OK, here's my two cents, and I mean it lovingly.

Yes, your brother is an ass, who's apparently never going to grow up. You'll have to stop rescuing him eventually. Mine is currently living in Oklahoma in teh middle of nowhere with a roomate. He's been there for almost a year. But apparently there's no running water (except a hand pump, outside), the kitchen hasn't had electricity in a while, and for the past month, he's been eating three potatoes a day for sustenance. Apparently they're moving out of the definitely should be condemned house and moving closer to a town, so maybe he can get a job but.. I can't keep helping him to the detriment of my own family and my own bank account and well being, even if it sucks.

NOW. You can keep going on feeling sorry for yourself over your fucked up family, or you can grieve that you don't have the 'stuff' and then move on with your life, because your family isn't anymore messed up than.. basically every single persons I know.

I literally just tried to sit and think and couldn't think of a SINGLE person whos family didn't sound just like yours, and I got.. one. One person, out of everyone I know.

Everyones life is fucked up, everyones family is fucked up, and there's no reason to wallow because of it. (Well, OK, wallow for a while, stuff is messed up and it just happened and that's fine. But you can't wallow forever or you'll just turn into a sad, pathetic person and that's not who or what you are so. Stop drinking yourself into a stupor and either do something about it or don't.)

NOW. I really did mean this with love and not just like.. grumpy morning hate so please take it like that :P <3

Oo yeah, I'm in that grumpy morning phase, personally. lol It's Monday and I was not ready to start work again.

In all honesty Mieke, I didn't feel as though I was coming across as wallowing and I'm certainly over helping my brother. The house stuff is very recent so I've dealt with it in smaller segments in order to process it but it's the culmination of everything that I've done for him that makes me angry. That anger is what will keep me from providing anymore help and just move on and let it go.

I personally like reading or hearing about people's fucked up stories b/c it's a good reminder that I'm not alone. Some are pretty damn tough to hear, for sure.
Not sure if you thought I was coming across as wanting a pity party or what but that's certainly not what I was intending!! Hell, I'm usually thinking in my mind that I've had the least fucked up life than some of the people I've known along the way.

Anyway... it has felt like a pretty big loss to me so having a moment or two to feel sad about it is pretty natural and I was just basically sharing that side of it. The rest is just all context fillers. I miss my dad every day and sometimes just talking about him makes me tear up and I think anyone can understand that.

Hope that clears it up and you don't feel the need to tell me to suck it up, buttercup, anymore! 😂

YES. It is so very helpful to hear about other people's experiences because it helps you feel not so alone in your issues. Even if they aren't the same issues. Because even when you KNOW other people have issues, you still tend to think "this is only happening to me", even when it's not.

I cannot imagine life as your brother is living it Hopefully he starts to do better. I was terrified for Shane for that 2yrs he was in Texas, he even ended up in a homeless shelter for a while during his in/out with that girl there. So glad he got out of that situation.

I also think sharing is part of the process of moving on, for anything, whether its grief or getting over helping someone, no longer contacting someone - having some friends to talk to about it all can help. Or someone at least, like a therapist if you don't feel comfortable with the friends knowing. In person is better, but for me, to be honest, its ya'll. I share with ya'll. I have no one else I feel comfortable sharing with, tho sometimes I do share a little with the ladies I work with at school. Not so in depth as I go with ya'll sometimes tho. Also sometimes after i've shared with ya'll, i feel more comfortable sharing with them lol

LOL. If it helps, I don't think you're CURRENTLY wallowing, it's just that I saw the anger, and after that usually comes the wallowing stage, so I was trying to head it off at the pass? :P

ADULTS NEVER HAVE PEOPLE TO TELL THEM THAT like.. it's OK to be sad and hurt, but then we have to get over it eventually. Kids do, but adults just have to like.. deal with stuff ourselves and then we just end up IN OUR FEELINGS and STAYING there, you know? :P

I always want you guys to share and vent, and sometimes I definitely want to share and vent! Things suck, life sucks, nothing in the world is good anymore.

Except, I mean, it IS.. but it's so hard to find the good :P

runs in, passes out hugs, runs out ((((HUGS)))) Got to go do my errands now. See ya'll in a little while

I agree, Kat. I talked to one person on the evening I found out about the house stuff and didn't share anything else about it for a month while I was trying to process it, and then let a couple other co-workers know in a much briefer way. They were already aware of how much I had been taking care of him in the past. A good portion of last year he was living in that house without electricity and water and I just had to leave him be b/c I couldn't stand the fact that he had allowed things to get that bad. He finally got a job but then lost his ride and ended up living with me from October to January and when he left, I knew I could let go of feeling sorry for him and move on.

I was thinking the same about my brother as Mieke's. I didn't support him during those months and one of the only ways he got food was from a friend of his that lives nearby who works at Wendy's. I'm sure there's more context but most of the time, these people put their selves in those situations. Shane was young and more naive it seems, but my brother certainly isn't young (he's 5yrs younger than me, so early 40's) and there's no excuse for his nonsense.

And btw, I DO feel better after the sharing. :D Pretty tired and grumpy this morning - I swear I must have had a hundred emails to go through for work - but overall I feel... I don't know... lighter? I think getting it off my chest was more about the anger I had about it.

I do hope both our brothers can get their lives on track.

You jumped in before I posted. I got distracted by a work email... lol.

quietly enters the chat waves

Well shit. I'm sorry that all went on. I knew some time back you had been helping him but of course hadn't heard the rest yet. It sucks to be forced to let go of stuff because of someone else's actions, or lack of action. I'm sorry that he didn't feel like he could ask for help to do the things like all the paper work. You were already helping so it shouldn't have been so difficult to ask for help filling it out or ask you to go with him to wherever it needed to go if it had to be done in person. It was beyond selfish and thoughtless. I hope for his kids and y'alls sake he gets it figure out eventually. allthevirtualhugs

Hi , I'm Kat waves back

Hiii !
I'm glad you were able to stop by. <3

Hi !

<3<3<3<3<3<3 I did jump in. And then I disappeared for the rest of the day LOL.

When El woke up, we went and grabbed donuts. 40 minute drive, had to wait 40 minutes.. and still totally worth it. Plus they gave us a free donut while we were waiting since it was taking so long, PLUS they added two free donuts to our extra donut box LOL. They make them as you order so they're just SOOOOOO good.

And El had a breakfast sandwich.. sausage and egg on a freshly made cut in half donut, then topped with the maple drizzle and bacon. Apparently it was amazing because they ate it in about a minute :P AND they had a birthday cake milkshake. Because if you can't have a milkshake for breakfast on your birthday, when can you?

Then we tossed the donuts in teh car and went to check out bath and body works because uh.. I had a $100 gift card and it's the semi annual sale. Only spent $15 over it so I'll take that! :P Then we popped in and I got Iz two summer outfits (skorts and tops) and a pair of flipflops and some bracelets (those are for her birthday) for $31, we went to DSW to try and find some jibbitz for Els crocs that they got for their birthday, no luck. Then we walked back to the car to put the heavy bag in, walked back up LOL. Popped into Hallmark and got a Class of 23 ornament, popped in and got them two new bras (two bras and two pairs of underwear for $71. Ridiculous. And that was 40% off. Like.. arghhhhhh).

Walked BACK to the car (got about 7k steps in just there haha).

OH I FORGOT. On our drive there my aunt called, they came from Florida for graduation. Asked what we were doing for Frells birthday. Just donuts after dinner but then they kind of invited themselves so we stopped at Krispy Kreme FIRST FIRST thing... El had a lemonade cooler thing there, too. IDK how she managed all that that early haha.

ANYWAY. So after my aunt invited her and my uncle and my stepdad (which is fine, really!) for dessert, we decided to ask Els godfathers if they wanted to come over for dinner or dessert. They both said yes, but then we needed more steaks LOL. So after the Shoppes we went to Sams and picked up steaks, some fresh green beans (apparently way too many), juice boxes, and this cool water blob sprinkler pillow thing? It's got a 441 pound weight limit so they can all play on it.

THEN we had to go past the house and allllllllllll the way to the other town to we could go to the bank, because their debit card has been locked since the middle of April (:/) and I needed to deposit my check anyway. Did that, got their card unlocked and on-line account access done, ran to the regular grocery store for milk, some ice cream sandwiches (which we forgot about), and then finalllly got home.. just in time for Alex to get home from work :P

So then we just made dinner (roasted garlic mashed potatoes, green beans with onions and garlic, and steaks) and we hung out. Travis' kid and Iz are basically the same age, so they had a blast. We even ate outside for the first time in foreever! :P Three adults came and we had donuts and talked about graduation and stuff and honestly it wasn't too bad? Like, it was just a nice night. Then after everyone but Matt left we started a fire (because the wind had finally chilled out) and just sit and listened to music and talked and stuff. AND AND AND AND AND AND when it was time to put the fire out.. there were FIREFLIES. Not too many yet but.. enough!

Wow ok now. YOU had a busy day. Taarna said I did, on the other thread hahah but I didn't go nearly as many places. Sounds like El had a great birthday :)

I saw some fireflies last night too, when we were taking Nathans friend home (stopped after therapy to pick up him so they could hang out a few hours)

Sounds like a CRAZY day! I rarely have that kind of busy day and I am all the happier for it, lol. LOTS of spending, too!

I grabbed a few things from the B&BW app, since I got an email about early access on the semi-annual sale. Didn't have as much as I would've thought for their first major sale of the year.

Wonderful birthday for El and it overall sounds like an amazing evening/night!

Yeah, they didn't have much I wanted on-line, but in-store was better.

oh man.. I forgot to mention that after Sams, we went to the mall up there and ran into the other bath and body works haha.

I like the $3.50 shower gels for bubble bath, and I got a few candles between the two. I like to burn them, but I also like to have them on hand to give as last minute gifts LOL.

And nowwwww.. running a paper to school that El forgot, they need it today to get their cap and gown. And then work for the morning. :P And then maybe.. a nap! haha

Posting here since no one has yet posted on the dance board after me. And that was a long post so I didn't want to add to it.

But I am losing my mind. I am back to square one with the background check and practicum class for college. Arrrrgggghhhh I am going to go talk to another day care. And offer to actually volunteer SOME time but I do not want to do all the hours there after work. (I have to log 90hrs in 16 weeks) See what they say....

Why are you back to square one for that stuff, Kat? Is the college not able to provide assistance for your educational needs - cause that's what it sounds like.

How's the air up there this morning?
I found this clip on weather.com that shows what I was talking about yesterday and how a lot is over you - poor air quality. We've still got haze, but it's not nearly as bad as where you are and that pic you posted yesterday (that I shared with others on my team).

Its the freaking background check. Its so stupid. But after HR said they should be able to do it, I had not heard from them, nor gotten anything new from DECAL so I emailed to check in. She then responded that they do not actually have an account with DECAL, even tho they were listed and therefore they cannot approve it that way, but they would approve a fingerprint check. Well w/o it going thru the stupid DECAL thing it won't be accepted.

Honestly. After everything going on between school and the house and all - I am about to just up and quit it all and say forget it to EVERYTHING and just lay down and cry. Thats what I want to do right now. I am so tired of thinking I have it figured out and then it going backwards again and I am so DONE!!! I don't actually WANT to quit. I am just so tired of everything going wrong as soon as I think its going right. I'm tired. I'm just tired of it all.

Air quality is still bad, but not AS bad.. this afternoon it should get worse again, but it may finally rain? So that'll help.

Kat, you need a vacation. A vacation from worrying, at any rate. I know it won't happen, but I wish I could will you one. :(

I think what I'd do, at this point, is go down to the college and sit there until someone can tell you what to actually do, without cheating a daycare. I don't know why everyone has to make things so difficult.

Do you have any stuff in your yard that you can break, Kat? Not being funny at all b/c that's some pretty overwhelming shit to deal with and that college seems like a fucking joke. I have never heard where your background check can NOT be shared at your express permission and if I were you, I'd go down there and demand a copy of it b/c it's YOURS or ask to have it given back if you were the one that provided it in the first place. I don't believe you signed anything that said they have the right to KEEP your private information.
HR can be tough to deal with (and nearly impossible when it's a large corporation, for sure) but if they're hindering the progress of your academic pursuits, then you need to push back. Start working your way up the ladder of who's in charge.

Deal with one issue at a time. If you can take a few days to step back and regroup, you should definitely do that. Maybe get out of the house and do something that doesn't involve the house or school - including going to the store to buy you and bratchild some food.

Its the HR saying the background check can't be shared, and I did it thru the school system (*thru HR), like I got my fingerprints done at the school when I got hired, and then they just send off for a new background check based on those fingerprints every 5yrs from what I understood when I was talking to them.

I think digging is helping cuz no I don't have anything I can break. Or at least not anything I'd want to break.

And yes a vacation from life would be nice Mieke, too bad it can't happen :(

No grocery money til Ryan gives it to me then yes I'll be going to shop either tomorrow or Saturday morning :) I will try and step back from some stuff and take a break but once I get something started I like to complete it. And have it lined up, organized, set up, ready to go....whatever. Anyway, oops I need to get outside! BYEEEE

Edit: Pic of dug up yard trench. We finally found the freaking pipe

SPOILER (click to toggle)

Oh and thanks to the child who took the picture for me (my lovely almost 17yr old son) cough cough it clearly shows how I am being screwed by having to do this. At least, that is what jumped out at me and made me laugh when he sent me the picture he took for me.

Maybe that's what you need Kat, is a good screwing.. that you want :P