It\\\'s time for your old friend Elwood, again!

Good News: The pizza business is booming! I’ve even learned to cook, so now my pizzas are at least 50% more edible!

Still, even with all my success as restaurateur, chef, and delivery boy, I feel like I could be more successful if I had, oh... a storefront? Not that I don't appreciate the semi-incorporeal state I'm in now, mind you, it just gets pretty tiresome returning to the void of unknowability at the end of the day and it really does a number on your social life. Have you ever tried to invite someone back to your place only to realize that their knowledge of the fourth wall might be less nuanced than yours, and visiting The Place Between might raise some pretty heavy existential questions for them?

Psychedelic concepts of semi-existence aside, and back to the storefront idea, I've been putting some things together on my own! I've got some plans drawn up for my new business (and hopefully enough of a nest egg to bribe an artist into drawing me back onto the map), and I think it's really cool; The concept is a kid's pizza place, you know? With characters and party rooms?  I've even started buying up these old animatronics from some other place that went out of business a while ago. They're in pretty good condition but... uh... well...

Listen I'm not an expert or anything, but do these things have a hidden battery pack or something? I was pretty sure they would need to be wired in to the building and all, but these ones never seem to be exactly where I left them, and I swear their eyes follow me around the place. Does anyone remember Benny Bunkins's Pizza? Was this kind of thing normal? I've been searching and it says that they closed down due to unusual circumstances, but I'm beginning to think that "unusual" might have been a misleading word choice.

Maybe you can take a look at one of them for me? I'm going to ship you one of the smaller characters to you and, uh, you know what? Feel free to keep it. I'll send a nice stiff drink along, too.


April 1, 2015, 3:10 am by Vanitas
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Oh dear lord

April 1, 2015, 3:08 am by Lyriel
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OOOOH MYYY GOOOD

April 1, 2015, 3:07 am by Cobaltbluetoo
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I had to Google Five Nights at Freddys to get it. Never heard of it and now that I've read Wiki I think I'm going to stay hidden. What an amazing story! I've sent the Benny Bun to my minion zoo and fed the Wood Bourbon to my Bacon chasing pet. She said she loved it so I thank you for making her so happy! :)

April 1, 2015, 3:07 am by Junkrat
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Legitimately had a smile at this ref lmaooo. ♥

And anyone who wants to angst about said refs, your buns would have a nice home with me-- so sip your stiff drink and get mailing your problematic animatronics this way okthankyou. c:

April 1, 2015, 3:04 am by Tserel
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The real question is: will Elwood ever get an actual place on the map? Tune in at 5 to find out.

April 1, 2015, 2:59 am by Who
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When are animatronics ever a good idea in this day and age, no no no NO just no smh

April 1, 2015, 2:57 am by Lilith69xxx
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Wood is always good! Thanks for the gift! BTW,Elwood,references to American pseudo pop culture that is soon to disappear without a trace is beneath you.

April 1, 2015, 2:56 am by Desilyna
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Nice... I didn't even get the reference, and I've played the game before. Now I might need to try it again.

April 1, 2015, 2:56 am by Bathory
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Hey if you don't want that creepy bun ILL TAKE THEM ALL

April 1, 2015, 2:53 am by atempause
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this reference makes me so happy and my fnaf pet too

April 1, 2015, 2:52 am by Rocketlauncher
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One night at Elwood's is a night too many D:

April 1, 2015, 2:51 am by FENNEC
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To those wanting to know its a creepy video game reference;P

April 1, 2015, 2:51 am by Muerte
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Not enough dick jokes.

April 1, 2015, 2:51 am by Curbstomped
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I kinda really hope we get more of these "Benny Bunkin" updates and stories, I love this! We need more scary stuff on this site >:^D

April 1, 2015, 2:50 am by Alcremie
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You are SO lucky you don't get that reference.

April 1, 2015, 2:47 am by wordless
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This must be real... I have no idea what others are talking about but a pizza place yes please

April 1, 2015, 2:47 am by Hetty
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Five Nights at Freddys? Eeep, never heard of it runs to google

April 1, 2015, 2:47 am by Hannah66665
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Oh god, no. Just no. Can say I didn't see that coming when I started reading. XD

April 1, 2015, 2:47 am by Abaven
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Glad to see I'm not alone. XD

April 1, 2015, 2:45 am by Unicorn
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lol. it's a five nights at freddy's ref

April 1, 2015, 2:45 am by FENNEC
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lol five nights at freddies refxD

April 1, 2015, 2:44 am by Prussia
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Haha this is awesome.

April 1, 2015, 2:44 am by Abaven
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On a different note, please tell me that this Elwood pizza place, is going to become an actually thing (aside from the inevitable fnaf references).

April 1, 2015, 2:44 am by Sovereign
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Well it was nice knowing you Elwood We all know what's gonna happen next. A+ business choice dude

April 1, 2015, 2:44 am by Alcremie
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I know, one of the many reasons why I can't stand those games.

April 1, 2015, 2:43 am by FeralPup
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This makes me happy in about 74 different ways.

At least.

April 1, 2015, 2:42 am by Pagan
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Not familiar with the reference...but that is creepy! hides in back of vault

April 1, 2015, 2:42 am by Seoni
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So how many night shift employees are you gonna go through?

April 1, 2015, 2:41 am by Tserel
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the newest fnaf game is lookin great elwood

April 1, 2015, 2:41 am by Abaven
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Oh god...five nights at Freddie's on subeta too? I can't escape this freaking game! It's everywhere!

April 1, 2015, 2:41 am by Alcremie
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No. No FNAF stuff. Nope. Nu-uh. Nope. Don;t need that here. :X

sorry I just really really hate fnaf...

April 1, 2015, 2:41 am by itsdash
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good luck elwood :P

April 1, 2015, 2:40 am by Moran
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OMG ELWOOD! Stay away from these animatronics! D: (FNAF reference ftw)

April 1, 2015, 2:40 am by Seraphim
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Oh.... hello Five Nights at Freddy's Reference.... nopenopenope.

April 1, 2015, 2:40 am by Musician
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This entire reference just made me NOPE.

April 1, 2015, 2:40 am by flamboyantCuttlefish
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A long, elaborate story to justify the pun "Elwooden Crate."

I highly approve.

April 1, 2015, 2:39 am by Tserel
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is this whole thing a fuckin five nights at freddies ref omg

April 1, 2015, 2:39 am by moonflower_goddess
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ohhhhhhhhhhh thankyou so much elwood its lovely

April 1, 2015, 2:38 am by Tserel
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Praise be to Elwood! Everyone needs some wood in their life.

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