It really DOES suck to have to bury things inside ourselves, and ultimately it's not good for our emotional health, but I'm not saying that burying things is bad, I certainly have enough stuff that I'm trying to bury. It's just that it tends to start eating away at you after years and years. So, I'm very sorry that your mom is like that and you're having to bury things.

I'm almost 60 and I have so much stuff buried that sometimes I think I don't know who I am anymore. Just a little while ago I woke up and it was 11:30 PM (here) and soon after I awoke the date changed to 12/28 and I kept thinking that it was a HUGELY significant date, but it took me an HOUR to remember. Thirty five years ago, I got married on this date. That seems like a million lifetimes ago. Since then I've been in long term relationships with women--after a 9 yr marriage and then a year of dating more men.

Then, I went back to being in relationships with men (after 12 yrs of women) and I've become a widow of a man I wasn't legally married to. It will be 3 yrs on Jan. 8th since Joe died. And later that year, in Oct of 2012, the man I married 35 yrs ago today also died. At least he was somewhat older, but still young in my mind, he was 70. Joe was only 55. Life just keeps comin' at ya.

I'm very tired of life and the thought of "celebrating" my 60th birthday in June just scares me. I used to LOVE my birthdays, I was born on the summer solstice. People say that you're as young as you feel and I do NOT feel young.

There's also a user who has a signature that says: "life has no limitations other than the ones we make." I have SUCH an urge to let her know how naive that is. But it's not my place. I probably thought that at one time too, but we cannot control things such as being born with diseases that limit us and we can't control the death of our loved ones.

We CAN change our attitudes (about anything actually) about how we feel about losing a loved one, but I challenge anyone to just "walk away" unscathed from losing (in less than 3 yrs) the four people they were closest to in their life (and two of those 4 being intimate relationships) and to just say "well life has no limitations, I just put those there with how I THINK about it" is purely naive.

I KNOW what that quote means, it means that we can deal with ANYTHING if we just change our minds. I thought I had things pretty worked out by the time I was 35, and thought I knew how to cope with anything. I thought I had become a master of changing my attitude, but I hadn't dealt with death. There's nothing that prepares a person for THAT.

And I don't think losing anyone is as shocking as losing the person you share your life with the way you do a spouse/partner/lover. My best friend died 2 yrs before Joe and she was MUCH more of a sister to me than anyone could have been, and I thought THAT was as bad as things could get.

I'm sure I've talked about this stuff before, but my brain has NO ability to remember what I've said previously and no desire to read through all my other comments. I guess if I'm repeating myself it's cause I need to keep talking about it until I don't anymore.

Well, I've recently been diagnosed as bipolar (on top of my physical disability, now I have a more solid answer to my emotional problems, and I agree with the diagnosis) and I'm taking lithium now, so maybe once I get to a therapeutic dose I won't find it so necessary to "go on" about things. It helps me to feel less sad and depressed when I write to someone about it. So thanks for listening.

I got mine a couple months before I turned 18, my dad was against it but my mom willingly signed for it. Its a phoenix on my right leg.

That's a really sweet idea and a lovely tattoo.

I have four tattoos at the moment. "Nathan" on my wrist, in memory of a dear friend. A love heart and beat line on my forearm, after I nearly died. A bumblebee on my hand, as my husband calls me Bumblebee :P and Hello Kitty on my upper arm :D