It's unfair to you because it seems like he wants the best of both worlds- he wants to talk to and online date whoever he wants, but he likes knowing you'll always be there as his cozy back-up plan. My boyfriend and I started dating when we were both young as well, 17 and 18, and now we're 21 and 22. 4 years is really, really hard, especially when you're a teenager. Hormones are insane and wanting to date other people DOES happen, so I can completely understand him being scared of commitment, but being scared enough to cheat means he's well aware of how he's taking advantage of you.

I agree again with that perhaps a pro-and-cons list is in order. Personally I don't think I could salvage a relationship like this since he might need professional care, but if you are up for it and see worth in him, then it's up to you to make sure that you make your expectations really clear and give him an ultimatum. Good luck to you!

we have discussed an open relationship. he doesn't want me to be with other people. we've also discussed threesomes where he has no contact with the other woman, i don't want that. we've discussed taking a break and neither of us want that.

he tells me that he wishes he could do those things, but that he's willing to put them to the side because he cares about me more. he said as long as i accept that he wants those things and not judge him for it, he'll accept that those things won't happen.

but i'm trying to be more open to other things, such as watching porn as a couple. and i've thought about going to a strip club or something like that. but i always wonder if that's just gonna make him want more, instead of appreciating what he has and me being more open.

now as for what happened with them on webcam, he never showed her anything. but she did show him things. he says he regrets it and he feels like a pedophile because of it.

and i told him that night. if he talks to her again, i'm leaving.

Uhh I don't see you judging him for his desires at all. Unless you've called him things that aren't nice and had a fight over it... seems AGAIN he's trying to get the best of both. HE gets to do what HE wants even if it's just watching clips despite how it makes YOU feel. That's not fair, you currently have an issue with trusting him and know he's most likely addicted to porn/sex and has BLAMED THE INTERNET for his lack of connecting with you. He WANTS to think about and engulf himself in these ideas of things he WANTS and would do /IF/ he wasn't with you, but oh no if you get touched by/ think of anyone else all hell goes nuts? Double standard going on there.

You guys will need to sit down and make boundaries TOGETHER that both agree upon. Even if some of them are temporary until you CAN trust him fully again and repair what you guys have. As time goes by talk about changing those boundaries. As for porn, I feel since it bothers/ hurts you to think he wants it over you a person he can ACTUALLY touch and be with, you guys need to discuss that heavily. Maybe figure out somewhere to start together and set rules like maybe he can watch/ look x times a week alone or for every time he watches it alone he needs to watch/ do something with you? You pretty much need to get his focus to include YOU more and the internet less and by making such rules together it CAN help. And again as time goes on you guys can talk about changing things on it.

I'd skip any skin bars for now. You KNOW he's cheated and have a concern, very rightfully so, on if he has addiction/ issues keeping his own word. Going to a skin bar is more likely to trigger him spending more money and maybe trying to hook up with them because now he KNOWS them and isn't limited to screen only contact. And again reeks of him getting things HE wants while making you feel bad/ not heard.

At this point it's all baby steps and going in it TOGETHER or not at all. It's unfair to be in a double standards relationship like this. HE gets and gets and gets and then brushes you off/ gets mad at the mere thought of anyone seeing/ doing to you what HE'S doing to/ with the other girls. If he won't change it's a trapped cycle then and it's either feel like this or end it when it's clear he's not changing and go find things for you in the world. Even being alone and happy with what you do in life means more than a man who is only out for his own selfish desires and zero consideration for his partner.

He very obviously doesnt respect you and takes you for granted. I wont say dump him though if you hadn't added that stipulation it would invariably be exactly what I'd suggest. So barring that, This is what you need to do.

You need to see someone and work on building your own self esteem. The fact that you are allowing someone to disrespect your relationship, and -you- so much, and your unwillingness to leave this clearly unhealthy situation just screams insecurity. You seem like a very nice person but you might be devaluing yourself immensely here.

Speaking from experience sometimes it's more comfortable to stick with the misery we know than stepping away from it because everything beyond that is unknown and scary and we worry we'll never be able to find someone else or move beyond the love we felt for that person, however sometimes love isnt enough, sometimes it's not reciprocated to the extent that it needs to be, and sometimes the healthiest thing to do is take a step back and figure out -why we are sticking around- in something that is toxic, when better things could be coming our way.