Granted, but then you eat to much without knowing it and explode.

I wish I had a well-paying job that I enjoy doing, with great benefits, a nice boss, and great coworkers too.

Granted, but they are actually dogs and you have to do everything at work because dogs don't have thumbs.

I wish this week would go by faster! D:

Granted. The week just flies by, and you spent it doing fun stuff...but something is due at work or school at the end of the week, and you haven't even started it!

I wish my parents would like my boyfriend better.

Done, but in order to do so your boyfriend completely changes and spends his days washing your parents' feet.

I wish I was a bazillionaire.

Granted, but it turns out the money was stolen and you have to spend life in jail.

I wish for true happiness.

The problem is, you're a maniac and your idea of true happiness is at my feet. Wish Granted!

I wish for a pair of scissors.

granted, but you run with them and stab yourself in the eye.

i wish for better lip salve.

Granted. But your lip salve is made out of fetus.

I wish my arm would stop hurting.

Granted! It falls off so you don't feel it at all! Although, now you have a new pain...

I wish I was better at bowling.

Granted, however you eventually get so good at bowling that all your friends stop hanging out with you and your parents insist they "don't know who you are anymore".

I wish I could eat all day and not get fat. :x

Granted- but then you die because you can't absorb anything and starve. I wish my back wasn't being a bitch.

Granted- but because you fall in a coma and can't feel anything.

I wish for crumpets.

Wish granted! You receive 250-year-old crumpets! :D

I wish my cat would cuddle me more.

Granted! Your cat grabs you and will never let go. She will cling to you for eternity.

I wish for a world without starvation.

Granted! People are killed off so there is no issues with hunger because there are less remaining.

I wish that everyone I love is always happy.

Granted, except that one person. They're kind of odd.

I wish I had a Dr. Pepper right now.

Granted but it turns out it has a bomb in it.

I wish my TV would work.

Granted, but the only shows that are working are 90s sitcom reruns.

I wish.... Bean was terrified of Storm.

Granted. But then he was brainwashed by a puppy and forgot about his fear.

I wish it was 3:10 already so I could go home.