I learn a lot from. Especially not too much need to explain, I think is good to remember.

Here are some tips from a fresh reader! I'll divide it up like did. These are totally just my opinions, though! You don't have to listen to me.

FIRST PARAGRAPH:

Not in it’s appearance, but in it’s intelligence. -- The "it's" should be "its"! Otherwise, it says "Not in it is appearance, but in it is intelligence."

Dragons have fire within themselves, so they discover what you can do with fire much earlier than humans. -- You want to say "discovered" as opposed to "discover." That way, the tense matches the rest of the story.

FIFTH PARAGRAPH:

This paragraph is WAY too long! I recommend that you look for places in the paragraph where you can break it apart artfully. (Also, I'm not sure where you live, but typically in the U.S. we put periods inside of the quotation marks, even if they're not part of the title!)

SIXTH PARAGRAPH:

Nelis had become famous in the history of dragons. -- Consider "Nelis became famous" to avoid the passive wording of "had become."

He really despised all acts of violence -- You forgot a period here. ^^ You might also want to take out "really" since the word doesn't add anything. "He despised all acts of violence" reads better without it IMO.

The rest of it needs a little more in-depth commentary, so I will continue that in another post when I'm not so distracted by Easter, haha!

Happy easter!

I think your critique is very helpful. It's indeed too much written in a spoken style.