Granted, but now you're so strong that you break everything you touch.

I wish I had a bigger house.

Granted, but it's so big you get lost and nobody can find you.

I wish I was better at coding.

Granted, but now every computer you touch crashes.

I wish my granddaughter wasn't moving so far away.

Granted, but now she's moving in with you indefinitely instead.

I wish I wasn't lactose intolerant.

granted, now you can eat any and all dairy products...but you're allergic to every other food.

I wish I could eat dim sum every day.

Granted, but they are always overcooked

I wish I could teleport

Granted, but you never teleport to anyplace you want to be.

I wish I could eat anything I want to.

[] sure! but you won't taste a thing.

i wish my mobile phone actually worked properly, so i didn't have to send it away for repairs.

granted it works perfectly, but all the cell towers get a nasty virus from your phone and it takes months to find and eradicate it.

I wish I had a self-cleaning house.

your house will be so clean, but it chatters away to itself 24/7, and it's a setting you can't turn off or turn down.

i wish my cats could talk

Granted, but all they do is complain at you.

I wish that I lived in Scotland.

Granted, but you wind up in the medieval era instead of the modern.

I wish that I could get a full night's rest.

Granted, but you are forcibly relocated to Reykjavik where full night currently lasts for 0.00 hours. By August 16 you should be getting a few minutes of "night".

I wish I could live in Iceland, but with all the amenities I enjoy in my mid-sized city.

Granted, but you have to live by the side of an active volcano

I wish I was ambidextrous

granted, but then your life becomes an unending series of indecisiveness and clumsiness because you simply can't decide with hand to use for every task you perform. Even something as simple as brushing your teeth becomes torturous because you hesitate deciding which had to grab your brush and toothpaste. Then because you're thinking about it, you squeeze the toothpaste tube too hard and have to clean up the paste that's squirted everywhere. But you can't decide which hand to use to grab the rag...and on and on.

I wish I had a time machine.

Granted, but it has a mind of it's own and won't take you where you're trying to go. Instead, it takes you to dangerous times and places.

I wish that it rained every day,

granted, but water undermines the foundation of your dwelling and it sinks underground.

I wish I wasn't such a picky eater.

granted, now you will eat literally everything - unable to stop yourself you eventually eat your family

I wish I had a cool hat

here you go Made of ice, very cool!

I wish I had all the new tot and pumpkin patch items already.

Granted, but they have a 12 hour 'shelf life'.

I wish I had free high speed internet for 5 years