Pride Flags!
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Hey. Want to hear an aroace (aromantic asexual) "coming of age" story? Behind a spoiler 'cause it's kind of long.
SPOILER (click to toggle)
Everyone told me I just "wasn't ready yet", and that one day I'd wake up and be so attracted to someone that I couldn't think about anything else. I thought that was true, and the thought terrified me for all my teen years. I felt like I really should be attracted to others, and that maybe I was sort of broken, childish, dead inside, stuck up.
When you're a teenager and you're not attracted to the "opposite" gender*, everyone thinks you're gay. So I got some homophobic teasing, even from some of my "friends", who suddenly got grossed out when I sat next to them. So I thought, "well I must be attracted to them if they say I am" and thought maybe I should try dating a girl to see how it went. But I never wanted to. It'd feel like a social obligation or an experiment.
- I'm actually nonbinary, but that's a whole other story I'm only just beginning to figure out.
I played over the dating scenarios in my head. The ice cream, movies and theme parks would sound ok, and I'd think "maybe I can do this", but then the daydream would get to the kissing scene and the bit where we hold hands in public and send "xoxoxo" texts, and even worse, take our clothes off??! Nope, nope and more nope. The daydream would turn all sour, because all that stuff didn't sound like fun. It sounded like an obligation. Whatever gender I imagined my partner in this scenario, the whole thing just turned into a big pile of "nope".
And yet some day I'd wake up and "be ready" and I'd have to do it anyway, because that's what people did. I dreaded that day.
Until I was about 18 or 19, when by total coincidence, I found terms aromantic and asexual. It felt right. It felt like me. I finally realised "I'm not broken, it's an orientation, it's got a word for it, and a flag, and a place in the pride events, and a really supportive community online"! It's an amazing feeling, and I wish I'd found out about it earlier.
If you're tired of answering questions, that's ok. You don't have to. That's your decision. But don't yell at people for asking them. Just ignore them. Other people are willing to answer them.
(I'm one of those people, so fire away :))
We need to talk about this stuff! If we do, then some scared, confused kid might see it and realise that they are not broken! It could save them years of stress, prevent them from feeling pressured into doing something they don't want to do, and maybe even save their life!
edit: But maybe we should talk about it somewhere else, because this forum thread is for site feedback. It's kinda funny how by talking about people derailing stuff, we've accidentally derailed the original topic.
🌻 🌻 🌻
Yeah, there can be problems with googling at times, especially since it's easy to come across completely incorrect resources. Plus everyone experiences gender (or doesn't experience it) in their own way so it's really subjective. Sometimes asking others can be really good because you get to hear about many different experiences. And online you don't have to answer anything if you don't want to.
Honestly I love and hate arguing because I get such terrible anxiety from it lol But most of the time I can't let people say shit to myself or others so if I hear someone being a bigot when I'm out and about I usually say something even though they'll turn their hate towards me. I've been really combative my whole life, like even as a kid I stood up for my rights and others' even when authority figures tried to punish me. It pissed adults off because I didn't just accept their authority over me. But then and now I'm just seen as an overly emotional woman because of course people are sexist as well.
I want to thank everyone who provided explanations. There are a lot of facts and definitions on the internet but they lack something vitally important - the human aspect. I've learned far more by reading what people I play Subeta with have said.
People are unique individuals who don't fit neatly into little definition boxes.
[tot=Ciannwn]
real quick (because it's off topic) but in regards to googling it: i'mma be honest, i'd prefer asking other people about things like this. awhile back i ran into "kinning" and had no idea what it was. sure, i could have googled it, but i had an entire website at my disposal of people who know it more personally. i asked what it was because i was curious, and several people answered me, glad to see i had expressed interest in trying to understand a part of themselves.
if i had gotten such a negative response back then, i'd have never asked anyone ever again anything about themselves and i would have probably never learned anything about it.
long story short: you don't have to explain or answer any questions when they're asked, but being rude is discouraging for people who are trying to learn. it'd be like yelling at a young child when they have a question about their environment.
on topic: love the flags! was expecting to see them as big background banners, but maybe some other time. 😄