"I--" he started but had no idea how to even finish. He looked down at the floor, well aware that both Kat and Paul were watching him intently. He had no doubt Paul would tell his parents about this. "Yeah, I guess." He knew he was convincing no one but what could he say?

((stumped where to go lol so guess thats my reply o.0 ))

"Hey." Katsumi pulled back a little so she could look him in the eye, though she kept her hands on his shoulders. "Look at me, Magnus. It's fine if you're not okay right this second. I asked if you /will/ be, and if that's a yes, that's good enough, alright?" She could see Paul watching the boy too, and knew the other students were probably concerned as well, so she gave the exauror a slight smile and guided her friend over to the other end of the room, so the others could keep practicing if they wanted to. The girl took a seat by the wall and looked up at Magnus expectantly. "It's something I need to remember too, I think," she commented. "That this is advanced stuff, and we're not going to get it right away."

((I'm heading to bed now because I'm exhausted and I've not been sleeping well. I'll reply again in the morning. But these two~ <3 Wish the others were a bit more active, but I'm still having a lot of fun! I dun wanna go, but I know I ought to. whines but flops off like a good little adult. She'd better get her "I adulted today!" sticker for this!))

Paul let Katsumi take Magnus off, though he still watched every so often. The kids were his responsibility, one he took very seriously. It was obvious to him that the pair had a connection though and maybe she would help more than he could do.

Magnus forced himself to look at her. He knew she wasn't as comfortable with touch as he was so the contact made him more focused on what she was saying. He shrugged a little, "I don't know, Kat. I mean..." and then he was being led away from the group. For privacy or something else he wasn't sure. "I--I mean, its..." He sighed again. That the talkative boy was at a loss for words probably spoke volumes. He dropped his voice despite being further away from the group. "I can't escape it. Can I?" He sat down beside her and frowned. "I mean, I try. I really do, but... it just never goes away. Always the moon, always the beast within. Even the few beatings the 'ead master gave me couldn't be normal enough for me." He had never told anyone he had been hit by his old headmaster of the orphanage before, not even his parents. "yeah it is tough and you've done really well. You should be proud of yourself."

(( they are <3 I love 'em. I know I'd like that too, but I'm glad you're having fun because I am too xD Sleep well and -hands adulted sticker- lol I did look for one but alas there isn't one on subeta))

She took his hand once he was seated, listening attentively. And Kat didn't just dismiss his concerns. The mention of being beaten got a scowl, but she didn't snap back a comment right away, instead considering his words carefully. "I don't think escaping it is the right thing to do," she answered slowly. "Maybe it's /not/ possible -- no, hear me out. Bad things happen to good people, that's life. Things are going to change you in ways you might not have wanted, and there's no getting away from it. But I don't think trying to forget it is a good solution. Happiness comes from acceptance." The girl paused, struggling to put the idea into the right words. "You don't have to believe it's a good thing. And you don't have to stop trying to change, or getting better at handling it. But things like that are a part of you now, your history and who you are, for good or ill. They make you who you are. Would you be so kind if you hadn't known cruelty? Can you be sure? There's no rushing it, of course, but I think you'll realize in the end that knowing things like that are part of you and while you don't have to let them define you they can't be denied completely -- you'll be much happier." An epiphany sparked in her eyes. "That's part of why the butterfly bothers you, isn't it? Because it changes -- like your lycanthropy?" She shook her head. "Maybe that's part of it, but I think there's a difference. It's more than merely a transformation -- it's metamorphosis, becoming something different and entirely new. A butterfly can never again be a caterpillar. You'll never be a lonely Muggle orphan again. But tell me, Magnus. If you could, would you want to go back?" Katsumi watched him, her eyes holding focused intensity. If he was focusing on the bad, then she would remind him of all the good until he saw it properly again.

Magnus listened carefully as she held is hand. He had had this battle with himself before. Sometimes it was worse, took longer to regain his more normal calm. "I know," he said quietly, "it is part o' me know and I accept it most of the time. Sometimes it bothers me worse, you know. I guess that's why I understand why Paul wants to atone for things that ain't 'is fault. Are we but sums o' our parts? I know it don't define me..." He paused, staring at their hands interwoven. "It is weird cos sometimes I am grateful for the wolf, cos wif out it, I wouldn't've parents. I might be going to 'Ogwarts but still in the orphanage. We'll never know and like Paul was sayin' earlier, its best not to dwell on what could've been. An' whilst I understand and came to terms, there are times it just bothers me more." He nodded. "Yeah, that and its rather girly ain't it. I mean ain't very macho is it?"

"No, I wouldn't. I got family now, friends who except the worst o' me." His long hair whipped around as he shook his head. He looked back up at her with earnest in his eyes, "thanks for reminding me. Sometimes its 'ard to get outta the despair. Its like what I 'eard on a cartoon I caught a few times at the telly store. 'You will find that if you look for the light, you can often find it, but if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see." He rubbed her hand and gave her a true smile, with the free hand wiping a stray tear away. "I'm lucky ta 'ave you, Katusmi." He lent down and kissed her hand. "Thank you."

(( -gets misty- lol ))

She gave him a smile in return, though it turned to embarrassment when he kissed her hand, and she tried to pull it away. "What're friends for?" she asked, looking away. "...Y'know, I used to hate myself," she told him softly, fussing with the sleeve of her robe. "I mean, everyone else seemed to just make friends and connect to people, and I...couldn't. It took me a long time to see that wasn't necessarily a bad thing." Kat looked at him again. "Still, not everyone can see past that. ...You're not the only lucky one."

He let her hand go, wondering if he should apologise. He suddenly felt very confused. No, she'd say something if she really was uncomfortable, right? Or slap him... Was she the slapping type?
"You shouldn't hate yourself, Kat. You're amazing. Besides, there's nothing wrong with taking your time to be friends with people. Means more when you do. I didn't think you'd want to be friends with me, so when we started being friends it meant a lot cos you opened up and it meant a lot." He looked down as he felt so awkward. He really wished he could read minds sometimes.

"Used to -- used to!" She found that funny, and she was flattered that he valued her friendship so much. But she quickly returned to being serious. "You think you're ready to try again?" Kat asked, not trying to push him but itching to go back herself. "I know I want another go."

"Good girl, don't you dare think about it again or O'l Magnus will 'ave to give you a detention for being mean to yourself." He gave her a lazy smile that shifted to a frown when she asked if he was ready to try again. Was he? If he was honest, probably not. "I suppose. Go ahead and give it a go first though, if you want."

Katsumi got to her feet and offered Magnus a hand up before heading back to Paul. She looked up at the former Auror, jaw set. "I want to try again," she told him, worried but determined to try anyhow. "May I?" ((is short. T.T))

Magnus excepted and joined her in walking back to Paul. "All right," he said never questioning. He waved his wand and the device sprang back to life. (lol likewise)

(( I have zero intention of Katsumi mastering this on her own, at least for now.))

She'd been ready, she'd been braced. But it made little difference, and Katsumi barely managed to get the words out as the pervading cold wrapped around her. The pathetic wisp of light was all that came from her shaking wand, and again she found herself falling back. It was even more vexing now that she'd managed to summon her Patronus in defense of Magnus. The girl tried to recapture that feeling, the blaze of anger that had driven fear away far enough for everything else to come together properly, but she couldn't find it. Whispers and faint laughter echoed in her ears and her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest, but she couldn't manage to unleash her dragon on the menacing wraith.

((xD and he still tries to help xD))

Magnus saw the dementor and shuddered, but then as his determined friend struggled, he stepped forward and grabbed her hand. Maybe his support would help? He couldn't manage the spell again. His throat went dry and the world started swirling again. He screamed in pain and his hand lost his grip on Katsumi as Paul caught him again. This time, however, Paul waited to give Katsumi time to try again.

(( He's too cute. <3 squishes him))

Magnus grabbed her hand, and she gripped it, glad of the support. It helped a little, but the haze she managed stayed only a moment. It wasn't until he shrieked that she managed to summon her patronus, and by then it was too late to make a difference for him. "Magnus!" Why couldn't she do better? And what the heck had he been thinking?!

This time it was Kat who pressed chocolate into his hand when he opened his eyes, having already taken a bite or two of it herself. She was more than just worried, though -- she was angry, and it showed.

(( so is she xD))

Katsumi's dragon swirl around them and Paul waved his wand, turning the device off. He had an interesting expression, half worry-half proud. "Excellent job!" He said as Magnus came too. He had a piece of chocolate ready but not fast enough as the girl shoved a piece in the boy's hand.

It didn't take him long to figured out what happened. Magnus righted himself holding a piece of chocolate. He noticed the look of anger on her face and wasn't sure why. "I'm sorry I couldn't help again. I tried." He knew he sounded defensive but he couldn't help it.

"It was kind of you to try." But this time she's not happy about it, and she stops to take a deep breath and wrestle her anger back under control before continuing. "But what the bloody hell were you thinking -- begging your pardon, Paul." Another breath, though her eyes are still throwing sparks. "Helping is great and all, but I don't want your help if you're going to hurt yourself doing it!" The way he'd screamed...it would be different if he was making his own attempt, or had tried to cast a patronus to shield her, but to just get in the way and get hurt? That was not okay!

(( feel free to stop him.))

Paul gave a shrug, he didn't mind the language.

"It wasn't like I knew I was gonna pass out again did I?" Magnus said quietly. He supposed he could have let Paul help... actually why did he keep forgetting Paul was there? His face reddened with shame. He swore he could feel his back burn as if he had been attacked a moment ago. He realised he wasn't going to be able to cast the patronus against the dementor thingy. He crossed over to his bag, picked it up and started heading towards the door. He was useless and unwanted right now so why stay?

His expression made her immediately regret what she'd said. But Katsumi couldn't manage to say anything until she realized he was going to leave, at which point she went after him and grabbed his shoulder. "Hey. Magnus...." The words still didn't come easily, and she tried to fit what she felt into something she could say. "I -- I didn't mean it like that." She looked ashamed, and obviously regretted the hurt she'd given. "I just...I should be doing better. You shouldn't need to get hurt to help -- and I don't like people getting hurt because of me. I...." The girl trailed off, and the next sentence was considerably harder to say. "I do enough damage as it is, just because of how I am." That was the hardest, when people expected visible cheer or whatever emotion, and then got stung because that wasn't how she was.

Magnus froze standing ridge at the sound of his name. "You should be doing better?" he whispered, "You know 'ow advanced this tis and you're getting it. Damn it, I've collapsed two times wifout even getting a single word out and all you see is 'ow you should be doing better? Why can't see how good you are doing? you've already gotten two patronuses against the dementors."

His eyes flickered as his bag fell from his loosened grip, "the dementor 'urt me, not you. How can you fink you do damage?" He was getting angry and his accent grew thicker. "You'd never 'urt me. Don't you fink maybe I was leaving because clearly I ain't gonna get it? Stop toturin' yourself for things you aint done damn it to 'ell."

(( sorry it took so long to reply, sometimes rl stinks lol ))

(( Is fine, I had half an hour of momphone in between one of your posts and my reply, forget where.))

"Only when my friend is getting hurt because he's trying to help!" Kat snapped back, before taking another deep breath to regain control, clasping her hands behind her and looking down. "I didn't say I hurt you, that's just a big part of why I don't like people getting hurt on my behalf." The girl lifted her head again, looking him in the eye with a frown. "I don't think you can blame yourself for collapsing, that's really not your fault. You heard what Paul said, you have things that are worse than what most people have been through, so it affects you more." She fussed with one of the beads that kept the front locks of her hair in place. "...Maybe you're right, I shouldn't be expecting to do better right away. But then you don't get to either! And it's really not like you to just give up. And most definitely I'm not letting you leave the club that /you/ are head of. Not alone, at any rate. If you're going, so am I." She folded her arms and fixed him with a stare that dared him to test her on that.