okay so i dont know if this belongs here? sorry ^_^;

but okay so i'm taking a gap year, all my friends are at uni (bar like one....who i literally never talk to now but thats a whole different thing altogether) and im working but i'm not too close to my work colleagues.

anyway, ages ago. like literally at the beginning of the year this guy followed me on twitter and finally in september we like met, but it was just a quick "hi hello yes!!!" because i was out with my friends, he was out with his. and after that we just started talking a lot. i've met up with him and his friends a couple times and they are lovely people. i'm trying to make new friends because if i'm honest i'm pretty lonely rn ^_^; but he's just come out of a messy relationship (he hated her, he cheated on her, loads of his friends totally hate him now) and he's pretty much told me that i'm his "dirty little secret". i really like him. and last saturday i met said ex girlfriend (for some reason they still talk) and she basically ripped me to shreds which was super cute. i ended up going back to his friends house with him and a few others. and it was just so weird? they're all heavy drug users (i'm not against drugs, but i've never done anything other than like weed) and they fuck about with hard drugs. anyway, me and this guy sleep together at this persons house n shit goes down.

and like. firstly, i really like this guy but i havent really heard from him the past week or so and i dont want to be needy but i'm just stupidly worried that maybe he just doesnt care about me anymore? or that i made an absolute idiot out of myself or something? like i dont know what to do. i cant straight up text him "hi hello yes do you hate me or?" like i might be looking into things too much? :s

(also is it weird that im freaking out about how he might still like his ex girlfriend or whatever? and that im literally just a play thing for him?)

also this sounds pathetic. but i just want friends? like im not against drugs, but these people literally take meth and cocaine and im just not comfortable with doing that. but i feel like i need to like do shit like that if i want to be accepted?

this all sounds so stupid omg but i cant talk to anyone about this and im just keeping it all in and im just working myself up with worry and thinking about every single thing ive done etc :(

You need to stay away from these people. Getting involved with drugs if you want to and are curious about it is one thing, but doing it to fit into a group just never works. They will think of you as a "poser" and while they may seem to accept you to your face, behind your back they will be laughing and trying to see just how far they can make you do things you aren't comfortable with to keep 'fitting in.' These people aren't your friends and never will be.

Making friends outside of school/workplace isn't easy. But you have to approach it from the other direction - here you are meeting someone and then trying to becoming interested in what they like. You should be looking at doing things you like doing and meet people at those events - that way you already have a starting point. Take a look at your hobbies, interests, etc and see what's happening in your area in those regards. For example, do you like reading/collecting comics? Is there a comic con in your area? Other ways is to look for a community billboard website and take a look at upcoming events. Something might spark your interest. Another option is volunteering. Its a great way to meet people.

The thing is to meet people you have to put yourself out there, risk rejection and awkward moments. Its not easy, but it can be very rewarding.

"dirty little secret" "(also is it weird that im freaking out about how he might still like his ex girlfriend or whatever? and that im literally just a play thing for him?)" "they're all heavy drug users and they love about with hard drugs these people literally take meth and cocaine"

You owe yourself better. Don't settle for this loser.

yeah i see where you're coming from. but like it sounds so stupid but i just want friends?? its kinda like ive settled for these people because theyre the first ones to come around? and i dont want to seem like an absolute dick in front of them. like when i went round his friends house they were like taking drugs then and i was like wat??? and the guy that i have a weird thing with was like whats up? and you know when you just feel people judging you for coming from a completely different background? like we have a lot in common but theres just some things that i'm just not comfortable with and some of the shit i just didnt agree with. like i'm not from the richest background, and these people are literally loaded and one of the girls was basically judging like...poorer people? i didn't really know what to say like i just liked the idea of having people to hang out with. the more i talk about them the more i realise that these people really aren't that great, but yeah i just wanted new friends and its like i found a group of people that didnt mind me hanging out with them and ive just grown attached and worried that they hate me?

thank you tho. i used to volunteer at this museum in town, but the other volunteers were just retired people who needed to keep themselves busy. i volunteered there because i needed something interesting to put on my personal statement for uni ^_^; i shall look into volunteering again tho. idk it sucks because like my best friend completely ditched me and i try with her and she just ignores my texts and stuff and i dont want to spend my gap year lonely!!! :(

thanks? ^_^; no but seriously thank you. this is like the first time i've ever done anything like this with anyone. like i've never felt so attached to someone before even tho like some of the shit he does is toxic. like ive never been in a relationship or anything like that so like the majority of my thinking is like "yes you have someone whos paying attention to you!" and then i just think about like the negatives and i start worrying if i actually mean fuck all to him and if hes actually a decent person. like my issue is that i know that everyone is like "ditch him" but i know that if he text me after a week of not talking to me, asking if i wanted to go out, i know i wouldn't even hesitate. do i sound stupid? idk i'm so confused n scared n worried weh :(

Do you have any travel plans for your gap year? I've met some amazing people abroad. Seek out the kinds of people you want to surround yourself with. Be proactive about going out, especially during the day when you have free time. Meeting people isn't easy but you'd be surprised once you put yourself out there among like-minded people. ^_^

If this guy truly cares for you he'll show it even if he doesn't necessarily say so right away. Just be wary of his intentions and maybe try to spend time with him away from his toxic friend group (if he is actually a person worth being around)? Ask yourself, do you really like him or did you like the attention from him?

noo i dont :( the only reason why i took a gap year is because i couldnt afford uni this yr. we just moved house so my parents couldnt give me any money, and i didnt have a job because i was too focused on my studies. so at the moment im just working a tedious retail job (that pays well mind you), saving up until next september when i head off to uni. this sounds weird but i was thinking about lurking in the library in my free time during the day because at the moment all i do is sit around and watch day time tv!!! no fun :(

yeah. like his intentions are one of the main things that are worrying me. i overthink everything and it seems stupid but i just think about how like hes never without his friends? like every time ive met up with him he has his friends with him. i dont know how to do this kind of stuff and its overwhelming me wehh :(

They're the dicks not you. I've been friends with people who were into drugs when I wasn't and they never made me feel like I had to join in, or looked down on me because I preferred not to do drugs.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but better for you to feel lonely than to hang around with this bunch.

As for your stint volunteering, that was good start even though it didn't fit for you. You probably won't find what you're looking for right away, but volunteering, and joining in other activities may at least help you keep busy enough that you won't notice as much how lonely you are. Then, hopefully before you know it, you will start to develop a few healthy friendships.

Getting attention from a guy can feel pretty heady, but it really doesn't sound like you like the guy that much. Sounds like the idea of a relationship and getting attention has more value than the guy. I would say keep it casual, especially in your own head. No need to ditch the guy if you're having fun, but don't let him take over your life.

yeah idk they kept talking about taking drugs and i just sat there like "all ive done is weed" and i felt so lame. and honestly thinking about it, it just sounds kinda fucking stupid that i thought i was lame for not doing heavy drugs. but yeah.

thank you for your advice ^_^ i'll look into other volunteering opportunities or something. just anything to feel my free time. like i said all i do during the day is watch day time television. its not that fulfilling. it just sucks tho because i thought i'd be with my best friend this year and we'd do loads of stuff together but quite literally its like since everyone has gone to uni shes decided to just take the opportunity and not bother with any of us. even me and im not even at uni yet!!!!

yeah i mean. i don't know. the attention is great. like really great. but i do quite like him. like we text each other for a while before actually meeting each other and it was nice. but its kinda like ive only just properly realised what im getting into and its freaking me out. especially when i think about his intentions or w/e.

but like i dont want him to take over my life, a previously mentioned best friend has her whole life wrapped around her relationship and its fucking annoying, but it just feels like at the moment he is? like every thought i have is about him. be it how nice seeing him was, or worrying about i actually mean anything to him, or overthinking every little action and worrying if he thinks im a dick. idk it just feels so scary to be in this kind of situation because im just not used to it??